UWMCCFC vs Matchday FC

After a frustrating loss to Cunts on Tarkett, UWMCCFC were fired up for their match against opponents Matchday FC – confident of securing a positive result given their oppositions tendency to ship more goals than provide players.

This week Matty van Howe decided to line the team up in a 4-4-2 (Diamond) in the hopes of dominating the opposition on the counter with the assistance of the much heralded return of Jack Gouldlaço. In complete parallel to the problems faced by namesake Louis, UWMCCFC were forced into whopper degree related changes; Moose stepping in to test his single ball handling skills, Cesc Bèaućlerk attempting to display his new Chilean flair, and Howe in for Vito Kraus. The midfield stamped their authority on the game early with some good possession play, allowing the defence to push high up the pitch. Eventually, this pressure tolled as Lively Joe Livesey escaped a (Kolo Toure coached?) offside trap to unselfishly slide the ball across for Platt to schlide the ball into the empty net – a beautiful J** Goal that had the manager out of his 18 yard box. Clayden then missed a guilt-edge opportunity.

Like mixed netball at Pop, what proceeded for Matchday FC was wave after wave of testosterone fuelled cricketers with intentions of scoring. Within a couple of minutes, a stunning second was scored as Gouldlaço lived up to his name and slammed the ball into the net via the crossbar from outside the box. Clayden then missed a guilt-edge opportunity.

Just like the aforementioned cricketers at Pop, the frustration for Matchday took it’s toll – a cynical foul in the area leading to Platt cooly doubling his tally from the penalty spot. To end a crazy final 15 of the second half, Livesey scored a deserved goal after some encouraging exchanges between the midfield before Bèaućlerk beautifully rounded the goalkeeper but saw his effort blocked at the last. Clayden then missed a guilt-edge opportunity.

A triple change at the half saw the substitutes given their opportunity to shine, whilst a surprise substitution was enforced as the on-the-rag referee sent Platt into the depths of the unknown to find a lost ball. With a few experimental position changes, UWMCCFC dominance was not quite as pronounced as the first half, however after a few wasted opportunities Livesey managed to nip in for his second.

After another reshape saw Clayden return up front to improve on his shot accuracy of 0% for the day, Livesey managed to bag a deserved hat-trick via a Matchday FC defender – although the dubious goals committee are scheduled to meet soon. The score just about remained 6-0 as the final whistle blew, with Jewson casually sending the ball careering towards his own net and shaving the outside of the post. All-in-all a fantastic display – credit to all who played as they should be very pleased with their performance. The defence were solid throughout, to the extent that it was hard to mention them in the report as they snuffed the danger out so efficiently. Puts the club in very good shape for the grudge match against Compton next week and leaves the manager with a few more selection headaches than Brendan Rodgers last night.

XI: Howe, Jewson, Gonszor, Annandale, Narayanan, Clayden, Beauclerk, Gould, David, Platt, Livesey
Subs: Hobbs, Haque, Sittampalam

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