“I’ll have 3 cans of Carling, 3 of Strongbow and a pint of blackcurrant squash please”
Fresher Thor – ordering the component parts of purple on his flight from Norway to Gatwick
ETA – 10pm at CR2 therefore, fresher Thor finds the need for a solo-circle on the plane
Commitment levels – extraordinarily high to the sesh
Millman & Choppy – quite the opposite, despite being on reading weeks and not at home, deciding to sack circle this week
Tasty – “what time are people getting the bus?”
Most – confirming the usual time, aiming for a 6:30 bus for PCP
Tasty – rocks up to the bus stop at 6:45
Tasty – misses 2 busses
Aneesh – also suffering the same fate
The pair – making their way onto campus for a late PCP
Probert et al – writing the gamble pot
Originality – high
Randall – making sure that a couple of his favourites are in there
Tasty – upon arriving, asks to put one lowly gamble in the gamble pot
Probert – reluctant
Tasty – “It will only cost £1”
Randall – on Tasty’s wavelength, overrides Probert as the gamble is written
The Pair – devilish, running away to the toilets to plot
Pool – standard is much lower in the absence of Big Jon
New fresh – 3
Freshers Pru, Dhillon and Jake – taking the plunge
Fresher Pru – taking a well-earned break after a long and eventful GBBO series
Fresher Pru – can’t believe that ties cost £10
Timmo – “it’s a lifetime investment”
Timmo – could sell a sandal to Gandhi
Roche – selected as table bitch
Roche – heavyweight in order to counter the bantamweight womens hockey
Table Duo – can’t really decide how many tables they need for the notoriously small reading week circle
Greed – gets the better of the duo as 8 tables are schlotted just so Womens Hockey have less
Turnout – 33
Tables – needed
Reading Week Clubmen – on the decline
Real Subjects – winning
GENTLEMEEEEN!! – gun as per
Woo’s – yet again, never ending until the threat of an early double ceases all fun
MOTW Nominations – 4
Turner – nominated for negligence to uphold a gamble. After super-gambling in week 1 and picking out Cov indoor captain, Turner turned the lucrative deal down as he had a lecture which he simply couldn’t miss. 3 weeks into the Cov indoor season, it transpires that Turner has not attended said lecture on any of the 3 occasions. One to presumably record countdown, another because he just sacked it off and finally, he did not attend the lecture this week because he was playing… Cov indoor. Prick.
Roche – nominated for an odd mixture of sexual assault/cannibalism of various clubmen. As we know, Jezza is meant to be on the Darbados reduction programme for the upcoming season/tour, however if you ask many of his peers how this is going, the answer will not be a positive one. On two separate nights out over the past week, Roachy has decided that ‘biting the boob’ of fellow clubmen was acceptable, leaving a disgruntled Timmo and an emotionally traumatised fresher Owen. This needs to be stopped. Please.
Fresher Ben – after a quality Kasbah social with pre’s hosted by Fresher Amagog in AV, most clubmen only had to deal with a sore head, maybe a bitten boob at worst. However, a select number of clubmen that didn’t succumb to a serious case of oversesh will remember what unfolded at pre’s. At approx. 10:45, the residential tutor came in to break up pre’s and send us on our merry way to the taxis. 10:45. Joke. With a couple of unsuccessful negotiations, Fresher Ben decides to try his luck with a bit of classic fresher charm and charisma (also aided by 7 cans of special brew). Fresher Ben, after initially thinking the warden was wearing a fluffy hijab, commonly mistaken for a dressing gown, shouts to his peers “LADS WE NEED TO GO”. A reasonable enough suggestion to a bintish problem, however what followed didn’t go down too well… “LADS I SAID WE NEED TO GO, OTHERWISE SHE ISNT GOING TO SHAG ME LATER TONIGHT”. Said bint warden was fairly displeased with the comment and left UWMCC with only one option. Run. The following day resulted in a lot of apology, regret and interwarden relationship building. Stupid stupid fresh.
Timmo – nominated for fancying himself a netball player and getting involved in their 24hr Piazza challenge, first time someone passes him the ball, all of Tim’s coordination leaves him and the ball smacks him in the face. Mug.
Wack Off – duh
Fresher Ben vs Roche – one clear winner
Fresher Ben – also doing another pint for no tie with some other fresh nominated for poor attire/life choices
Fresher Krishan – wearing no socks
Fresher Krishan – doubling, one for each foot
Fresher Amagog – given 5 to nominate for kitchen use, immediately sends a double Fresher Bens way
New Game – Roman Numerals
Gamble (Lewis) – nominate your squads x2
Lewis – 1/2 ‘s player, getting 4 to nominate for lack of 1’s potential
RN – slow, with XXI not being reached for fucking ages
Fresh – genuinely now worse at Roman Numerals than Black Black White
Nick Hill, Adit and Ferdi – taking it upon themselves to reach XXI between the three of them in order to move the game forward
Nick Hill – comes stupidly close to doubling a double on XX, but saves himself by sacrificing an extra numeral
Womens Hockey – piping up with some unbearable screeching
Randall – wacks in protest and nails a girl in the head, continuing his deeply rooted fixation for throwing stuff during circle and keeping up his unnaturally high accuracy
New Rule – multiples of 4 are doubled (still in roman numerals)
Rule – unnecessary
Game – dead
New Game – Home or Away
Gamble (Adit) – Too Close to Call
Adit – electing a tight encounter between Nick Hill and Murphy
Circle – split
Nick Hill – sends Murphs with consummate ease
Adit – 11 to nominate, firing them at members of a much browner complexion
HoA – standard poor due to some testing questions from Captain Bozza this week
Cricket knowledge – poor
Dan Lewis – raises his arm to reveal a sweat patch bigger and wetter than your mum
Knowledge of Capital of Papua New Guinea – also poor
Port Moresby – responsible for a double
New Game – Black Black White
Gamble (Fresher Owen) – Hotel Back Yourself
HBY – hello gamble my old friend
Randall – “pass me your room key”
Fresher Owen – perplexed, hands over his keys
Fresher Owen – expecting an explanation
Randall – “good luck”
Fresher Owen – putting two and two together and realising the daunting prospect awaiting him
Maths – quick
BBW – slowly getting better and better with some fresh seemingly cracking the code
Fresher Krishan – “Black White Black”
Fresher Krishan – stupid
Fresher Ollie – “White”
White – close but wrong because he wasn’t in squads last year
Merriman – also still to crack the code in 3 years of uni
New Game – Tinder
Circle – efficient
Gamble (Adit) – Double Gamble Wack
Chants – starting
Adit – gutted, but sending his first double with ease
The pot – returned to Adit eagerly
Gamble – Fresh 1 min challenge
Adit – tapping out before he can finish his 3rd
Fresh – target of 22 between 10 due to few pints left
Target – smashed with 25
Fresher Rory – getting to nominate 3 and hitting Tasty, quickly making a dangerous enemy
Tinder – matches a plenty
Collusion – quelled with pints for conspirers
Probert – unhappy despite clearly saying “everyone look left” multiple times
Merriman – trying to stick up for his bestie
Super-like round – uneventful
Tinder Pro – purchased
Another super like – acquired
SLR2 – Roche – licking his lips, eyeing up Fresher Krishan
Super Match – inevitable
Double – sent by Roche
Fresher Krish – sent by double in possibly one of the slowest doubles in club history
Freshen up – reached the end
German Bombers – 3 shot down
Fresher Krish – unloading into the bin but finally overcoming the marathon double
Recess – needed
Lack of Chunder Dragon – hasn’t gone unnoticed as 2 first aid whoppers come over and threaten to kick UWMCC out of CR2 after prior chunder warning
Randall, Tasty and Lewis – becoming international standard negotiators once again using the ‘well it’s the bin or the floor policy’
First aiders – not taking any of that shit as they try and take Fresher Krish out of circle
Randall – “well he couldn’t go anywhere as we are blocked in by Womens Hockey” as he gets the darby Tasty to demonstrate the lack of escape route available
First Aiders – still having none of it
Aneesh – shielding his brother from impending ejection
Negotiations – resorting to dirty tactics
An immense tirade of bullshit – launched at the first aiders
Bullshit – always works as the first aiders say this will not be the end of it, although admitting defeat
Sanctions – awaited
Fresher Pru – overheard on the phone saying his goodbyes to his family after finding out that this was session 1/3

2nd Session
Gentlemen – surprisingly for the first time in ages, starting at the same time as Ladies Hockey
Competition – loudest start to circle
Bints – never had a chance with big hitters Ferdi, Bozza, Roche and Fresher Owen piling in on the vocals
New Game – onedie
Dice games – will last as long as Randall has available die
Super gamble (Murphy) – The Mitchell Starc double Hat trick
MSDH – in ode to Mitch Starc recording an incredible feat of two hat tricks in the same game, Murphy would have to triple in the 2nd session and the 3rd session
Murphy – Sends his first triple but knows the real challenge will come later
OneDie – predictable carnage ensues
Pints and Fingers – flying across circle
Jack Mallows – a real target this week
Jack Mallows – swiftly becoming Wack Mallows
Wack Mallows – finally gets a chance to roll for revenge
Wack – rolls a 3 and has to wack again
Circle – harsh
Fresher Amogog – smugly sends a pint Fresher Marcin’s way
Fresher Marcin – has 2 pints stored up and sends them straight back
Merriman – also a real target
New Game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – nobody gambling
Randall – turns round to check behind him in case someone behind his has gambled
Swamp Monster – scares the shit out of Randall
Swamp Monster – surprisingly not actually just an ugly bint from hockey, but a genuinely class costume from some other fucker
Gamble – can’t remember but obviously not an entertaining one
DDM – producing some close encounters
Probert v Tasty – the main event with Tasty cleaning up and looking seemingly unbeatable this year
A New Hope – required
Adit – “can we try with two people playing at once”
Stroke of genius – ?
Trial – doesn’t work
2nd Trial – chaos
Genius – none, with duckers crossing over potential mooses and nobody knowing where to look
New Game – PLD
Gamble (Boz) – La Decima
Boz – has ten to nominate if he can double within 10 seconds
Boz – smashing two pints in 9.73s
Usain Bolt – who?
Boz – immediately leaving circle and decimating (get it?) one of the toilets
Nominations – forgotten as Boz seems to spend an eternity in the bogs, in a world of trouble
La decima – crowdpleaser, sure to become a regular fixture in the pot
PLD – Roche stitched with a team of Fresh who hit a 0
Roche – angry
Fresh – worried
Darts – standards dropping every week
Fresher Ollie – just so good at everything, schlotts without even trying
Many – more like Feel ‘The Sesh’ Taylor than Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor
Turner – decides to go for a shit
Turner – finds what he thinks is a nice, quiet cubicle
Cubicle – subject to a complete breech by a hockey whopper
Turner – caught pants down, dazed and conpoozed
Team Corner – beaten by Team Bozza
Tasty – misses his shot as purple starts coming out of his nose
Recess – yes please
Randall – questioning the need for a 3rd session with many casualties strewn across the sofas/toilets
Fresher Ben – also in the toilets, however deciding to get a little punchy with a hockey boy and with bouncers piling in, Fresher Ben takes off the MOTW dress to evade capture
Capture – somehow successfully evaded
UWMCC – a farce

3rd Session – beginning
Late to Circle – chants ringing out
Fresher Thor – has turned up, fresh off his flight from Norway, straight to Cov on the train and then a taxi into campus
Fresher Thor – god like in appearance, being appreciated by everyone for an amazing effort
Reality – strikes as Randall sends a double Thor’s way for being late
Thor – revelling in the spotlight, does his double and thanks the crowd for their applause
Not to be upstaged – danger chair strikes as Thor collapses through with a real lack of style
Danger Chair – the real god of circle, deciding when and where to strike as it pleases
Murphy – looking sheepish, hoping that everyone had forgotten about his second triple
Second Triple – very much at the forefront of people’s minds
Murphy – struggles through a tricky triple, but does so nonetheless
Murphy – impressive stamina
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Gamble (Fresher Rav) – The little blue pill
TLBP – unsurprisingly a Tasty brainchild, as it becomes apparent to circle why he and Randall had run off to the toilets during PCP
Fresher Rav – has a tablet of herbal Viagra to do, washed down with some purple
Fresher Rav – accepts his long and hard fate, sinks the pill and retreats to his chair
RSB – so many fuck ups
Wack Jallows – regularly kimmed, running away from circle after one particular incident and chunning all over the sofas
SU – are you happy now?
Timmo and Fresher Pru – the last two standing, in some sort of Mexican stand off
Fresher Pru – releases his inner fresh and has a sip of purple
Timmo – pounces with a sharp 2 as people start to think that Fresher Pru doesn’t actually know the rules
Fresher Pru – wacking
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Gamble – 3rd Year vs Exec Boat Race
Teams – tightly matched, but also taking a fucking age to organise
Race – close, with the 3rd years taking a slim victory, prouder than the stalk appearing in Fresher Rav’s trousers
Merriman and Crine – incensed that Murphy has probably cheated by gaining a false start
Claims – waved away as there was no photo evidence
KC – limits set at a double for below 50, 1 for 50+ due to lack of pints available at this point
Fresh – also shit at this game too, with 9/10 wickets being freshers
65 all out – a small score for a reading week circle with most of the humanities liabilities absent
New Game – Speed Heads or Tails
Intention – to send as many people as quickly as possible
Table – collapses as the game is revealed
Table – rebelling?
Many Pints – lost
Fresher Ivan – literally inconsolable at such a loss of sesh
Gamble – Probert double vs Merriman Single
Back a winner – many going for Probert
Bromance – at breaking point
Merriman – sending his one as Probert is 80% of the way through his second
Justice – served for some reason
HoT – finishing many circlers off as the clean-up begins
Murphy – appears with a full Gorilla mask, already stolen even before Pop has started, impressive
Murphy – also deciding to try and lure girls in for a kiss and then say ‘you’re ugly’ while wearing the mask
Murphy – back on the unbearable grind

Meggamix – sloppy
Chicago – on fire
Jerusalem – sacked
Popcorn – literally fucking everywhere
Fresher Rav – opting for the coat tied around the waist technique for Pop
Cock or Ball – probably not a good idea
Front Left – vacant as many clubmen retire to the sofas for some recovery time
Fresher Harry – starting the graft with the girl he was tied to in skldays circle
Graft – going well
Fresher Rory – opting for a different approach with another girl, throwing empty cups over rouge bar and banging 5 headshots before ducking and diving his way out
Girl – clueless as to who has just drenched her as the last cup wasn’t that empty
Thor – gets tinder up on his phone
Bozza & Riley – teaching him how to play tinder cricket as made famous by ABG last year
Thor – still has a few Norwegian girls to get through
Norwegians – fitter than the Sweedish
Nick Hill – rumours of a scuffle at the front of Pop with some athletics boys
Nick Hill – a precursor for the aggressive brand of cricket that he wants to play for the season
Roche – appears without a tie
Roche – acting as if he doesn’t know about the massive fuck up
Roche – informed that trouble is coming his way
Probert – seen chirpsing a bird
Merriman – storms off in a fit of rage
Many – not making the entirety of Pop
Bint – exclaiming loudly that she doesn’t want to get with anyone under the age of 23 at Pop
Turner – ears pricking up, decides that he will try on his luck and become an exception to her rule
Bint – having none of the slenderman, despite his impressive numbers game on countdown
Fresher Rav – seen crawling home
Tasty – missing the last bus back and utilising Hotel Amogog for the night
Fresher Owen – managing to sneak in somewhere or other
Randall – wakes up to find Fresher Harry has chopped up in the flat downstairs
Fresher Harry – smug as he has run an absolute clinic in review and pursue
Rumours – Fresher Rav is still hard
Fact – Thursday is harder

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