Weather – beaut
Piazza – packed with people and that random WBS twat who thinks that he is David Guetta
Cryfield – hosting a plethora of cricket
1’s, 2’s and 4’s – all in action
Choppy – getting 4 wickets in his first 8 overs, baggy within touching difference
Ballo – taking him off and bowling himself instead
Ballo – shit bloke
ABG – finally failing to get a 50, instead settling for a nice slow 30
Ballo – asking for the sightscreen to be moved with only 2 runs to win
Taha – “Ballo, get fucked”
Ballo – skying the next ball and getting sent back to the pavilion
2’s – getting a nice audience with PCP starting at 4pm for some
Dan – bringing along a nice bottle of Beyerskloof 2015 for himself and Tasty
Beyerskloof – smoother than a baby’s bum
Cryfield – almost as good a backdrop as the hills of Stellenbosch
J$ and Dan – responsible for the gamble pot
J$ – keen to get at least 4 original gambles in the pot
4’s – the only team ready for the early 7pm circle… Cheers Ted
Tasty – setting up the largest circle in CR1
UWMCC – a strong 5-person circle to start with, waiting on the 1’s and 2’s to eventually come in
Tasty – at high levels of inebriation before circle has even started… a worrying sign
Jarris – hitting a 4 with 5 left to win and proceeding to tell the bowler, “can’t bowl there fella”
Jarris – hitting the winning run for the 1’s, despite being in the words of ABG “one of those cunts that looks like he can’t hold a bat”
News – filtering in that the UWMCC has achieved the perfect 3/3 Wednesday
Circle – gonna be bigger than expect
Jack Mallows – deciding to choose Week 3, a notoriously rogue circle, for his first UWMCC experience… lets hope it pays off
SU – deciding to only open 1 bar despite there being a lot of people requiring sesh
SU – idiots
Stilo – celebrating the 2s win with a bubble bath and a glass of red wine, all whilst calling up LBC to chat about Labour’s proposed scrapping of tuition fees
Choppy – talking to some student who looked about 30-odd
Guj – “Is that Choppy’s dad”
Hockey – starting their lacklustre circles
Curtis – of course chirpsing someone in Ladies Hockey as per usual
Curtis – “It’s a numbers game”
Mallows – having a chat with Merriman regarding Edouard Fox
Mallows – “I didn’t realise that he was actually French. I just thought that he had a speech impediment”
Tasty – suggesting a new Brown down song –
J$ – suggesting instead Jay Sean’s ‘Down’
Referendum – needed on the Brown Down
Circle – eventually complete at about 9pm
Tasty – deciding on a 1-recess circle in order to maximise the sesh/time ratio
Banging – getting louder and louder
Random 4 person circle – about to feel the vocal force of 20 sesh hungry gentleman
GENTLEMEN!! – Definitely the loudest in CR2
MOTW – 2 nominations
Ballo – nominated for the aforementioned removal of Choppy from the bowling attack to eviscerate any chance of receiving a baggy
Gemes – nominated for BUCS related anger issues. After being dismissed due to a genuine mistake (I believe it could well be the first time that he hasn’t got out to a ‘peach’ of a delivery), Gemes strides off of the pitch, but not before putting his right boot straight through a chair. The chair, instead of flying like a football as hoped, instead shattered into at least 50 pieces all over the pitch. Suffice to say, Gemes is a muppet
Gemes – rightfully winning and sending his chair in outrage
Tasty – noticing that Gemes is once again wearing trainers
Outcome – Gemes MOTW loss costing him a triple
Ducks – everyone being made to wack who got a duck, Bex, Ferdi and Gemes the victims
Gemes – already starting to look uncomfortable
New game – 20+1
Gemes – showing signs that the pints are getting to him, losing even at the basic level of 20+1
Hall – making the first rule – a double now reverses and skips
UWMCC – picking up the new rule fairly easily, another rule swapping left and right
Bex – adding the final rule that multiples of 3 are Chelsea players who will receive a winners medal
Losers – various, with Gemes bound to be one of them
New game – Cricket
Gamble – Pint for Pint
P4P – a J$ original, seeing two clubmen fight it out with one having to follow the other in every pint they do. The fight is over when one person gives up. The punishment being that his table has to do the number of pints drank by the winner x2.
Ballo and Curtis – selected to fight, with Ballo to do the first pint
Fight – a closely contested battle, much akin to Joshua vs. Klitschko
Curtis – taking the role of Joshua (not racist) by claiming victory
Ballo’s table – only having to do 4 between them
Tasty – deciding that the time restrictions called for another gamble straight away
Hall – unimpressed, saying something along the lines of, “this didn’t happen in my day”
Gamble – Roach – That’s what she said
Roach – having to ask the nearest woman to him how many pints he should do, and has to do however many she says
Hockey lady – telling him to do 2
Hockey lady – sadly too nice
Roach – comfortably seeing off 2
Tasty – laying the precondition that all out for less than 100 would result in a double for all
Merriman – obviously not explaining the rules very well to Jack
Mallows – struggling with even the basic theory of multiples, racking up a few early wickets
Merriman – also drinking for stitch a fresh
Merriman – “awoooooahhhhhh”
Batting – collapsing, much like the Cov 2’s against the 4’s
UWMCC – eventually all out for 43, a pitiful display deserving of a double
New game – Heads or Tails
Gamble – Sibling Wack
Clubmen – having to wack for every sibling
Ferdi – looking around in despair, having 5 siblings
Gemes – also wacking, in a world of pain
Tim – “I have 3 half-sibings”
Tasty – settling with Tim doing 1 and a half
Heads or Tails – uneventful
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – Mexican Vack Off
Tasty – ordering everyone to get VK’s for the Vack off at recess
Duck Duck Moose – starting off strongly
Adithya – picking on Merriman
Justice – chants beginning
J$ – “no justice for Merriman”
Recess – called

1st Recess

VKs – much deliberation on the fastest colour to down, with most settling on either blue or orange
Gemes – struggling, with an inability to chunder combined with an inability to drink
2nd gentleman – considerably more drunken than the first, obviously 1st session having made a big impact
Vack off – starting with Bex
Roach – surprisingly slow with a bottle
Merriman – not quite working out how a strawpedo works, believing that just having the straw in the bottle will miraculously do something… a naïve thought
Loser – I don’t recall, possibly Adithya
New game – Tinderrr
Super gamble – Guj – Deconstructed Purple (3)
J$ – a crafty man, having made both Super gambles bad
Alternative? – Deconstructed Purple (4)
Guj – getting off lightly in the grand scheme
DP3 – pints of lager, cider and squash
Guj – finishing with a few chunder breaks in between
Tinder – no conferring allowed to maximise alcohol intake
Teshan – making a late appearance, despite leaving his house 2 hours prior
Tinder – back to its original effectiveness, sending pints left right and centre
Tasty – in need of a piss, allowing Bex to control circle in his absence
New game – ????
Gamble – Fresh 1 minute challenge
Fresh – set a target of 18 between 6, with everyone else doing a pint if they concede
Gemes – not looking forward to the prospect of pints
Fresh – managing to succeed and awarding a pint to all others
Tasty – meanwhile, having been sucked into Men’s Hockey circle to take on their quickest pint who was currently 14-0
Race 1 – finishing in a dead heat, despite Tasty managing to inhale half of his pint
Race 2 – going to Tasty, putting a lovely little 1 on the scoreboard
Hockey bloke – absolutely abused by his circle
Tasty – returning to a circle that can only be described as animalistic
Dan – throwing chairs at Gemes who was now in the middle
Gemes – managing to catch the first one
Bex – “that’s boring, go again”
Gemes – getting nailed by the second one
Chair throwing – supposedly a gamble
Gamble – happening again
Gamble – Bozza – LH vs. RH boat race
Left-handers – 4 of them
Bozza – selecting the 3 immediately to his right
RH – sending the LH’s in the race
New game – Speed 20+1
ABG – not understanding the notion of speed
Dan – returning to circle having just sent the chair of the male hockey social sec
Social sec – not happy
Dan – “he offended the chair, he deserved it”
Social sec – failing to fix his chair, resorts to kicking it
Dan – “He’s hurting the chairs feelings, someone help”
Speed 20+1 – finishing off remaining pints
POP – awaiting


Megamix – foregone given the oddness of the CR1 circle and CR2 POP
Disco dave – commencing his all too familiar playlist
Ferdi – cartwheeling around CR2
Tasty – making an absolute mess of the welfare stand, having taken Gemes’s role of popcorn master
Roach and Randall – taking the control of the welfare stand, with Randall building a biscuit pyramid and Roach just cutting shit shapes
Bexson – loving single life, once again on the prowl
Rouge bar – empty and a lovely place to collect thoughts
Goodyear – deciding to put 50 quid on his card and buy as many VKs as he can
Goodyear – top bloke
Vegan alice – the girl in a relationship who loves to touch up boys eventually arrives
Tasty – luckily having left early, avoiding the awkward situation
Goodyear – getting chatty with the Women’s cricket leader
Gemes – making a real strong revival, obviously starting his own chirpse
Turner – doing something that no one can quite remember but obviously bad enough for him to be removed
Bexson – chopping up, leaving to seal the deal
Gemes – taking a lovely trip to Lakeside to also get Choppy with it
Goodyear – taking a more respectful approach, just enjoying a cheeky spoon
UWMCC – pushing the numbers up
Dan – having an issue which coherent speech, sending a message about ‘stealthing’ that makes no sense
Stealthing – supposedly the act of removing a condom during sex without consent
Dan – picking up this unusual knowledge whilst listening to the radio
ABG – in what can only be described as a real downward spiral, makes it home and goes to bed in a state that he believes is ok
ABG – wrong
ABG – waking up and sending a snapchat selfie, only to discover the horror that awaiting him
Dried black chunder – absolutely everywhere, including on his iPhone charger that now no longer works
Gemes, Goodyear and Bex – having a 3-way breakfast at Xananas, discussing their conquests
Tasty – rediscovering the wonders of Google Translate and how it pronounces words
Tasty – running the whole of mupdates through Google and preceeding to shit himself laughing (metaphorically)
ABG – turning up late to the duck, and then realising that he may have shat himself in bed (literally)
ABG – returning home to find that indeed a shart did take place
ABG – “nothing a little time in the wash won’t fix”
ABG – mess
UWMCC – suffering
Will we be back week 7? – Of course yes

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