Cryfield – playing host to the start of the BUCS season
1s – carrying on the legacy of bottling games as they lose to Loughborough
3s – winning thanks to a captain’s knock from Harry Riley
Feelings – mixed as the lads hurry to shower and head over to T Bar ahead of circle
Murphy – being called in as table bitch to cover for a late running Turner
CR2 – pretty empty thanks to it being exam season
30 clubmen – taking the purple based revision break

1st Session:
Jeans – everywhere, Ballo and others wacking for their uniform crimes
Millman – turning up wearing shorts and no socks, also wacking
3s players – all having one to nominate after a fine victory
MOTW – Merriman nominated for missing adoptions the previous week to watch Aldershot Town crash out of the Conference play offs, awwwoaahhhh.
Millman – receiving a trio of nominations
Ridge – nominating Millman for hair based muppetry. Louie turns up in Ridge’s flat and asks if he can have a shower. He then showers and leaves. Later, Ridge’s girlfriend walks into the shower to find a collection of pubic hairs all over the bath and then has to clean them up
Owen – nominating Millman for chopping based muppetry. Louie borrows Owen’s trackies to wear to pop and then proceeds to pull at pop. He heads back to hers and while she is giving him head, she falls off the bed. Rather than being a good bloke and helping her up, he jumps off the bed and chops her on top of Owen’s trousers which are now covered in – actually I won’t say that.
Raj – nominating Millman for bottling a 50, again.
Cheers – making Millman the winner by a long way
Millman – donning the dress and removing his shorts from underneath
New game – roman numerals
Gamble – (Murphy) WE FUCKING CROSSED. In honour of Jonathan Ede in 4s v friendlies, who as he has just thrown his wicket away shouts to Sash “WE FUCKING CROSSED”. So every time Murphy wishes to leave circle, he must shout said phrase and wack.
Roman numerals – proving tricky for many people, despite everyone being sober at this point
Fresher Clobber – eventually being the victim of XX+I
Curtis – begging for table wacking
Fresher Clobber – obliging
Groans – emanating from around circle
Curtis – later stitching his whole table
Justice – served
New game – Danny Williams PLD
Gamble – Old boys 1 minute challenge
Old boys – decided to be Bex, Raj and Raj’s mate Alex
DWPLD – some reasonable shlottage in a relatively small circle, but no 180s
1s players – better at throwing cups in bins than playing cricket
New game – 1 Fat Frog
Gamble – down the Barbados line
Bexson – explaining that anybody wearing a Barbados tie must wack by pouring the pint down their tie and into their mouths
Tourists – almost all sporting their tour ties
Shirts – removed
Darbs – well and truly out
Roachy – having his shirt stolen and remaining shirtless for the next hour
Millman – now only wearing the dress and his tie
Rav – somehow managing to keep his tie bone dry
1FF – a much better performance than previous weeks, only failing on ‘four’
Recess – called

2nd session:
Tasty – submitting his last will and testament to be read out
Many – receiving pints
All – wacking
New game – Kraus’ Cricket
Gamble – (Raj’s mate) Double gamble wack
Gamble pot – showing no mercy to the debutant
Song – starting
Raj’s mate – seeing off two pints before gambling again
Gamble – the hallowed turf
Cryfield – said hallowed turf, Raj’s mate is required to run to Cryfield and take a selfie (see picture)
Kraus’ Cricket – An excellent opening stand, reaching 24 before the first wicket fell
77 – all out
Dismissed batsmen – doubling for their incompetence
Roach – using his darb as a drum
New game – ICICN
Claims – including, Barbados tourists past and present, clubmen who play another sport
Bird – claimed on 16 for “Reasons Seb Sander would flake”
Sander – not present (shock)
Bird – eventually completing his challenge
Timmo – wacking
New game – face down eyes up
Gamble – (Sash) ring Tasty and ask for a gamble
Tasty – declaring the gamble shall be a rainbow road
Sash – choosing Amogh, Krish and Millman to join him
All four – sent to the bar to get VKs
FDEU – Tim and Owen matching 3 times in a row
Owen – heading to the loos yet again
Recess – much needed

3rd Session:
Rainbow road – to start the session
Road – limited to CR2 only thanks to being after 10pm
Sash – winning with ease
Raj – deciding to get up and launch a chair at Krishan, nailing him on the leg
SU Steward – seeing the whole incident and immediately calls up one of the bouncers
Bonucer – proceeds to talk to Raj for the next 45 minutes
Millman – now in a world of trouble, returns to circle and immediately gets his phone out
Hannah Criddle – obviously more important than circle
New game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Gamble – Fresh 1 minute challenge
Target – 38 between 16 of them
Fresh – managing 35, the rest polished off by Rav, Amogh and Ridge
RSB – played to a decent standard given the high levels of sesh
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – (Fresher Clobber) Let Bexson tamper with your pint
No prizes – for guessing who put that in the pot
Fresher Clobber – receiving a pint of purple topped up with: 3 shots of vodka, 1 Bacardi, 1 Archers, 1 Jager
Pint – sent after a couple of goes
DDM – relatively uneventful other than Ballo beating Bexson
Rory – now headed over to join the conversation between Raj and the bouncer, quite possibly saving the day
New game – speed 20+1
Gamble – social sec 1 minute challenge
Curtis – joining Turner as social sec of History
Toby Flynn – rumours of being social sec of Computer Science, but escaping punishment
Speed 20+1 – not so speedy at this point
Wack – and leave
Two random blokes – joining circle to be met with some rogue shouts of you fat slag
Circle – over

Megamix – calling
Raj – now done talking to the bouncer, decides to drive home and somehow manages to make it unharmed despite being sent
Megamix – large
Adi – giving some rogue chat about once having crabs
Pictured – several tiny Choppy Lawsons wandering about in Adi’s pubes shouting “I am ze crab”
Front left – locked down
Pop – surprisingly busy
Clubmen – chirpsing hard
Rhys – seemingly upset as Ballo, Millman and Owen go to talk to his chirpse separately but swoops in as they fall by the wayside
Swooping – surprisingly swift given his crippled knee
Rav – encouraging the boys to head to the smoking area to cool down but making it clear that nobody should smoke
Seconds later – Rav has a ciggy in his mouth
Matt Thomas – looking for a female at the front of pop
Females – not interested in poor Matt
Millman – somehow managing to cut his hand
Blood – everywhere
Victims – Rav and Ballo covered in blood
Millman – claiming he did it by punching someone
Millman – somehow managing to chop up despite not washing the blood off
Ridge – heads back to his room and proceeds to chunder everywhere
Smell – unbearable
Ridge – goes to his girlfriend’s room to escape the smell
Esme’s room – soon also covered in chunder
Ridge – really in the dog house
UWMCC – also in the dog house
Circle – will return…

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