“holy shit, the SU have run out of squash for tonight”
Panic – surging across UWMCC
News – SU have run out of the key ingredient of purple, leaving many clubmen in a state of disarray
Some – plotting to raid RGS and smuggle their own purple in
Others – way ahead of the game and are already in RGS
SU – also in RGS, buying all remaining purple coloured squash
Snow – falling hard with concerns that Stagecoach will stop services in the morning
Randall – calling out to the fresh, asking if fresh will host any left stranded
Fresh – keen
PCP – looking more like base camp at Mt. Everest
Chat – regardless of how little purple there may be, how cold are the pints going to be?
Wack Speed – surely going to be affected
Lewis – arriving at PCP with a pained look on his face
Lewis – “is Kinners here tonight?”
Kinners – attendance confirmed
Lewis – “right I have a gamble”
Rumours – Ladies hockey have sacked circle in case snow prevents them from getting home after
Lacrosse – also not circling because everyone hates them
Randall & Timmo – easiest set up ever
Circle – filling up with yet another 40+ man circle proving that nothing can stop the sesh
Purple – tasting shit
GENTLEMEEEEEEEN!!!! – chilly
Golf Pres – cricket’s target tonight with an easy chant to make him drink every time they sing it
MOTW nominations – only one
Jeremy Roche – turning out that the individuals involved in the fight last week were actually a gay couple who attacked from behind
Roche – winning by default as the only nominee despite cries for a one man wack off
Roche – also forgetting the dress and therefore tripling to start circle off
Speed – impressive despite the genuine brain freeze encountered by Jez
Randall – also giving each member of UWMCC that won a varsity fixture over the weekend 3 to nominate
Many – resisting the temptation of giving Roach an extra one
Merriman – the target
New Game – 20+1
Gamble (Ridge) – ICICN members of UWMCC that were state schooled
Ridge – given two lives to name as many as he could, each correct answer resulting in one to nominate
5 – named including Ridge himself and probably all that could have been named
20+1 – table wacking quickly introduced as Curtis screams “TAAAAABLEEEEE WACKINGGGGGG” to add pressure to the first rule maker
Rav – doubling a double on 20, stupid fresher
Jinesh – getting stitched by the table before him and deciding that if he only says one number, that 4-in-a-row will happen and kim both tables
Jinesh – not so stupid fresher
Other New Rules – 10 is wack and 16-20 are ‘vote in the spring elections’
Kinners – real circle intentions revealed
The number 10 – kimming many tables
Rory’s Table – unfortunate enough to have to table wack for 10 and 20+1
New Game – Arrogance
Gamble (Dyson) – Fruit Salad
Fruit Salad – an Ozanne invention, with bananas, raspberries and blueberries mashed together in two pint glasses and topped up with an orange and apple VK
Timmo – head of the mixing committee as arrogance starts up
Dyson – wacking the liquid part of the gamble before realising that he also has to eat the sludge at the bottom of the pint cups as well
Sludge – grim but 3 of your 5 a day
Arrogance – most men very cautious about the amount of purple bet
Ballo – getting over-excited and flipping the coin into his own pint
Ballo – wacking
Tasty & Timmo – deliberately singing a different song than the one counted in on every single occasion
Randall – threatening a double if it happened again
Rebellion – quashed
Adit & Nick Hill – turning up late and wacking
New Game – Tinder
Gamble – Dinners for Kinners
Lewis – chuckling to himself as he brandishes a petrol station roll that he described as ‘potentially the grimmest roll to have ever entered his mouth’
Dinners For Kinners – ¾ of purple topped up with half a bag of desiccated coconut and the remnants of the roll all mashed in
Fresher Charlie – at his first ever circle, wondering why there was so much eating going on
Kinners – initially acting gutted about the gamble before absolutely munching his way through with good speed
Tinder – matches aplenty
Nick Hill – never looking left or right
Ballo – looking left and quickly deciding that matching was with Timmo was a bad idea so changed his swipe to a right and matching with someone else
Ballo – wacking
Randall – deciding that there were too many pints left and that there was time for one more game
New Game – HoT
Gamble (Mallows) – Rainbow Wack off
Mallows – nominating the one and only Sean Merriman to take him on at the start of 2nd
HoT – efficient
Recess – called
Randall – going mental as Rochdale score to make the game 1-1
Randall & Timmo – having a bet pre-circle that for every goal that Spurs score in the Tottenham v Rochdale game, Randall would wack. For every goal that Rochdale score, Timmo triples.
Timmo – preparing for his triple at the start of 2nd
Kinners – going round the whole of CR2 making sure that anyone and everyone is going to be voting in the elections

2nd Session
Roach – doubling with now only two weeks left of his sentence
Randall – smugly summoning Tim for his triple
Tim – brandishing his phone to reveal that over the course of recess, the game had taken a turn and the score was now 4-1 Tottenham
Randall – also tripling
Disaster – as Randall finishes his triple the goal alert goes off again
Circle – on edge as Choppy checks the phone and announces that the score was now 5-1
Randall – not envisaging a quad to start 2nd and after setting up the Merriman vs Mallows rainbow wack, leaves circle
Hey Sood – starting up as Sood rises and does his own double before sitting back down, no dramas
Back a Winner – surprisingly more than half the circle rising to the TAB nominated captain of the year Sean Merriman with even Mallows deciding to back him
Vote for Mez – https://thetab.com/uk/brands/vote-for-the-tabs-captain-of-the-year-2018?profile=&uni=Warwick&utm_campaign=tabpages&utm_medium=university&utm_source=sponsored

Merriman – repaying the faith of circle and winning sending circle into anarchy
Golf Pres – shouted out and wacking again
New Game – Danny Williams PLD
SuperGamble (Choppy) – the Ladyboy Chaser
Choppy – making his way to the bar
DWPLD – gun with many high scoring encounters
Controversy – as Team Ballo claim a win on speed but apparently lose 6-5
Nish – calling over his qualified assistant Jimbob Turdbag
Jimbob – summoning VAR
VAR – proving that Jacob Bird did indeed only hit the rim
Decision – stands
Team Ballo – reluctantly wacking
Choppy – doing his supergamble majestically
New Game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble (Matt Thomas) – Ice Ice Baby
IIB – 3 ice vk’s topped up with the remaining coconut left from earlier
Fresher Matt – struggling through before running to the toilet, cup in hand
Circle – chanting cheerio
Fresher Matt – stopping to whip up the crowd but instantly regretting his decision to stop and chundering in his cup, silly fresher
Nish – randomly finding a can of meat in CR2 and deciding to launch a slab at Sash’s pints
Aim – excellent
Mihir – angry
Mihir – ‘why would you throw pork at a muslim?’
Nish – very sorry
Sash – ‘but im not a muslim?’
Mihir – ‘well im offended on behalf of islam’
DDM – funny
Nick Hill – losing two games in a row and having an existential crisis
Tasty – resigned to the fact that nobody will challenge him and says that he will double in protest but only if it is timed as he wants to see if he could do La Decima if it came out
Tasty – somehow managing a sub 5 second double
Fresh – getting quicker, apart from Aragog who only succeeded in absolutely drenching himself when moosed
New Game – Drinking Splat (better names in the post please)
Gamble (Probert) – nominate a Double Vodka Buca
Probert – “two words: Sean… Merriman”
Mez – collapsing to the floor
Bromance – dead
Drinking Splat – a Randall invention as he seeks to actually make a new game. Everyone stands and someone is shot, with that person sitting down while the two people either side have a wack off. The winner sits down and the loser stays standing. As more and more people are eliminated, the losers keep wacking until there is one loser who doubles.
Demo – required
Randall – telling Timmo, Ballo and Tasty that they would demo but quickly kimming Timmo who was ready to sit down and picking Choppy
Deception – level 100
Tim – checking his phone in retaliation and announcing that the Yids had scored again
Randall – wacking
Recess – needed
Men’s Hockey Social Sec – summoning some cricket lads to the loo and taking them to the hole before pulling away the cover to reveal 4 freshers crammed down there
UWMCC – impressed at the contortion skills displayed despite Hockey stealing our idea
Nick Hill – still despondent over his DDM losses
Nick – “I could take any fresher cunt in a pint race, just you watch”
Nick – challenging Sash to a pint race and losing
Recess watchers – amused
VK’s – purchased
Merriman – seen at the bar staring at the concoction that he has ordered with a real pained look on his face

3rd
New Game – Cricket
Gamble (Adit Kulkarni) – Election Manifesto
EM – As it is election season, Adit is allowed to make up 3 rules for circle (ring of fire style) for the rest of the session.
Adit – demanding that Louie is in a chain with everyone, every time Kinners wacks he has to do 10 press ups and last but not least anyone to double in the next session has to do a shot out of Tasty’s bellybutton
Randall – quickly changing the game to Kraus’ Cricket and setting the limits as 50-75 is a double
Circle – nervous and all paying close attention
Start – good, reaching 3 before losing a wicket
Circle – stuttering along with everyone safe in the knowledge that we wouldn’t make it past 75
Tasty – getting out to make sure the losers would definitely double
UWMCC – all out for 59
9 men – sent to the bar to get shots
Question – can Tasty do a shot out of his own belly button?
Answer – probably not
Men – returning with a vast array of shots
Sambuca – particularly sticky
New Game – One Fat Slag
Gamble – Exec vs Captain Merriman Boat Race
Teams – chosen
Merriman – giving a less than inspirational team talk… “to be honest lads you’ve got me on your team so we will probably lose”
Exec – winning
1FS – UWMCC finally reaching the promised 3 land
Kinners – having to look over his shoulder for any SU workers before letting out an almighty SLAAAAAAAAAAG
Harry Collins – in awe of the fact that UWMCC actually reached the 3rd round, forgets to give a direction and just shouts one
Ivan – panicking and before Randall has a chance to pull Harry up on it, shouts 2
20+1 – wrong game ffs
Toby – wacking to the tune of, “you got with a boy, you got with a booooooooooy, Henry Homer, You got with a boy”
Merriman – trans officer in disguise
Merriman – ‘that could actually be construed as homophobic’
Toby – wacking regardless
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Gamble (Ballo) – Wobbly Wicket
Ballo – spinning round the bin 10 times before wacking, twice
First 10 – quick and with good wack speed at the end
Second 10 – slow, and as Ballo stands up to wack he nearly sends a table
Pint – going anywhere but in his mouth
RSB – played
Micro Circle – chased around CR2 by the bouncers insisting that we pack up
Mobile Circle – considerably worse at Speed 20+1
Probert – winning

Megamix – Randall ushering any females out of the circle before starting up
Golf Pres – spotted and his drinking chant was added into megamix
Jerusalem – so patriotic mid 6-nations
POP – cold
Southern Jono – basking in the glory of the Womens Football 2-0 victory which he ran the line for and deciding to try his luck with some of them
Southern Jono – forgetting that he gave one of them offside and denied a goal, immediately regretting his decision to engage chirpse
Randall – spotting the latest girl he has got in a tangle with and decides to hide sat down in Rouge Bar
Girl – walks over and says “I can see you this is pathetic”
Tasty – coming to Randall’s aid and sitting on him, saying “see who?”
Girl – moving Tasty out of the way to reveal… no one
Randall – prone crawling away from the scene with expert levels
Many Clubmen – taking the option to go home around 12:30 to avoid any bus fuck ups
Matt Thomas – still chundering up coconut flakes even mid-pop
The hardcore – staying to the end
Louie – appearing with two pairs of glasses on and basically rendering himself blind
Owen – getting off with a girl for most of the night, only for her to reveal that she is in a relationship
Owen – feeling a bit shit about himself until the girl reveals that she is a lesbian
Owen – now chuffed with himself as he usually changes girls genders the wrong way
Southern Jono – pleading with the fresh not to come back to AV2 this week as his inter-flat relations have taken a real hit after he blocked the girl away last week
Jimbob Turdbag – stepping up and hosting posts at his
Snow – kimming many aspiring post-goers but not Randall and Millman who get back and immediately put on the postbox outfit worn by Ridge last week
Tasty – also fighting his way through the snow to Rootes for a completely un-cricket related matter
Louie – waking up having shit in Ridge’s Bed
Jimbob Turdbed and Pooie Mailman – what a state
Snow – stopping uni the next day
Sesh – will never be stopped

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