“Is there any way you guys can sneak me into pop this week as I have an event only ticket and no circling one?”
Marcin – asking for the help of Randall and Tasty
Operation Sneaky Sneaky – not really an option for upstairs only circle
Randall – “do you want the long answer or the short answer”
Marcin – “long”
Randall – “no”
Marcin – “damn… what was the short answer though?”
Randall – “N, where n = no”
Short answer – longer than the short answer
News – Roche had sacked off cricket to go to womens hockey bring a boy circle
Negotiations – underway, with demands being met that he starts at cricket circle and comes over at the start of 2nd for his double
PCP – small as reading week takes its toll
Owen – driving up from Essex just for circle
Commitment levels – high, unlike many clubmen who had opted for valentine’s day over the sesh
Thor – table bitch as the pair struggle to estimate the size of circle
Tasty – thinking up a devilish gamble and running to RGS before the start of circle
Circle size – overestimated as a table is sacked as the fresh get to witness their first ever circle in the 20’s
Thursday – being written off already
GENTLEEEEEMEEEENNNN – Poopam
Rhino – back with a bang
Circle – wished a happy valentine’s day as Randall reveals that there will be a hoemance chain enforced for first session
Hoemance – occurs when a female has been shared (not chopped) by more than one clubmen
UWMCC – fiercely working out any crossovers
All paths – leading back to Tasty eventually as finally being a shit bloke will come back to haunt him
Roche – stolen from womens hockey already and given the option of a triple or a single and a gamble to start
Roche – has time to think before opting for option B
Gamble – Rainbow Wack
Roche – essentially tripling anyway
Womens Hockey – summoning Roachy back
Roachy – goes via loo for an early chun
MOTW – small
Rhino – nominated for antics a while back. On the way in to skldays at the start of term, Rhinos car is stopped on Gibbet hill as the car in front swerves into the middle of the road to avoid what appeared to be a wolf. Upon closer inspection, it was only a husky but 3 cars had now stopped to see what to do with the lost dog. With the window open and the sesh calling, Rhino suggests that the car in front takes it to the vet as the two girls in the car behind are petting the dog profusely. As the situation is resolved, Rhino decides that he doesn’t want to be late for skldays and wacks his car into reverse and speeds backwards in order to get around the car ahead. Unfortunately for Rhino, he forgets that there is a car behind and crashes into said car. In a moment of panic he decides to drive off in what can only be described as a hit and Ryan.
Fast forward 3 hours…
As Tasty goes to the loo mid-skldays, he meets up with Rhino as the pair head for urinals next to each other for a little catch up. As Tasty pulls his cock out he is a little surprised to say the least as Rhino takes his cock in his hand and holds it as Tasty pisses. Rogue.
Probert – nominated for genuine hooliganism. Probert spends in excess of £100 to travel down to Southampton to support his beloved Liverpool. All is going swimmingly well as Liverpool take the lead 6 minutes into the game and Probert celebrates the goal with real vigour. The only problem was that he was sat in the Southampton end with his mate that got the tickets. With many angry Saints fans now targeting Probert, the steward kicks him and his mate out of the football ground 6 mins into the game. Whopper.
Wack off – essential with rumours of Rhino no longer being the slowest drinker in the club
Rumours – more lies as he takes the dress with aplomb
New Game – 20+Choppy
Gamble – Fresh 1 min challenge
F1MC – early doors as 14 fresh are set a target of 35 pints
36 – achieved with 1 wack to nominate for the surplus
Randall – fires it at Tasty and sets off a huge hoemance chain
Circle – paused while Randall runs to get more pints already
20+Choppy – seriously not a difficult game to grasp, especially as we sang the Choppy song about 3 times so everyone learnt the words
Shite – never reached with many wacks setting off chains as circle opts to try and keep the game away from Tasty in order to preserve themselves
Confusion – does pint-sized count as one word or two?
Timmo – forgetting the song half way through and just says ‘into’
Game – fun but frustrating
New Game – OneDie
Gamble – Rav XI vs Varsity Boat Race
RXI v Varsity BR – in line with Rav’s new look fresh team that he has created on Don Bradman, Rav could chose a team to race against any Varsity team members selected for the upcoming showdown with Cov
Randall – nervous as he is part of both teams
Rav – choosing himself, Owen, Sood and Bird
Randall, Rhino, Louie – the only varsity reps
Timmo – added in as 1/2s help
Varsity team – victorious which was an absolute miracle considering the team had Rhino and Louie in it
OneDie – chosen as a game as Randall needs more pints again, the night already looking long and treacherous
3’s – being rolled at free will
Owen – nominated for a wack by literally three people at the same time
It was at this point – he knew he’d fucked up
Owen – “see you on the other side”
Fingers – setting off mini finger chains
Rav – in a world of trouble as a huge gap has opened up between him and the person before him due to chundering/pints/oversesh
Rav – having 3 dice catch up and being made to double
Rory & Ivan – trying to ensure mutual destruction by exclusively picking on each other
New Game – Tinder (Valentine’s day edition)
Randall – “who wants a wack” trying to set off the chain
Nobody – falling for it
Randall – wacking
Gamble (Aneesh) – accidently pointing at someone at the wrong point
Aneesh – “fuck I promised myself id never gamble again after the evian wack”
Rory – starting the double gamble wack song
Aneesh – pulling out Double Gamble Wack
Rory – visionary
Aneesh – doubling before picking out a straight arm wack and then running to the toilet after his third wack
Circle – destroyed as there are about 7 people playing the first round
Collusion – impossible
Merriman – devastated as he knows he’s a prime target
Valentine’s Day edition – turning the super-like round into a triple
Jacob Bird – matching with seemingly everyone
Super-Like Round – no matches after 3 swipes and circle threatened with a club-wide wack in the absence of a match in the next round
Owen & Tim – a beautiful couple
Recess – critical as circle in danger
Turner – going to the toilets to find Owen chunning in the toilets
First Aider – now has power to take out anyone who they find chundering
Tasty – trying to give a discrete warning to Owen in the toilets about the first aiders presence but giving the game away
First Aider – heads towards Owen’s cubicle before Owen comes out with a miracle line
Owen – “Tasty mate, I think it was those chicken goujons we had earlier, I knew I shouldn’t have had them medium rare”
First Aider – creasing
2nd Session
Roche – doubling to the no-one likes you song as he reveals a secret stash of pints under his table in case he was called upon by cricket to wack
Roche – becoming unbearable
Unbearableness – not our problem this evening
New Game – PLD
SuperGamble (Aragog) – Gamble Again… Sorry
Aragog – gutted
SuperGamble – Boob Luge
Boob Luge – Aragog would have to hold Owen’s moobs together creating some saucy cleavage in which purple could be poured between for Aragog to wack
Boob Luge – an idea for the next mixed skldays circle surely
PLD – high scoring in the small circle, even including a round with an elevated bin position
Tasty & Aneesh v Randall & Owen – 2v2 showdown
Team Jowen – schlot their two but lose on speed
Aneesh – clutch to win
Probert – demanding a 1v1 as he missed out on playing and winning
New Game – DDM
Gamble – The Louie Millman
TLM – Anyone to have brought a girl home this year and failed to convert will double
Millman – the target
Many – wacking
UWMCC – stands for university of warwick mens (cricket) cant chop. Virgins.
DDM – Rhino and Merriman drawing and being forced into a rock paper scissors to decide the winner
Paper – not the decider
Rock – winning for Rhino
Thor – not paying attention and picked on multiple times
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Gamble (Bird) – Shrove Tuesday Sesh Wednesday
STSW – involving soaking a pack of RGS pancakes in sambuka/vk before eating the drenched pancakes in the name of Jesus
Bird – struggling through the pancake sludge
Thor – spotting that somehow Owen had ended up in Womens Hockey circle with Roche
Secret Mission – Code:Purple
Owen – snatched back from Womens Hockey and made to drink the sambuka/vk dregs
RSB – slow with most clubmen losing the ability to count at this point
Attempt – to play Sherwin Ball in order to sooth counting issues
Game – sacked for recess
Recess
Owen -” I wish we’d done those chains the week before, I was the biggest fat little virgin youd ever seen”
Roach – spotted in a back to back mid womens hockey circle
Cricket – invading the circle and asking some rogue questions
Roachy – compromised to within an inch of its life
Cricket – stealing Roachy’s hat for his costume and all sticking it down their trousers with the plan to give it back to Roach
Louie – rubbing it on his hairy gooch
Corner – creasing
Louie – going to give it back to Roach and forgetting in his seshed state
Louie – turning up wearing the hat and kimming himself
Timmo – deciding that he wanted a break from purple and ordered a double vodka coke mid recess
3rd session
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Gamble (Sood)- The Owen Glockenspiel Challenge
Owen – a real scapegoat in this week’s pot as he is to be played by Sood while trying to down a pint
Owen – adopting the approach of letting his mouth fill up with purple before spitting it out, much to circles dismay
Sood – going in hard and leaving marks
KCricket – Ivan not nominating left or right
Clivan – spared by Randall in his seshed state
Tasty – fuming that UWMCC weren’t 0-1
UWMCC – 66 all out
Casualties – doubling
New Game – ICICN
Gamble – Louie removing all gambles bar one from the pot
Randall – making Lou pick them all back up and put them in
Gamble (Rav) – Larger Session
Rav – circling on larger for 3rd, unlucky
ICICN’s – Things that rhyme with Poopam
Probert – Sittampalam
Chants – starting up
Randall – “CITALOPRAM” (a drug which helps with mental health/depression which he found on facebook and got in trouble with the SU for tagging people in)
ICICN – girls tasty has got with
ICICN – clubmen to have got with a bloke
Toby – sheepish
Number – more than one would think
New Game – 1 Fat Slag
Gamble (Sood) – sack your missus
Sood – having to text an ex claiming that he still loves her and wants her back on V-Day
Sood’s Ex – having none of it
1FS – influenced by a bad day at the office for a certain clubman
S20+1 – club formulating a method for winning when down to the semi-final and final stage
Most – seeing themselves up to a 12-15 pint circle
SU – clearing up for an upstairs pop around a small megamix
Disco Dave – cant drown out cricket so joins in
Barmy Army – too much jumping around making Aragog feel sick again
Collins – in a world of trouble on the sofas
VK’s – bought for all in order to stimulate a second wind
Second Wind – a myth
Tasty – nearly caught by a bouncer pissing in the corner of the SU and banned from pop for life
Baz – angry but for a swift “American football pub golf” to save the day
Pop – essentially a myth
Thor – propositioned to a 6ft8 woman by Harry who took on the role of cupid for the entirety of POP
Rav – cupids bitch
Rhino – giving away 2 tickets to West Brom vs Brighton to a random girl at the front of pop
Tickets – out of date
Fresher Clobber – stealing Hetty’s whip by running
Timmo’s missus – cock blocking Tasty and doing the poor girl a favour to be honest
Rhino – stealing from the lord as he schlots two hot chocolates from the Christian stand
Randall – tempted back onto campus by the devious fresh
The group – heading to AV for some post pop fun and stumbling upon a mobility scooter in AV2
Harry Collins – getting on and proceeding to drive it 3 yards straight forward into a wall
Fresh – running away
Aragog – stealing a traffic cone and running into JM4 and spiting Ridge for missing circle by wedging it into the sink
The group – disbanding with Randall sneaking into Ridge’s bed while Ridge was in his girlfriends bed
Valentines Day – romantic
Circle – even more romantic, until your 13th pint