The Chronicles of Circle 2 – Mystery Shot
Monopoly. Cluedo. Trivial Pursuit. Throughout time, some great games have been created with the aforementioned being just a few. However, they all pale in comparison to one game. And that game… is Mystery Shot *clap clap*.
On April 1st, in the year AD 33, 13 men gathered at their local curry house, ‘The Millennium Balti’ for a dinner that was to go down in history as “The Last Supper”. Those 13 men were Jesus and his 12 Diseshples. From the peak of Mt. Zion, roars of GENTLEMEN!! could be heard as the Diseshples banged their tables and polished off their starters. Jesus then popped out to the local offie to purchase some of Jerusalem’s finest spirits. Upon his return, Jesus proposed a cheeky game of Mystery Shot. After pouring 13 shots of differing liquids, everyone had to pick and correctly identify a shot using only smell. “Thou shall then wack their shot to see if thou art correct.” Jesus explained. Peter started off the game. “I think it could be… Drambuie?” He was correct. Bartholomew followed. “Definitely Buca mate” he declared. He too was correct. After a few more rounds of Mystery Shot, the lads were starting to feel it and so Jesus conjured up some bread to soak up the sesh. The final shot of the game fell to Judas. Judas raised it to his nose, took a sniff, and smiled. “Water” he said confidently. But as he raised the water to his lips, Jesus turned the water into wine and thus Judas was incorrect. “April Fools!!” proclaimed Peter. The lads all creased at Judas’s misfortune. “Wack and leave!” shouted Simon the Zealot. Further chants of “freshen up” were commenced and Judas begrudgingly wacked his wine and left. Judas however was not one to forget the disservice that he had been dealt. Hours later, Jesus was nailed to the cross and it was all because of that cheeky game… of Mystery Shot.

“Fuck it”
Golf course – hit with familiar curse words
Tasty – for once not the culprit
Hall/Tasty – having an absolute stormer
Bexson – having a shocker, 6 down after 9 holes
Time – 2pm
Dan – already getting ready for Exec meeting
Exec meeting – at 6pm
Kinners – pulling a ‘Dan Lewis’ and arriving late
Dan – still the last to arrive
Exec meeting – quick
Club stash site – finally up
Blood drive – organised
Alcohol ban – enforced on the night before the blood drive
Kasbah – no longer an option
Chopportunities – missed
Kraus – returning for the darb-growing offerings of the Balti
Attendance – 50 strong
Larkins – placing his order at 6:30 via Stilo, not realising the curry didn’t even start until 7
Tasty – “where is Larkins?”
Reynard – “he’s just getting changed, he should be here soon”
Kinners – leaving after exec meeting, missing club meal in order to mentally prepare for Friday’s Exec circle
Everyone – surprised that Kinners would miss dinners
Millenium Balti – clearing everyone out for 7pm
Money – on the mind of the Balti staff as 50 sesh-hungry / generally hungry clubmen stroll through the holy gates
Poppadoms – a plenty
Kraus – being recognised by Abdul
Dan – causing horror in the MB staff’s eyes as they remember the crime scene he produced the year before
GENTLEMEN!! – loud enough to stop the waiters from taking orders
MOTW – extensive
Randall – nominated for lying. Randall has been blessed with a bevvy of attractive housemates. After striking up a short-lived romance with one of them during freshers week, Randall confides in Tasty that he slept with her. Twice. After keeping it on the down low for a while, Randall eventually reveals that his flat found out during a particularly fruitful game of Never Have I Ever. Tasty, feeling confident that he could now talk about the topic, asked Randall’s so called chop how Joe was in bed, only to be told that they had never slept together. Tasty then asked Randall how she was at given head, only to be told by the not-chop that he did all the work and that he didn’t get much in return. Randall, you sir have been mugged off.
Tasty – nominated for School days whoppery. After making a last minute decision to go to School days, Tasty arrives on campus with a bottle of rum and hopes of a choptastic night. After having a heavy pres at Randall’s, Tasty stumbled his way to School days. After approximately 30 minutes, Tasty was then seen in his regular Rouge bar perch but sadly not chirpsing. Instead he was seen sitting with head in arms, wretching. With medical help imminent, Tasty receives a second wind and is not seen again for 2 hours. He is next spotted in the SU toilets, taking a shit. Having been in there for a while, the stewards peers over to check on him to which Tasty says “stop looking over at my cock you dirty pervert”. He somehow manages his way back to Randall’s where he locks himself in the toilet. Upon Joe’s return, he finds Tasty passed out on the toilet, fully naked. 20 minutes later… Tasty is still passed out but this time starfished on the bathroom floor. Another 20 minute passes and Tasty is found passed out in Joe’s bed in nothing but a towel. New years resolution… going well.
Jewson – nominated for a big Surrey night out. Having resisted the allure of Casino in Guildford, the Wack Shack Reunion party (and Jewson) discover themselves in Popworld. After a heavy night on the sesh, Jewson spots a rather rotund woman in the distance. In his best Winston Churchill impression, Jewson exclaims “I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be fat.” Sadly for Jewson, he like Winston has a voice that carries and he is heard by the barwoman who takes a disliking to Jewson. She from that point forward refuses to serve Jewson and as such, the Wack shack had to spend all night pointing out randomers as their friends when the woman asked who they were buying drinks for.
Rajakanthan – nominated for snakey behaviour. Having been MOTW in week 1 this term, Bozza was still not quite over the #leamingtonbridge debacle. Imagine his surprise then when his Juan showed him a screenshot of the mupdates, which highlighted why he had been nominated! Bozza, horrified, asked where the screenshot had come from. “Don’t worry” said Georgia, “they only came from Josh, who got them from Alex”. Turns out Alex is in the business of leaking classified information. Naughty naughty.
Hall – nominated for a dire Eggheads appearance. Having attempted to take on the Eggheads alongside his St. Albans cricket club in November, his showdown was finally aired this past week. Jonny is sporting his fantastic movember effort and looking ready for the win. Cue… the sports round. “I’ll take that on” said Jonny. “And I’ll go against Lisa”. Confident in his choice, Jonny is immediately quizzed on the regulation height of a women’s Olympics balance beam. Not using his common sense, Jonny selects 2.25m (can you imagine them trying to get on that?!) and is incorrect with 1.25m being the correct answer. Lisa powers on to tear Jonny apart 3-2 and effectively cost his entire team the game as the final round included a question in reference to Work by Rihanna. I’m told its Big Jon’s favourite…
Ferdi – nominated for Kasbah antics. It’s 1am on a Monday and Leamington is quiet. In the far reaches of Coventry however, an elite unit of Ferdi, Merriman and Ballo have decided to take on Kasbah. Ferdi, arriving first and obviously absolutely wrecked decides to let his comrades know where he is. “I’m in the smoking armeap and I’m aware that I’m unarmed.” 5 minutes pass and he still has yet to be found. “Please someone help me” says the next text. Concerned facebook onlookers Roachy, Choppy and Tasty decide that an intervention is needed and command Ballo to find him. He is found… sitting in a chunky pool of vomit alongside his housemate and looking worse for wear.
Kraus – nominated for the same night out as Jewson. After returning home to the Clayden residence, they are treated to some peanut butter brownies. Kraus, who has an intense peanut allergy, is warned not to go near the brownies. “I don’t have an allergy tonight” says Kraus as he dives into the brownies. Queue 30 minutes later… Kraus is spotted over the sink, spitting having had to use his epipen to stop his anaphylactic shock.
Tasty – having to stop any further nominations
Cheering system – democratic as always
Tasty and Jewson – clear winners
Hall – pushed in to make it a 3 way wack off due to the lone cheer of Jewson
Wack-off – Hall losing to Tasty and Jewson, donning the dress in the Balti toilets
Wine wacks – plentiful due to recent birthdays with Kraus, J$, Merriman and Tim joined by Hall for his MOTW pint
Curry’s – all on order
J$ – fulfilling his treasurer duties and collecting the money in beforehand to avoid the short-changing of last club meal
Extra money – going towards a beer for everyone
Table of loose behaviour – back again and being led by Tasty, with help from Bex, Reynard, Snakey, Howard, Goodyear and Rooty
Ash and Atkins – the first to join the table rotation
Storytime – this time requiring the fresh to give an example of when they have been the shittest bloke they’ve ever been. The shitter the bloke, the more likely to lose
Leaderboard – established across all of the fresh, the overall loser having to wack further wine
Atkins – going in hard with a story of how for a game, he stole a homeless man’s tent and all of the belongings in the tent
Ash- unlikely to win, merely a banterous story of getting with his best mates ex
Atkins – clearly the shitter bloke, wacking a nice beer, wine, vodka and mango chutney concoction
Fill the cup – being started
Tasty – adding a nice base of onion, mango chutney and yoghurt sauce.
Tasty – “I call this the holy trinity”
Atkins – having already taken a pounding, leaves the table, calling in Tim as replacement
Tim – literally the nicest bloke ever, only being able to hit us with a tale of pulling a chair out from someone causing them to split their head open
Ash – decided as the shitter bloke of the two, wacking another pint of Tasty’s making
Rooty – feeling sorry for Ash, not making him do it
Ash – “I can do it, I was just laughing”
Rooty – obviously offended, “I was trying to help you but if you wanna be like that, then get it down you”
Ash – losing the majority of the rest of the games, eventually departing the table in a sorry state
Randall – replacing him
Randall – getting with a mates ex having been told by his mate not to
Randall – the shitter of the two
Reynard – keen to make the pint for Randall, returning with a curdled mixture of Tia Maria, Drambuie and various other spirits
Reynard – adding red wine and stirring for the final concoction
Randall – seeing it off in decent time
Bex – arriving with a tray of shots
Bex and Tasty – we are going to play a game of… “Mystery Shot” *clap clap*
Randall and Tim – taking it in turns to guess the shots by smell
One shot – unidentifiable
Tasty – stumped, going to the bar with Snakey to find out the identity of the shot
Tasty – “can I smell the bottle of Drambuie please?”
Snakey – “definitely not the Drambuie”
Tasty and Snakey – ordering a further 6 shots to identify the shot
Mystery Shot – Southern Comfort
Ash – struggling with his curry, spilling a cheese naan all over himself
Ash – giving Turner an in depth explanation of the feeling of Mandy, recommending it no more than once a month
Ash – “you only have so much Seratonin in your body”
Curry – starting to arrive, table of looseness becoming more docile as a variety of Bhuna, Balti and Chicken Tikka arrive
Adithya – telling a story of a time he got arrested (not a shit bloke story)
Adithya – having left Smack early, he realised he had left his coat in the cloakroom. Adi trys to get back in but nearby police mistake him for trying to push into the club and apprehend him. “This is bullshit” he shouted as he walked off before proceeding to punch a lamppost. The police then do him for damage to public property, cuff him and he spends a night in a cell before being fined £90
Adithya – they at least wiped my criminal record and I made my 10am the next morning so not all was bad
Ash – meanwhile, doing a Dan Lewis in the toilet and causing havoc
Larkins – finally arriving close to 9pm
Larkins – possibly the slowest changer in the history of man
More fresh – arriving at the table with Cheeky next to tell his story about getting with the girl that his mate was in love with
Cheeky – Pascal
Snakey – taking his turn to build a pint, putting plenty of spirit in it
Curries – cleared away
Sesh – back on
Aneesh, Rhino and Millman – leaving early
Om Menom – delivering one of funniest finishing lines to a story. Having spent 5 minutes building up the backstory about how his best mate was in love with this girl for 3 years and they all went to this festival together, Om finishes by just saying “oh and then I shagged her”.
Om – shit bloke, wacking a Rooty special
Om – getting caught up in round 2 of Mystery shot
Om – not familiar with spirits, losing 5 rounds in a row
Om – allowed to leave with Harry Riley replacing him
Randall – still on the table having endured pints and shots galore
Kraus – joining the looseness
Harry – “well I went to school days so that in itself makes me a shit bloke”
Kraus – “here here”
Harry – continuing on to say that he got bevved, returned home to an afterparty where he proceeded to get with this girl, rated as a 3/10 out of pity and missing the chance to get with a genuine fittie who told him that he had missed his chance with her
Table of looseness – putting together the final shots and pints
Tasty – declaring Joe Atkins the overall winner of the shit bloke award, rewarding him with a wine bolt
Tasty – attempting to collect tips
Roach – no chance of a tip
Roach – so fucking northern
Bozza – returning home with an Iceland cheesecake to make up for the fact he would be attending Exec circle on Friday
Ash – being carried out of the Balti by Bex and Goodyear and somehow managing to get into Kelseys
UWMCC – getting the eliminator down
Randall – throwing a cue ball, knocking over Wellsy’s pint and proceed to run away
Adil – sharking Tasty at pool for cash
Kelsey’s bartender – fucking hot
Clubmen – keen to get to POP!, arriving at the bus stop very early
Randall – revealing his potential chop who he previously only knew as Asian Pretty was actually called Dietary
Dietary – probably has a lot of requirements
U1 – ready to receive the chants of the UWMCC
Angels – to commence
Back street boys – to follow
Girls on U1 – joining in initial chants before challenging Tasty’s authority
Tasty – unamused, hitting back with massive renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody, Jerusalem and Wonderhall
POP! – already going off by the time of the UWMCC arrival
Front – quickly reclaimed by club legend Merriman
Ballo and Tim – quick to poach themselves matching hats
Ash – now relatively sober due to his drinking ban
Everyone else – could probably do with a drinking ban
Tasty – managing to get away with paying £0 for all of his drinks for the night
Kinners – still at home, mentally preparing for Exec circle
UWMCC contingent – fairly small with few making it to the end
NU1 – dead
Randall – taking a bottle of liquid with him to his 9am seminar thinking it was water, takes a swig only to discover it was a nice strong G&T
Randall – almost chunning in class
Rumours – Millennium Balti still cleaning up the leftovers of Ash Hughes
Dan Lewis = Vomit Picasso
Ash Hughes = Vomit Da Vinci

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