Exec Meeting – The usual suspects are late
Usual suspects – Rory, Jabzy and Nathan
Sash – keeps highlighting all the words whilst talking like some sort of nervous tick
Sash – jittering in excitement to start a fight on an innocent bystander at front left
Sash – not your typical president
PCP – steadily fills up
Freshers – arriving in good numbers
Jabzy and Joe – getting the gamble pot going and trying to put in some originals
Guantanamo – after Harry’s unfortunate stint last week
Table bitches – Shiv and F-dog
Shiv – known for his bin specialties
F-dog – a bitch
Tables – sorted with ease
Pints – poured
SJ – must still be serving his sentence for noncing around as he has not appeared in weeks
Gentlemen – putting hockey’s shit chanting to shame
Uniform – a number of senior clubmen proudly wearing party hats
Jabzy – informs them that to wear them they must wack
Pussybois – back down and take the hats off
Other than that – pretty tasty
Muppet of the week nominations – Joe, Ben and NJ
NJ – nominated for repeatedly abandoning circle in order to join women’s cricket despite punishment
NJ – shame
Joe – nominated for gassing up Trent Alexander-Arnold whilst driving and getting so carried away that he crashes into someone
Joe – talking about his fifa team like a child of his
Ben – nominated for grafting with serious effort only to brag about getting a cuddle
Ben – could get to at least third base with a drunk CalGal
Result – even
Wack off – F-dog nominated to represent Ben until he gets to circle
F-dog – inevitably loses
F-dog – still handed the dress and also has to wack again despite actually doing nothing wrong much to the amusement of the rest of circle

1st Session:

Gamble (Krish) – Sash Abassi Slip Cordon
SA Slip cordon – all of those in the V decided by Sash have to wack
Sash – “Pillar to pillar”
NJ + companions – getting the sesh in nice and early
New Game – 20+1
First try – James Sood targeted
Sood – “Table wacking”
Rest of circle – disappointed
Table wacking – a very unoriginal choice but does help Jabzy cover the whole of circle
Fresher Archie – called a stupid stupid fresh as he messes up on 15
Fresher Cumshot – “new rule is multiples of five are cumshot”
CalGal – obviously a big fan
20+1 – nice to ease people in but really does need good rules to make exciting
Time – for a new game
Gamble (Sash) – slip cordon
Victims – Rory 1, Ollie 2 and Bird 3
Rory – taking a lifetime to mix his one wack
Bird – crushing his first but before his third looks in real danger
Bird – off to the toilets
New Game – Tinder
Circle – *groans*
Jabzy – *smiles*
MT – “He just wants to see the world burn”
First round – Definite collusion from NJ’s side as 12 people are sat down
Pitkin – fuming as SBS members did not have to wack
Jabzy – points out to him it was only 6 people in a row, nowhere near as obvious
SBS – will be watched from now on
Superlike round – producing nothing first up
Second round – still nothing
Third round – still nothing and so all of the circle will wack a single
Gamble (Ridge) – NUKE
Jabzy – with a smile on his face announces that “Ridge has pulled out…. NUKE!!”
Rest of circle – point out that Jabzy has left his four wacks on Ridge’s table
Jabzy – horrified
Rest of circle – may fall apart with Jabzy tiptoeing around the oversesh
Essex – after returning from the toilets declares “I have just chundered 100% out of my nose”
Essex – has a way with words
MT – hiding pints like a shameless loser
Ben – decides to show up very late to circle
Ben – wacks and is notified he is now muppet of the week and he must wack 2
New Game – Duck duck moose
Rory – getting smashed but loves the bread of heaven tune echoing round circle
Parth – stitching up Bird big time as he has caught him mid pour
Bird – picks Sood but gets absolutely crushed
NJ – loving the fact Ivan has been caught out for stitching a fresh
Gamble (Fresher Harry) – Nominate 1 minute challenge squared
Fresher Harry – looks uncomfortable after a heavy first session so far
Full pints – demanded
Fresher Harry – getting to two but really struggling
Fresher Harry – chundering over his table but perfectly into the bin
3 – pointer
Pints nominated – Pitkin, Shiv and a double for Archie
New Game – ICICN
Ridge – “I claim I can name five reasons why Harry and Megan left the royal family”
Jabzy – tells him it’s a shit claim and Ridge wacks
Krish – claims he can name 1 Development squad player
Rory – gets stitched and now has to name 27
Rory – names ten and gives up
Joe – I claim I can name one GOAT
Ridge – the man claimed
Ridge – “mountain”
Circle – allow this unorthodox approach
Ridge – “Fresher Baby”
Joe – a huge fan of the baby
Ridge – ultimately fails and “Jack Ridge is a silly cunt” is blasted out for the third time in the round


Jabzy – notifying Joe and Sash that the package has been delivered
Jabzy – obviously referring to the massive shit he just dropped off in the toilet
Some random guy – “urghhh smells fucking horrendous in here”
Ridge – overheard bragging about the fact he didn’t throw up the whole of last circle
Jabzy – takes note
Joe – on for a record amount of pints in circle
MT – also had hit his third round in first session
Ridge’s table – feeling the detrimental effects of that nuke

2nd Session:

Supergamble (Fresher Archie) – Uber Phaal
Fresher Harry – will accompany in having the hottest curry at club meal as he did not make it to the first club meal despite getting the same supergamble
Phaal – very very fucking hot
Also – no drinks or rice allowed until dish is finished
New Game – Danny Williams PL Darts
Parth – saving his team by hitting a shot in the final seconds of the 1 minute
Cricket house – losing for a second week in a row as CalGal tears them apart with a buzzer beater in the final seconds
Bird’s table – going against the fresh absolutely demolish them
Pints – being devoured all around as half the circle is vacated either to the toilets or to get another round
Jabzy – always seems to lose at Danny Williams despite his best efforts
Gamble (Fraser) – 1 minute plank
F-dog – getting his chiselled rig out for all to see
Club tie – of course staying on throughout
F-dog – poor form at first with the plank but is corrected with the help of Krish
NJ – in a move riddled with disrespect uses one of Fraser’s own cups to hit his pint all over him within the first 15 seconds
Fraser’s arse – now soaked in purple
No doubt – an uncomfortable night ahead for the f-dog
New Game – Trivia
Sood’s table – who is Australia’s leading try scorer in rugby union?
Answer – David Campese
Sood – incorrect and the oldies are subjected to a double
Joe’s table – what stadium hosted its first FA cup semi final in 1991?
Joe – “It’s definitely not wembley”
Answer – wembley
See – ya
Fraser’s table – who did Muhammad Ali defeat in order to become heavyweight champion?
Fraser – *standing up* OOOOoooo OOooo “Sonny Liston”
Incredible – Knowledge
Fraser – now showing really how much he loves his fighting
Fresher table – which European team alongside England went to the ‘96 cricket world cup
Freshers – Switzerland
Answer – of course the Netherlands
Pitkin’s table – what tournament did Tiger Woods win in ‘97 to win his first major?
Pitkin’s table – “we know NOTHING about golf”
Jabzy – gives a hint and grabs his jacket
Hint – to obvious
Pitkin – knows straight away
Pitkin – sends pints straight to Joe’s table who have taken a battering


Law and Order – out the window
MT – looking in real trouble
Ridge – routed out by Jabzy as the chant master or whatever on the bulletin board
Ridge – calling for more diverse songs even though, as Jabzy explains, he was warned not to overdo the different songs and to set a staple
Fraser and Ben – having it out as its argued that Ben threw a pint of Fraser’s into the bin
The muppet – really not in Frasers good books
Ben – clearly not appreciating the fact Fraser represented him in the wack off
Parth – witness to the whole episode
Parth – traumatised that mum and dad are fighting

3rd Session:

Gamble (Sharky) – Double Shoeboat
Sharky – opts for two wacks out of one rather than one out of each
Choice – a sensible one
Sharky – loads up and smashes it to the tune of jaws
Sharky – then squelching around in his right shoe
New Game – One fat frog
A number of circlers – not shouting loud enough
Therefore – no one can hear ffs
Rory – has no clue what is going on
Jabzy – neither
Circle – one of the heaviest so far this year
Joe – “I love you Jabzy” (in the voice of that little fat ginger kid in Shrek 3)
SBS – bursting out laughing
Jabzy – losing everyone’s attention
Jabzy – desperate to get it back grabs the gamble pot
Jabzy – after multiple “who wants to wack?” tricks earlier actually asks who wants to gamble
Apparently – Fresher Archie again
Gamble (Fresh Archie) – steal a wack
Fresher Archie – turns around and goes for the most bait move
Fresher Archie – obviously getting caught by Women’s football who all look at him
Fresher Archie – now must venture off to find one
Finally – he grabs one and smashes it
New Game – flip cup
CalGal’s team – clearly cheating as they flip their cups the wrong way up and try to count it
Also – a number of his team trying to start drinking before the flip has been completed
Jabzy – producing the winning move twice
Joe – “I’m on 14 pints that’s equalled my record”
Joe – also has rumours surrounding him about pissing behind the stage again
Parth’s team – victorious of course
Sood’s table – on fire as yet again they dispatch the fresh team who to be fair did not know the rules
Gamble (Parth) – Double Gamble Wack
Cheers – all over the shop
Parth – head in hands moment
The double – done with dignity still on show
Build up – begins
Parth – giving the pot a lucky stir
Gamble – Family facetime wack
Parth – must facetime a family member in the middle of circle whilst wacking
Parth – chooses his dad who accepts the call swiftly
Parth – smashes it and then hangs up
Parth’s dad – apparently loved it
Joe – really a silly mess
MT – looking like Prince Phillip
NJ – actually still in the circle
Wack and leave – now active
One fat frog – to speed things up as many have pints left
Many – half pints which are corrected
Microcircle – a real blur at this point to all involved
The winner – ??? mystery man reveal yourself
Joe – stumbling down the stairs
Fresher Laurie – having some trouble with some physics cunt who says he is always at the area that we do megamix in and that we “can’t fucking reserve it”
Yes – we fucking can
Bloke – throws a builders hat at us and misses everyone saying “cricket is shit”
Uncultured – peasant
Physics boy – removed

Megamix –

Starts – strong
Feet – stomping
Eyes – widening
Hearts – beating
Backstreet boys – confidently sung incorrectly by MT who then diverts the group down a different structure of lyrics
Jabzy – cannot be arsed to correct it this week and just shrugs his shoulders and continues
Essex – also cannot be arsed and carries on
Essex – the master of megamix lyrics now with bags of experience
MT – you’d think the same


Front left – on lockdown
Fresher cumshot’s mate – trying to beef Sash and Parth or vice versa
Some ugly bloke – slumping around with his rig out
And no – I’m not talking about Sash
Fresher Harry – wearing a women’s hoodie it seems but still spotted later on the pull on his way to Leam?!
Joe – losing VK races to Sash
Joe – now has lost his reputation
Fraser – throwing up on the bus back
Chun – also still remaining as the bus came back around

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