Sash – managing to book a 500 seat lecture theatre for the exec meeting
Sohayl – sitting way at the back to stop anyone seeing the back of his shlid
Parth – taking his role of gen sec seriously and hiding for 15 minutes
Owen, MT and Essex – pinging around paper airplanes which fly surprisingly well
Nathan – turning up late with the excuse of he had to make small talk
Meeting – taking ages
Jabzy – has to come up with a makeshift gamble pot
PCP – empty af
Serious danger – of an exec circle + only 3 others
Jabzy – conscious of the chaos of week 1 enters CR at 7:35
MT and Sharquis – the chosen assistants
MT – bringing a bit of experience
Sharquis – bringing the muscle
Tables – actually piss easy and sorted out straight away
Hopefully – a sign of things to come in the following weeks
Circle – getting started swiftly as everyone secures the sesh early doors
Essex – letting Jabzy know his New Year’s resolution is to be less grumpy at circle

Probable New Year’s resolutions:

Krish – to try and sneak his way down to quarter pints
Sash – to start more fights in front left
Ridge – to finish his evolution into Murphy
Joe – to spend more time with his grandkids
F-dog – to chop every single female in Leamington
CalGal – to learn the rules of basic circle games
Fresher Cumshot – to aim when wanking pre-family meal

First Session-

Gentlemen – every clubmen showing how much they have missed circling
Owen – getting very close to doing a double with the wooooos
Uniform – smashed
Christmas – no doubt providing some new appropriate socks and some new Lynx Ice Chill (Lynx Africa if you are a wasteman) for the majority
Muppet Dress – still with Amogh
Amogh – absent
Punishment – as he is not a first time offender he must wear the dress every week to circle, FURTHERMORE, he will buy a new dress AND for the rest of the term will wack at the start of circle
Clubmen – show their approval of the punishment with a gentle clap
Jabzy – forgetting what term it is
Jabzy – also forgetting the order of proceedings and losing his pride and dignity
Muppet Dress – between MT and Jabzy
Jabzy – for not knowing basic circle procedure
MT – For his failings involving P&C for the UWMCC football match
MT – not even at the football, and scapegoated for bants
Jabzy – gets sent in the race and has to wack
Gamble (Ridge) – Double Gamble Wack
Cheers – echoing round CR2
Ridge – as a veteran of the sesh sees the first two off with ease
Build up starts – for the second gamble
Gamble (Ridge) – Left Right Magic Roundabout
Rory and Owen – the lucky men
Ridge – smashes the final wack
Owen and Rory – produce a roundabout with no magic at all
New Game – 20+1
Fresher Sam – unsure about what rule to introduce goes for Table wacking
Fresher Sam – also showing his slow but steady wacking technique
Ridge – making a fatal error and subjecting his table (just Owen) to wack
Owen – furious with his stupidity
Bird – introducing the rule of multiples of 5 are banging your head on the table
Rule – A good one
Ivan – made to redo banging his head as he did not do it hard enough
Fresher Archie – refusing to do it at all
Stupid – Stupid fresh
Gamble (Fresher Harry) – La Decima
Fresher Harry – adhering to the full pint rule
Anticipation – building
La Decima – an exclusive club
Fresher Harry – fails miserably with a 27 second time
However – the man didn’t spill any and he did full pints so still gets respect
New Game – Randall Splat
Sesh – generator
Ridge – already battered by this point
Rohan – a surprisingly fast wacker
Freshers – establishing themselves by sending a few second years
Fresher Alfie – spilling half of his pint all over himself
Last two – Tumnus vs Ridge
Ridge – annihilates Tumnus
Ridge – feeling the pints now
Gamble (Fresher Archie) – Fresher 1 minute challenge
All of the other fresh – now hate Archie
Target – 23 for 10 of them
New blokes – seemed slow and so target was adjusted
Freshers – absolutely kill it and hit 27 with apparent ease
4 pints sent to – Krish, Sharquis, Bird and NJ
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Fresh – many in the toilet chundering so a great time to get some cricket in and potentially a high score
No – that didn’t happen
Nathan – out
Sash – out
Parth – out
Seniors – doing a poor job
Fresh – arrive back at about 6 down
Total 63 – horrendous
All – must only single
NJ – definitely cheating and trying to play off a six as a defensive
Gamble (MT) – Subject Chains
Chains – will start in second session
Parth – looking around in horror with seven people chained to him
HisPol – in both chains
New Game – Heads/Tails
Rory – continuously asking what side is face up
Jabzy – having to borrow the coin as he has no money
Final round – everyone in circle apart from Joe and Jabzy back tails
Heads – it is
Joe and Jabzy – giving everyone else the finger as they wack in silence


This recess – not providing much however at some point this happened…
Fresher Cumshot – knocks over a hockey guys drink
Hockey twat – fuming
HT – “Buy me another one!”
Fresher Cumshot – no
HT – at least go 5050 on one
Cumshot – walks up to the bar with him and waits for him to order one
Cumshot – when pint is poured says “I’m not gonna buy you one, you’re a cunt” and proceeds to walk off
Cumshot – describes the events “I set him up with a couple half volleys then bounced him”
Top – class

2nd Session-

Gentlemen – rallying the troops
MT – has found a hat but has to wack out of it if he wants to wear it
Hat – seemingly very porous
MT – does another but this time through the hat and not out of it
Supergamble (Fresher Harry) – Guantanamo Bay
G Bay – finally is picked out despite being in the supergamble pot for three weeks before
Fresher Harry – after finding out what it means goes off to take his boxers off
New Game – PL Darts
Nathan’s Fresh team vs Sood and the Golden Oldies
Golden Oldies – get sent
You – are old
Fresh – doing a fine job with Fresher Sam making a fine addition at his first circle
“The House” vs Rohan’s team – an unlikely match
The bin – due to the vets on the house team placed ever so slightly closer to Rohan’s team
House – sink a quick 180 with good speed shown
Rohan’s team – missing a couple at the start
However – out of nowhere two in a row hit
House team – hit the rim and miss a couple times
Now – two 180s thrown as it goes to 3-3
The final shot – up to Fresher “the Baby” Jamie
Fresher Jamie – clearly not understanding the significance of this throw
Jamie – lines up the throw using an unorthodox technique
Circle – go ballistic
Fresher Baby – now a club legend
Gamble (Sash) – Strip Tease Wack
Sash – must wack whilst giving a strip tease
Every item of clothing that comes off – one nomination
Sash – managing to get down to his boxers with one shoe still covering his manky foot
Blonde Bouncer – orders Sash over to her
Sash’s night – could come to an early end
Sash – gathers up his clothes in shame
Sash – a dirty slut
Bouncer – takes Sash to Mark
Mark – being the legend he is lets Sash return
Mark – a true gent
Sash – five to nominate
Sash – hits chains with a genius move
Ridge – dragged into another wack
Parth – having to do a double
Parth – 2 pints more than enough for him
New Game – Trivia Home/Away
Oldies – How many minutes of action are there in an average baseball game?
Oldies – after much deliberation decide on 20 with a +/- 5 allowance
Answer – 18
Wise – Wise Men
Oldies – send a pint to the freshers and Ivan’s table
Fresher table – what team won 3 superbowls in 1990?
Fresher Josh – stands up and shouts “DALLAS COWBOYS”
Fresher Josh – earns his team 2 nominations
F-dog’s table – sent one
MT’s table – sent one
Think – about it
F-dog’s table – “What is the circumference of a baseball in inches?”
Fresher Archie and Fraser – in intense discussion
Answer given – 10 inches
Real answer – 9 ¼
Close – but no cigar
Ed’s table – After how many fouls does a basketball player get sent off?
Ivan – confidently says 5
Answer – six
Rohan’s table – How many seasons did Michael Jordan play with the Chicago Bulls before going back into the game with the Wizards?
Fresher jamie – given 20 secs to ask Rushat as he apparently loves basketball
Fresher Jamie – returns
Answer – “6 apparently”
Real answer – 13
Joe’s table – What is the diameter of a basketball hoop in inches?
Sash – how big is a foot?
Discussion – pointless as they answer 13 when it is 18
Drink – up
Ridge and Owen – up next
Jabzy – scrolls quickly through his list of questions
Q – When was the first Wimbledon held?
Rory – (sat next to them) Oh I know this!
Jabzy – quietly checks with Rory
No – he doesn’t
Answer – wrong
Ridge – another 2 to help him along
With that – recess


Fresher Harry – led to the hole to do his guantanamo with boxers in hand
Jabzy – not wanting to get him banned decides toilets is best and films it for all clubmen to see
Fresher Harry – smashes it and is soaked in purple
Cheeky – always a mess the poor lad
Sash – probably limbering up for a fight
Joe – shitfaced already
Mihir and NJ – joining women’s circle for a bit improving club relations
Rest of circle – don’t appreciate this tho

3rd Session-

Gentlemen – not quite as beautiful as the first
More like – dying animals
Ridge – looks like a dying animal
Gamble (Sharquis) – Soulimani’s revenge
Soulimani’s revenge – following the 15 missiles fired at US army bases to avenge the death of Soulimani, Sharquis can send 15 pints round circle
New game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Starting number – 30
29 – forcing a few drinks
Jabzy – losing count as people disappear and reappear
Sharquis – ending up a loser
Reverse Sherwin – an easy way to generate sesh
Gamble (Joe) – Michael Trimaston
Week 1 – a time for many to get a new trim
Jabzy – amongst it
Rory – fresh
Parth – seen by Jabzy getting one
Joe – finally gambling? What?
Jabzy – showing everyone the footage to prove Harry did Guantanamo
Sharquis – hits all the chains as he is allowed to nominate his 15
Fresher Harry – left his purple soaked boxers in the hole
Chains – were made still active as sesh 2 was full of team games
New Game – Roman Numerals
Nathan – has no clue as always
Fresher Sam – also hasn’t had the rules explained to him
Roman numerals – always a confusing time for a bunch of drunk freaks
RN – also can get boring to impatient freaks
Gamble (Bird) – Speaker of the house
Bird – can say ORDER 5 times to make someone drink extra
New Game (needed) – One Fat Frog
Fresher Sam – also does not have a clue about this game
Parth – keeps whispering it but is asked to shout
Parth – shit bloke trying to stitch a fresh
Two fat frogs – the limit apparently
Bird – using 4 of his orders at once and Blitzing the history chain
Speed 20+1 – in session
Wack – and leave
Time – is running out
Jabzy’s memory – becomes foggy at this point
Many clubmen – sat around with no drinks
Told – to fuck off downstairs
Microcircle – ending sharply as everyone wants to head down to rouge to continue the night
Fresher Harry – always a mess but you have to love it


Angels – done in a different order this week for some reason
Everyone – to drunk to notice
Essex and Jabzy – only ones to notice
Jerusalem – sung with pride
Singing – comes to an end as the boys get ready to go sink VKS, start fights, shark freshers and dance like pricks
Joe – smashing a ceiling tile over some randoms head
Where – the fuck did that come from
Same guy – clamps on to Parth’s arm and wants a fight
Sash – also stealing a hat and almost starting a fight
Ben Harrison – possibly chopping his tinder date by now as he has ditched the boys to go to London…
Week 1 – a success
Bring on – next week

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