CMD meeting – booked in a room which is only found at the end of a maze
Physics offer holders meeting – providing some PPCP as the boys sneak a few budweisers
Budweisers – really quite a shit beer
Suitable – for physics offer holders
Sash – turning up in jeans and called out straight away
Sash – finally took it upon himself to sort his shlid out
Countdown – in full flow for a while as there are a few late turn ups
Pitkin – apparently better than the computer as he nails a math problem that the website doesn’t even provide a solution to
Humanities students – clearly the superior at the word game
CMD routine – smashed out with the few who are there
CMD – an easy W
Essex – ratting out fresher Archie for taking his tie off as well during baywatch
Fresher Archie – “he told me to do it!”
Essex – a sleazy fucker clearly
Jabzy – wary of such violent shithousery
Fresher Archie – leaving his belt and wallet behind at training
Sash – seeing an opportunity grabs both
Fresher Archie – re enters the room as his trousers were probably falling down looking for his stuff
Sash – whilst holding belt and wallet in plain sight asks “What are you looking for?”
A whole conversation – proceeds before Fresher Archie finally realises his stupidity
Stupid – stupid fresh
Sash – shitty shitty bloke
Jabzy – quickly smashing out the gamble pot in an experimental circle and keeping the gambles very much to himself
Amogh – in his bid to save the planet leaves the lights and AC on
Sash, Amogh and Jabzy – leave the building eventually after getting lost
Dispute – over whether there is a cut through in between the buildings to get to T bar
Amogh and Sash – go balls to the wall
Jabzy – evidently a pussy goes for the percentage option and takes the long route
Jabzy – after reaching the main road sees the shithouses 40m ahead and laughing
Sash – “Cmon Jabzy I will beat you at pool”
Sash – proceeds to have his pants pulled down as Jabzy sorts him out
Owen – after definitely not going Smack on tuesday tries to employ the innocent until proven guilty rule
Jabzy – not letting him snake his way out of this one sticks to the guilty until proven innocent
Jabzy – probably will not be invited on to do radio again
Ollie – after nailing his deadlines is ready for a large one
Ollie – a known rogue
Jabzy – gets a text that CR2 has opened at 7:35
Are – you fucking joking?
Jabzy – grabs Essex his trusted companion to help him smash tables
Tables – smashed even with some shitty mix of CMD and devils trying to steal tables
Bin – stolen from the toilets
Chairs – set out already
Shit mix – putting their circle too close to ours and not allowing any room to go to the toilet
Shit mix – after being politely asked by Jabzy, move their circle the other way
Clubmen – storm up the stairs like a flock of wildebeest to a watering hole
Some of devils’ circle – could actually be mistaken for wildebeest
Queue for the bar – large
Just like – our chances of winning CMD
Shiv – “Jabzy can you give me second before you start just need to get something?”
Shithouses – start without him
Jabzy – delaying start and being a decent guy
Shiv – in a fucking unbelievable move comes back with the normal bin
Clubmen – full of praise even after trying to start without Shiv
Gentlemen – boomtown with animals like Ollie enforcing the screams
NJ – having to double because despite warning starts another wooooo
You – dirty northern bastard
Owen – rumoured to have started numerous
Muppet – dress
Amogh – for forgetting to bring the dress on campus for week 8 and then telling some of the others in the SBS to grab it who find it is locked. What. A. Dick.
Archie – nominated for giving some old perv in Physics a dirty strip tease during CMD practice
Cheers – clearly in Amogh’s favour
Amogh – handed the dress and told to do two full pints
Chin – up
Uniform – Sash exposed for his jeans
Boot – cut af
Sash – obviously has an M&S loyalty card
Ridge – holds the same loyalty card with some disgusting socks on show
Fresher Lewis – bringing his pair of converses for the third time in a row
Fresher Lewis – either loves the sesh or only owns one pair of shoes

1st Session

Gamble (Owen) – Heads/Tails Nominate Nuke
Owen – must call correctly on a coin flip, if he does he can nominate a nuke if wrong his table is nuked
Sharquiss – horrified at the thought of being nuked first up has his head in his hands
Sharquiss – deep down wants to show off his impressive drinking stamina to the rest of the circle
Owen – confidently goes tails even though he has 4 wacks of lager staring him in the face
Confidence – misplaced as the Queen’s beautiful side profile is displayed
Owen – not pleased
Owen’s rules – listed
You – aren’t getting up again
Oooooowen McCausland – doo doo doo doo
Carling – is the answer
You – can buy one anywhere
Leads – to violent choices @Fraser Nicholson
Sharquiss – booms out his pints and ventures off to an early chunder
Owen – throws a full pint of Lager in the bin
Owen – despite being a good bloke transforms into a cheating bastard as soon as he enters circle
Fresher Aussie James – finding the fact he is chucking full pints into the bin hilarious
Joe – finding Fresher James finding it funny also finds it funny
Owen – “I didn’t even get to taste the fucking Carling”
Jabzy – very pleased with the nibs
Bait – very well taken
Jabzy – reeling in the prize catch of last years social sec
Fraser – “How tf is that a normal gamble?”
New Game – 20+1
Clubmen – struggle to get past 10 for a few rounds
Finally – Ollie the man who takes the L
What rule? – TABLE WACKING
Table wacking – a cop out of a rule but still gets the sesh going
MT – next loser
MT – multiples of 6 are prem rugby teams
Jabzy – finding that too easy changes it to multiples of 4
Clubmen – should know some fucking rugby teams in the prem
Ridge – Leicester Tigers
Krish – Quinns
Jabzy – after the round gets bored and wants to change the game
Gamble (Fresher Archie) – Fresh 1 minute
Fresher Archie – a very keen gambler
Fresher Laurie – tells him to fuck off after he pulls out the 1 minute
6 Fresh – target 16
Owen – “we want 22!!!”
Jabzy’s imaginary timer – apparently started
Jabzy – realises 20 secs in that he hasn’t set one
Jabzy – just guessing really
Fresh – coordinate to get exactly 16 with a lot of Jabzy’s imaginary seconds to spare
Senior clubmen – respect it
New game – Tinder
MT’s table – 100% cheating
CalGal – definitely a cheating streak of piss
Essex – the sleazy fuck gives Jabzy chat
Joe and Krish – locking eyes as their friendship develops into something more
Superlike – round
First round – no match
Second round – no match
Jabzy – “If no one matches the whole circle wacks”
Funnily enough – two matches
James Sood – tired of chopping ‘the beast’ makes a B line for Ben
Ben – hearing of Sood’s impressive chirpse game meets him halfway
Gamble (Sash) – Too close to call
Sash – must pick people of equal wacking ability to have a race with back the winner in action
Sash – has as many nominations as the winner has supporters
Sash – chooses the bromance of Om and Chandayyyy
Chanday – enters the ring
Om – moves in with malicious intent
Om – getting the most support at first but then a few change their minds
Chandayyyy – sends Om with the power of his Mo clearly making the difference
Sash – ecstatic has 17 to nominate
Those nominated include – Parth, Ben, Fraser, Rory, NJ, Fresher Archie and Laurie etc.
NJ – phone in circle
NJ – tries to deny it in a hopeless effort
NJ – no doubt preparing his requests for disco dave
Arctic monkeys – requested x100000000
New Game – Owen’s S&C
Fresher Laurie – sends Pitkin
Topics – of rubbish and bin keep coming up
Jabzy – entering serious boredom as he tells 5 separate people to change topic
Parth – finding it hilarious
Fresher Harry – is actually stupid
Fresher Harry – tbf to the bloke always sends his pints
Gamble (Owen) – Lager Session
Surely – not
The bloke – clearly loves the carling
Owen – will start 2nd with a round of lagers
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Amogh – after smashing out some countdown at the CMD meeting has turned into a moron in the following hour apparently
Parth – just guesses the whole time
Krish – keeps getting caught not listening but falls back on the block shot to get him out of trouble
Block shot – does its job and keeps the wacks away
Parth – finally getting trapped in front
CalGal – probably the bowler as Parth lives in his back pocket
Sohayl – lives in his other
Total – 94
Fresh – taking up a good portion of the wickets but still a respectable total
Not – converting however
Root – comes to mind
In a flash – a water balloon comes flying over from Shit mix and crashes into Parth’s table spilling pints
WHAT THE FUCK – bellowed out by Joe
Fight mode – activated
NJ – after asking wtf happened to the neighbouring circle finds out it was a genuine accident and the perpetrator will repay the damage he has caused
Owen – overhears their social secs mate say “just don’t buy the pints” to which the bloke replies “nah I can’t do that, they’re cricket, they’ll fuck me up”
Too – right
We will – let F-dog out
F-dog – could probably take all of them at once
Apart – from the wildebeest
Randall – despite the repayment wants to throw full pints at them
Jabzy – tries to settle the hothead down
Randall – then of course finds the unexploded balloon they threw
Jabzy – knows the retaliation is inevitable
Jabzy – calls recess in hopes it will allow people to calm down


Joe and Essex – take it upon themselves to take another circle during recess
Both – appalled that it’s not a no-recess circle
Jabzy – needs to allow the people who actually gamble to have a breather
Essex – needs to step up and gamble
Bird – calling for Jabzy to get the next session started ASAP
Jabzy – needs a piss
Owen – needs to buy another round of piss

2nd Session

Mentle – Gen
Owen – called out to get bitch slapped twice by Sash
Sash – the person you would least want to slap you out of the whole of circle
Build up – started by Jabzy
Sash – thinking of all the alcohol Owen has wasted by chucking it in the bin summons the power of the gods
Sash – smashes his upper back *crack*
OOOOOOs – echoing round circle
Owen – in so much pain
Owen – “It burns”
Sash’s hand print – quickly showing up on Owen’s back
Parth – loving it and filming it
Second build up – started
Owen – shaking in his boots
Sash – this time goes for the lower back *WACK*
Owen – rears up again in agony
The whole of circle – cheers
If you gamble and don’t follow through – you face the consequences
Supergamble (Ridge) – Nominate La Trecima
Ridge – later informed that Guantanamo was the other choice shows huge relief
Ridge – nominates Owen to really rub salt into the slap wounds
Owen – a sobbing mess
Carling – ever present
Bin – moved close
Jabzy – sets the timer of 20 seconds
Owen – sends one
Owen – sends two
10 seconds left – the carling clearly mixing nicely in his stomach
Owen – pauses and almost throws up
Owen – rushes off to go chun
Carling – cannot be defeated
Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Jabzy – after seeing its profound effect at Skool dayz brings it back
Krish – having two quick ones right at the start as he goes for the first one each time
Jabzy – informed by Ollie that there are 30 in the circle sets number to 29
Eventually – Jabzy realises he was misinformed and that you cannot trust a drunk rogue
Owen – notifies Jabzy of this and the number is reset
Sesh – installed
Gamble (Pitkin) – Countdown
Pitkin – given 30 seconds to solve a countdown conundrum
Any word formed – the amount of letters is the amount of nominations
Letters involved – B-L-A-I-R-R-I-T-E
Timer – started
Pitkin – struggling even after the practice earlier
Did you get it? – Pitkin didn’t
Pitkin – later
Answer – Irritable
Sharquiss – had it 10 secs in but was kept quiet
Pitkin – nominates 5 quickly
Too quick – for Jabzy to remember apparently
New Game – Randall Splat
Sash – taking two fat Ls early on
MT – serving him one
Bird – serving the other piping hot
Sash – relegated to a beta male
Sesh Abassi – dead and gone
Fresher Harry – yet again absolutely battered
Gamble (Sharquiss) – nominate miss the bin session
Sharquiss – after having a good look round chooses Fresher Harry
Fresher Harry – ready to add to an already heavy night with miss the bin active in 3rd session
New Game – Roman Numerals
Most of circle – truly disgusting
Ollie Warwick – launches the water balloon at shit mix and gets a hitmarkers
Balloon – still very much not exploded
NJ – caught with his pants down multiple times and has to wack
NJ – obviously not paying attention and planning his bday
Most – saying I II III too fast for Jabzy to comprehend in a genius tactic
Rory – cheating
Gamble (Fraser) – Steal a Wack
Fraser – hurries over to shit mix
Fraser – goes straight to Fresher Archie and Laurie’s flatmate who is always interrupting circle
Fraser – secures the bag
Shit mix – notice
Nothing – done
Shit mix – clearly know F-dog’s violent reputation
Free – pinto
New Game – One fat frog
Fresher Lewis – keeps on dragging Om into wack
Om – furious he has been sat next to such a noob
Om – menon shouted round circle
Chandy – the instigator
Amogh – silently acts out jumped
Joe – has no clue what it is
SBS – say Amogh should wack for his silence
Jabzy – thinks Joe should join him for not keeping up with the game
Joe – obliges like a true gent
Unlike – him
Amogh – gives lip
Amogh – a see you next Tuesday
Fraser – having to wack
Fraser – is a nonce
Parth – tries to change it so southern but fails miserably


Circle – like a bomb has hit it
Everyone – either buying more pints and destroying their overdraft or clinging on for dear life in the toilets
Jabzy – knows that next session will be hard to control
Purple – flowing like a golden river of sex

3rd session

Gentlemen – rallying together the troops
Some ugly drunk blokes – start to sit down
Gamble (Sash) – Speaker of the house
Sash – as speaker of the house can shout order at anyone who has to wack and then they have to do another one
Sash – getting two good gambles in one circle unbelievably
Sash – power crazy at this point after already nominating 17 pints
New Game – Flip Cup
Joe – showing visible excitement
Mihir and Rory – calling for darts
Sorry – lads
Jabzy – has let them down
Owen’s team – sending NJs with ease
NJ – either bored or completely fucked at this point is wearing some rogue sunglasses
MT and CalGal – definitely cheating for the win much to Pitkin’s fury
Jabzy – really needs to look more closely as he has clearly edged it and not walked
Gamble (Fresher Harry) – Double Gamble Wack
Fresher Harry – on miss the bin has really put pressure on himself
Nails – the double
Gamble – Sash Belly Button Mixer
Gamble – very self-explanatory
Fresher Harry – brings VK to circle and is made to wack before telling Jabzy that is the only mixer they’d do
Jabzy – allows him to do it with purple
Sash – vanished
New Game – Trivia
Bird – nailing the number of golf clubs a pro is allowed in his/her bag on PGA = 14
MT’s table – which country invented snooker?
Tip – in Asia
Answer given – South Korea
Answer – India
Joe’s table – What is the horse age limited to in the Kentucky Derby?
Answer – 3 years
Mihir – 4 years (allowed +-1)
Celebrations – celebrated
Pints – fired at NJs table and MTs table
Pitkin’s table – What sport is it possible to have an albion round?
Fresher Laurie – immediately answers golf
Answer – Archery
Slow and steady – wins the race
Gamble (Fraser) – Lecture Wackture
Cheers – erupt
Pitkin – PTSD
Oh wait – he didn’t do it
Fraser – not allowed to gamble again until he completes the task
Game – speed 20+1
Wack and leave – not yet employed
Ollie – returns after a while of disappearing
20+1 – not even reached
Gaps – in circle
Singing – no danger with so little people able to focus
Jabzy – ruining his voice in the process
Tables – brought in to keep the atmosphere alive
Atmosphere – is improved immediately
Rory – sliding his table with some serious force
Gamble (Fresher Aussie James) – Shoeboat Double
Fresher James – after making fun of Jabzy’s mo despite being ginger gets to meet a bit of karma
James – taking off his nice chelsea boots
Barmy army – the appropriate song
James – bowls to the left and to the right
One fat frog – exposing those without pints
Wack – and leave deployed
Rudi – One fat slag
Cries – of welfare
Slag – cmon Rudi its 2019
Sash’s mum – apparently jumped into Ridge’s bed
Sash – failing to introduce the apache helicopter chant
Finalists – Joe and MT
Game – back to speed 20+1
As – it should be
MT – sends Joe to become the champ of the night
Jabzy – having to run down to megamix


Verses – wrong order
Chandy – keeps stumbling into the middle
Not – my club captain
Aussie James – belting out Jerusalem for some reason, not in Australia’s pleasant pastures that’s for fucking sure


Sash – stealing some nice blokes hat and proceeding to tease him about it
Bloke – tries to grab it off of Sash but they end up in a tug of war whilst dancing
Sash – “alright go into the crowd and I will throw it to you”
Bloke – too small to fight obliges
Sash – launches it
Bloke – catches it and gives Sash a high five like a beta would
Joe – sending Sash, Jabzy and Jabzy’s gf in a vk race
Joe – still more plastic straws
Joe – vs Turtle
MT – without glasses at this point has no clue what is going on at all
Fraser – sneaking back with Essex’s flatmate for a C H O P
Fraser – big dick
Night – at a close
See you – next week

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