Bus – actually on time
The end – clearly nigh af
Exec meeting – back on schedule after last weeks disaster
Exec – patiently waiting outside of the room before Sash storms in and tells the people there to GTFO
Parth – notices a peng seminar tutor walk out of the room
Parth – “CHOP”
Sash – finally securing the room is mistaken by Rory to be a tutor
A signal – that shows Sash is smashing Movember
Meeting – met
T bar – slowly filling up
Matt Alexander – Return of the Jedi
Pool duel – Essex vs Jabzy
Jabzy – keen to get a W after last weeks defeat
Essex – well and truly dismissed
Joe – coming in clutch with a gamble pot promising to be epic
Sash – ready to get splattered after finishing an essay on time for circle
Sash – now probably shitting rusty water after having 4 red bulls
CR2 toilets – rest in peace
SJ – doing what Shiv can’t and providing a charity pot
Charity pot – guaranteeing oversesh for the night
Pool duel 2 – Krish vs Parth

Duel – attracting a large number of spectators as it gets onto the last few balls
Parth – winning for the first time in his life
Tables – Bird and Jabzy confidently tag teaming it
F-dog – was meant to come but was having a large poo in the cubicle
Who let F-dog out – poo, poo poo, poo
Bird and Jabzy – setting up circle with ease as tables are already set out
Pints – secured and tasting like a lovers touch
Gentlemen – not very gentle
Woos – actually stopping after countdown
Cries of Shamsi – still ongoing
Eitan – jeans
Rudi and Ben – jumpers
Bird – much to the joy of the rest of the circle has to wack for his blazer
Muppet of the week – Amogh doing his best to get it next week by not bringing the dress
Fresher Harry – Goalkeeper for the opposition against UWMCC, made good saves and accused Charlie of diving

1st Session

Gamble (Sash) – No Nut November
Sash – must mix in oat milk and purple into a pitcher and eat it
Joe – allowing some time for the milk to curdle
Sash – doing a job on the magic potion and throwing the pitcher cup into the bin
Sash – also in serious danger of an early chunder
Joe – desperately wanting it back
SJ – really quite keen on the idea of oat milk and purple
NJ – demanding his fellow KBB gets to try some
Jabzy – would happily do so if Sash hadn’t just fucking drunk it all
New Game – 20+1
Fresher cumshot – found out early
New rule – every 3 numbers said skips 2 instead of 1
SBS – like the rule and show some respect (for once)
Numbers – rattled out as the fresh are finally getting the hang of it
Until – Fresher Harry is stitched
New rule – Table Wacking
Fresher cumshot – overjoyed at first but then realises its wacking and not wanking
SBS – delighted with the new rule
Fresher Eitan – really no clue
Essex – in the move of the century decides to go 18,19 instead of the skip 2 which would have sent it to another table
Ridge – fucking fuming
Joe – head in hands
New rule – Aladeen replaces all of the even numbers
Freshers – baffled by the random rule
Freshers – stupid
SJ – now reaching peak nonce with his Mo
SJ – needs a DBS check ASAP
Fresher Eitan – within striking distance of him
Gamble (Owen) – Left Right Magic Roundabout
Owen – clearly not deterred by his lager session
Parth – put in your notes that Sash is a cunt
Jabzy – that’s just shit chat I’d never use that in my mupdates, it is just a cheap laugh
Sash – is a cunt
Sash and Rav – prepare their pints for the spin
Tune – Right round
Essex – clearly not planning on using his voice the rest of the week gives it his all
Owen – linking up with them gets a good speed going
Rav – nails his pint with speed
Sash – looking like a beta male takes forever
Oat milk – was actually spunk from Fresher cumshot
New game – Tinder
NJ and his whole table – looking right
Clear – collusion
Jabzy – demanding they all take the L
NJ – just a sesh gremlin really
NJ – enjoys his punishment
Freshers – actually looking straight ahead have no idea of the rules
Drink – this is how you learn
Owen – calling out F-dog on the second superlike round
F-dog – really not someone to back down from a challenge
Owen’s rules – listed in tune
Dua Lipa – jealous of the creativity of the club’s lyrics
Fresher Archie – not keen to be under Owen
CalGal – exactly the opposite
Gamble (SJ) – Strip tease wack
SJ – must give the circle a strip tease whilst wacking
In addition – every item of clothing removed is one nomination
SJ – realises why he never gambles
CalGal – getting his camera ready
NJ and Parth – filming it for other purposes
SJ – does a sexy job and gets down to his boxers
International Cock or Ball – a possibility
Jabzy – not keen to get banned from the SU already, prevents it
ICOB – will happen
SJ – nominates 7
Krish – 3
Joe – 3
SJ – ruining them for putting in such a gamble
Rav – nominated 1 just because
Krish – trying to cheat only drinks 2 and sits down
Krish – exposed for his shithousery
New game – Kraus’ Cricket
Rudi – definitely cheating
Kraus’ Cricket – A SILENT GAME
42 – 6
Leads to – 76 all out
Essex – disgusted at the fresh
Fresh – probably disgusted by Essex at this point
Owen – practising his late cut
Parth – managing to fuck up 60
Parth – already smashed
Gamble (Archie) – Fresher 1 minute challenge
Gamble – delayed until second session with not much time left in the round
New game – Heads/Tails
50p – scraped out of Jabzy’s wallet
Jabzy – using his life savings
Tails – pulled out in the first two rounds as many a clubman is made to wack
NJ – demanding to see the coin to check if it is regulation
Jabzy – swaps his tails only coin for a regulation one last minute with excellent sleight of hand and then tricks NJ
Owen – calling for everyone to go heads
SJ and Rudi – only guys not obliging
SJ and Rudi – notorious tosspots
Both – called out by Joe
Sod’s law – Tails
Tosspot – W


Rav – hyped as Steelbanglez has mentioned him in his story
Steelbanglez – probably calling him out for flaking club socials
Most at circle – don’t realise the significance of the mention as they have no clue who he is
Banglez of steel – has produced some bangers in his time

2nd Session

Charity pot – acquired
Floor – open
Shots – fired
Fresher Harry – using most of his money early
Stupid – fresh
Rudi – doing the same
Fresher Laurie – goes for Sharquiss immediately
Sharquiss – sending 3 right back at him
Senior lads – reserving their dollar for the final round
Parth – receiving four very quickly
Fresher Harry – also cops 4 quickly
Fresher Cumshot – nominated a facial wack by Ridge
Fresher Cumshot – sending one right back at him
Fresher Archie – sent approximately one million pints
F-dog – getting his fair share of 3
Ben – on the wrong end of loads of nominations
Final round – where to start?
Jabzy – unsure
Circle – resembling take me out as no one wants to start
Parth – the man chosen
Parth – cancels two but still has to drink 4
NJ – cancels two and sends a couple to the Fresh
SJ – salty that he is near the start
SJ – putting up no defence
Strategy – bold
MT – wanting to kill Fresher Harry sends him more
Bird – trying desperately to shove his fiver into the pot
Eventually – succeeds and blocks a couple
Bird – known for his blocking
Carnage – ensues
Pints – wacked
Circle – very very messy
Mould on Jabzy’s shoes – ready to grow exponentially as he splashes through the middle
Jabzy’s housemates – already pissed off with the mouldy shoe smell in the hallway from previous weeks
Charity (Movember) – donated to
Moving – on
Supergamble (Fresher Archie) – The Debate
Joe – unhappy with a two-time gambler
Stop – when the fun stops
Fresher Archie – may nominate two people to go pint for pint until there is a loser
Fresher Archie – obviously hating circle so far nominates Jabzy and then Owen
Pint for pint – really not welcome following charity pot
Full – pints
Owen – lines up two
Jabzy – thanks to Krish now has 3 cold fizzy pints at his disposal
Jabzy – with no time to mix accepts it will damage him
Owen – smashes one
Jabzy – slowly gets rid of one
Owen – smashes his second and stops it there
Jabzy – with ten seconds to spare desperately wants the W and wacks his 3rd
Jabzy – completely disregarding welfare
Owen – made the smart decision
3 full pints – like 3 fingers is enough for anyone
Anyone – except CalGal
Jabzy – rushes off to the toilets and taps Joe into the circle
Joe – does his own Gentlemen and gets everyone riled up again
Jabzy – chucking up his guts
Violent – af
New game – Danny Williams PL Darts
Oversesh – already there
Joe – starting with the Fresh vs CalGal’s team
CalGal – pulls his team together to secure a 9-5 win with a 180
Duel – SBS + Bird and Owen vs Parth, NJ, SJ, Rudi, Fresher Archie, Eitan, F-dog and Ben
7 vs 7
SBS – keen not to lose their 100% record
Darts – ending up 3-3 with SBS securing speed
1 minute – begins
Cups – launched from everywhere
Jabzy’s drunk mind – finding it hard to keep up
SBS – getting chased fast
NJ’s team – nailing a lot of throws
Suspect – to the line wacking
Something – to be reviewed in future
Final score – 16-14
SBS – fuming
All – giving loads of lip to Jabzy
Joe – branching off from the Shit Bloke Society forms an alternative Sulking Bitch Society
Rav – releasing his inner football hooligan
SJ – attempting the take the L dance falls of his chair injuring his ankle for the week
Rav – giving him the appropriate chat as always
Welfare – issue


Sharquiss – watching the test match
Sharquiss – “Sibley has a test match strike rate of 400!”
Jabzy – going over to make fun of lacrosse
Most of circle – decimated
Fresher Harry – may be dead
Fresher Harry – his body is walking around but he has lifeless eyes
MT – successful in killing him

3rd Session

Gamble (Rudi) – Me and Sash Belly Button Mixer
Sash – stumbles off to get a vodka coke
Rudi – prepares his belly button for the feast
New game – Trivia Away/Away
Fresher Eitan’s table – Which is the least populated state in the US?
Ivan and Eitan – completely nailing it
Parth – baffled at their supreme knowledge
Pints – sent SBS’s direction and MT’s table
Fresher Archie’s table – Which African country used to be called Abyssinia?
Fresher Archie – somehow comes out with Ethiopia as a blind guess
Jabzy – startled that they have actually guessed it
Their table – equally startled fires pints at Parth’s table and Fresher Harry’s
SBS – What gas is formed when a hydrogen bomb detonates?
Rudi’s table – What state is Death Valley in?
Rudi’s answer – Nevada
Correct answer – California
Drink – up
MT’s table – Where in the human body would you find the medulla oblongata?
Answer – the foot or some other wrong answer
Reality – the brain
Gamble (NJ) – Double Shoe Boat
Jabzy – unsure of meaning
NJ – thinks he knows
NJ – confirms with Joe
NJ – can pick someone with the same shoe colour as him (brown) and two to race against them wearing different colour shoes
NJ – picks Sash
Sash – having to do another sighs
Krish and Rav – picked as the opposition
Rav – abstains from drinking as Sash clearly cheats
Jabzy – keen to move on with circle allows the cheat and carries on
Rav – taking it on the chin
Fresher cumshot – also takes it on the chin daily
Microcircle – full of the usual twats
Parth – being especially aggro
Eitan – somehow still there
Parth – contests that he has two wacks is exposed by a gentle pour
Jabzy’s housemate– interrupts micro and asks for a drink
Ridge – following procedure tells him to fuck off
Jabzy’s housemate – wants to fight him
Jabzy – tells him to fuck off
Fresher Laurie vs Sash – For Micro champ
Fresher Laurie – goes 17 18 19, and then bangs out the 20
Sash – losing to a fresh
Hu – miliation


Parth – an angry man
Rudi – singing his heart out
Fresher Archie – unequalled in volume
Sash – always gets words wrong
Backstreet Boys – never want to hear you say
Robbie Williams – sits and waits
Jerusalem – probably not builded here


Joe – giving tutorials to Jabzy’s girlfriend on how to strawpedo
Mr – steal your girl
Joe – bringing his own plastic straws clearly disregards turtle welfare
Turtles – to be fair clearly love them as they always eat them
Fresher Archie – on usual chirpse
Joe – stealing a xmas hat with cover provided by Jabzy
CMD dance moves – practised
Fresher Eitan – seen falling around the place
F-dog – apparently up to his usual antics and trying to start fights on the bus
Essex – shouting fuck off at MT’s ex

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