Stagecoach – shining again
U2 – Umustbejoking
Jabzy and Rory – in serious danger of being late to the exec meeting
Exec circle – already set out to be heavy af
Bumble merch – secured
Merch – hats, fans, coasters and bandanas
Jabzy – securing the sole yellow hat as an attention seeker
Weather – now dropping down to -64 degrees celsius
Balls – frostbitten
Finally – after a 35 minute wait 3 U2s show up
Drivers – still presumably nonces
Exec meeting – finally joined by Rory and Jabzy 20 minutes late
Sohayl – tearing through two bags of crisps
Dorito – chilli heatwave
Sensations – sweet chilli
Both – excellent choices
MT – the other side of the room fearing the mild heat of the snacks
Nathan – actually turning up in circling gear
Owen – desperately trying to secure a bumble fan
Fan – will no doubt come in useful with all the sweat accumulation at front left
MT – also a bumble fan
Hats – in high demand especially in navy blue
Some clubmen – “these make us look like virgins”
Reality – you already do
And – you probably are
F-dog – representing bumble well and enjoying his cap
F-dog – a truly good bloke
Jinesh and Om – hesitant about the hats but will settle for a bandana
Ridge – leading the gamble pot and bringing back some old school gambles
Ridge’s bro – tagging along for the carnage later on
MT – doing his job well and getting some photos for the gram
MT – always bullied at exec meetings
75% of the bullying – deserved
Essex – holding his very own trivia
Question – “Name the 10 (non english) premier league players to have scored 100 goals?”
Nine – named
Tenth – a dutch winger?
Dirk Kuyt – wrong
Van Nistelrooy – wrong (99)
Hint – Leeds and Chelsea
Charlie Sloth’s sibling – Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
Nailed – it
Bird – taking a reading week from tables
Owen – brought in as a bin specialist
Owen – “I’ve got Mark in my back pocket”
Mark – probably could fit into Owen’s back pocket
Owen’s back pocket – possibly containing the pints he hid last week
Tables – already set out beautifully
MT, F-dog, Essex and Jabzy – easiest tables ever
Seats – aplenty
SU steward – ‘Do you normally have four social secs?’
Pints – secured
Purple – back to its normal taste
Owen – showing why he is the best bin specialist in the business
Owen – Bin laden
Bables – Tanged
Mentle – gen
Just – exceptional
Bumble merch – visible all around circle
Jabzy – keeping consistent with his mouldy shoes
Parth – trying to infiltrate the SBS as best as possible
Breaking into the SBS – not easy
Qualifications – must start fights, shit pants and have a terrible haircut
Amogh – coming to circle with a horrendous lid
Flex barbers – now hiring the blind
Sash – caught wooing late.
Doubles – to not my president
Sash – president of fight club
Muppet dress – back in the middle of circle
Pitkin – nominated for chundering in an uber into his hands and then attempting to throw it out the window but splashing Om with most of it
Amogh – nominated for his despicable hair
Flex – also now using children’s safety scissors
Owen – nominated for losing the trials sheets
Essex – not being able to remember the names of members he had met multiple times before
Nathan – nominated for pissing behind the stage last week
Nathan, Pitkin and of course Amogh – placed into a 3 way wack off
Its not gay – when its in a 3 way
Pitkin – sent packing
Size 24 dress – looking like a birdman suit on Pitkin’s slim frame
1st Session
Gamble (Fresher Harry) – Bumble Merch Chains
Bandanas – chained together for first session
9 – people
Sesh – inbound
Hats – chained together for whole night
Hats – The Jacobs and Jabzy disappointed with their decision to wear a hat
NJ and SJ – doing the smart thing and quickly removing their merch (unknown until later on)
New Game – 20+1
Standard – choice
Jabzy – weary of breaking tradition
SBS – hogging all the numbers
Parth – not keen for table wacking
New rule – Numbers 1-10 reversed
Clarification – needed
Chains – wrecking people at the first game
Fresher Archie – regretting the bandana already through a quick 3 pints
Bird – one of the only few who can cope with the complexity of the new rule
Ridge – also feeling the detrimental effects of the chain
New Rule – SBS introduce Dulleh as every number after 1-10 reversed
Freshers – obviously have no clue wtf is going on
Parth – so desperate to be in the SBS
Parth – trying to prove how much of a shit bloke he is by getting his phone out early doors
Parth – double pls
Gamble (Ben Ridge) – Fresh 1 Min Challenge
Target – 11
Fresh – looking very weak as they all made the rookie mistake of wearing a bandana
Fresher Laurie – really struggling
Freshen Up – For the Punani
Freshers – managing to get 6
Cups – thrown
Learning – needed
New Game – ICICN
First Round – Members who are definitely on Bumble
Pitkin – must name 26
Names Viraj – who has a girlfriend
Tbf – the man looks shifty
Pitkin – wacko
Second Round – PGA Tour player
Dustin Hoffman – a rogue mention from F-Dog who must name 16
Dustin Hoffman – great at Blackjack, weak short game
F-dog – starting very well hits a brick wall
Who – Let F-dog out?
Third Round – Clubmen with worse trims than Amogh
Answer – 0
Claimed – straight away
Amogh – now covering his hair desperately
Solution – buzz cut
Third Round – Clubmen who have had their girlfriend chopped by Muncy
MT – ffs
Many – probably thinking their safe but Muncy is sneaky in his work
Claim – on 14
Bird – named
MT – named
Cheers – erupt
Tears – build up
Fourth Round – Countries ending in Stan
Rogue – choice
Nikhil – claimed
Names – 8
W – ack
Who wants to – wack
Chains – alive
Sam Holmes and Viraj – an absolute state due to the bandanas
Both – not even doing that badly in the games
Eating at Warwick – frequently used
Gamble (Fearless clubman) – Michael Trimaston
Trimaston – Everyone with a haircut from the last week must wack
Chains – still so beautifully alive
NJ – having the most fresh trim in the club
Skin – fade
NJ – must really be feeling the cold with that close of a cut
New Game – Randall Splat
Splat – to route out the weak in the circle
Jabzy – getting all the fresh involved early as possible
Sharquiss – doing his normal weird wacking
Eyes – wide open
Body – moving strangely
Purple – going down slow
Ben Ridge – sending him and keeping the honour associated with his second name
RECESS
Jabzy – sneakily tries to get Joe a VK he owes him
VK – placed in pocket
Everyone – none the wiser
SBS – watching the Arsenal vs Liverpool which was 5-4 at the time
An Unbelievable game
Jabzy – leans over the table to see the score
VK – pours out of his blazer pocket
Everyone – VK in circle!
Joe – exposed af
Jabzy – guilty af
VK – all over the table af
Viraj – chundering 4 times after first session
Jabzy – proud of his work
Archie – broken
2nd Session
Gentlemen – called
Screams – screamed
Woos – allowed for an extended period of time
Supergamble (Fresher Harry) – Chernobyl
Chernobyl – the three either side of him must wack 3,2 and 1
Carnage – ensues
Nathan – seriously not impressed
Harry’s whole table – now filling up the toilets with sweet sweet chun
Sweet sweet chun – what makes circling so fun
New Game – PL Darts
Joe’s table – WE NEVER LOSE
Joe’s table – big chat but manage to back it by spunking all over the Ridges team
Jabzy – joining Bird’s team and finally winning a match he is in
Viraj’s table – a sore sight
Bin – well and truly back in circle
Jabzy – now too sent to run circle properly
Nathan – has no clue how to play darts
Nathan – starts before the person before him finishes
Gamble (Fresher Archie) – Nominate One Minute Challenge Squared
Fresher Archie – not on his best form after a very heavy start to the circle
Fresher Archie – gets to two
Then – off to the toilet
Joe – does one for him to up the nominations to nine
Fresher Archie – disappears seemingly
Nominations – either done quietly or not done at all
New game – Kraus’ Cricket
The ball – swinging early but played with late hands by UWMCC openers
The pitch – doing bits as a few wickets begin to fall
36 – catching two people out
54 – 6
Tail – put on a valuable 42 to reach a total of 96
Dou – ble
Gamble – A real myth
New game – Trivia Away/Away
Jabzy – cba to gather up some home questions
Pitkin and his table – recognises Lady Gaga’s real name
Pitkin – obviously has poker face on repeat all the time
Viraj’s table – Where is Bramber Castle?
Answer – wrong
Sam Holmes – distraught he has to drink twice more
Bird’s table – asked who was the eldest Marx brother?
Bird – not a commie
Real answer – Leonard AKA Chico
Sharquiss – calls Jabzy a cunt
Wrong – move
Sharquiss – told to fuck off and given another pint to have
Parth and SBS – What is the highest waterfall in the world?
SBS – Victoria Falls
Answer – Angel Falls
Jono’s and the now chained Ben H – When did Henry VIII first take the throne?
Answer – 1516
Real Answer – 1509
Jabzy – a historian, sighs
Ridges – asked what year Bumble was started?
Answer – 2012
Real Answer – 2014
Amogh – still having a shit haircut
Awful – just awful
Jinesh’s table – What type of animal is a kolinsky?
Real answer – weasel
Sharquiss – a known kolinsky
A lot – of away questions answered correctly
Oversesh – achieved ages ago
RECESS
Shit blokes – all around
Randall – looking forward to his big 24th bday
Cricket – the only club not in Halloween costumes
Still – some scary looking blokes
Toilets – packed with sesh
Pitkin – carefully planning his microcircle win
Essex – still miserable he missed out on a consecutive dress
Jabzy – has in his notes that Ivan ate a midget gem which had been in CR2 for a week
Ivan – obviously running out of overdraft
Amogh – also apparently a cunt
3rd Session
Gamble (F-dog) – Joe’s Bday Quad Vod
F-dog – finally winning a gamble after many failed attempts
Joe – mortified by the idea of a quad vod
Joe – “You can’t do that”
Jabzy – “Yes I can”
New Game – One Fat Frog
Sam Holmes – no clue
Just – chatting away
Viraj – looking half the man he was before
Nathan – still has no clue wtf is going on
Freshers – no bloody clue by this point
Clubmen – need a bit of passion
Parth – still going along with his shit chat of miming his answer
Parth – morphing into the nonce he once swore to destroy
Parth is a nonce – bellowed out by others, especially SJ
Gamble – unknown as hat chain killed the last two brain cells of Jabzy
Would Still – get a 2:1 in history
New Game – Speed 20+1
Sesh – reaching its peak
Pitkin – obviously still around with about 4 pints remaining
Jabzy – carefully pouring to see whether clubmen have one pint or more
Wack and leave – quickly introduced
Speed 20+1 – boring Jabzy and also not getting rid of people quick enough
One Fat Frog – bought back in
Wacks – and leaves
OFF – dismissing clubmen rapidly
Last two – Ridge and Pitkin
Ridge – destroying Pitkin for his first microcircle win
Pitkin – now just a loser in a dress
Clubmen – rush down for microcircle with Jabzy late behind
MICROCIRCLE
Songs – banged out very quickly
Owen – still getting Angels wrong
Joe – stepping in as per usual to keep order within the club
Club – in serious danger next year
Fresher Archie – belting out Angels with an obvious emotional connection to the song
Amogh – crying in the corner pulling his hair out
Yet again – bows of burning gold on display
Off – to pop
POP!
F-dog – flooded with female attention as he just tries to take a selfie
F-dog – yeeting these groupies away quickly
Price – Less
F-dog – known for his skill in combat
Jabzy – left early
Joe and Parth – clawing him back in rouge bar
Jabzy – as a shit social sec does leaves too early and loses all honour
Front Left – secured swiftly by a bunch of handsome cricketers
Rory, Sash and Joe – stealing hats for fun
Neon bar crawl the following night – now will feature bumble props
MT’s flame – trying to chat to every clubman about MT in rouge
Stroker – Stroking
F-dog and Ben H – pulling off a legendary move
Mixed Netball – beefed
F-dog and Ben H – when asked their names cleverly saying Kevin Shah and Marcus Foux who apparently need more punishment in circle
Mixed Netball bloke – messages Rory all the details and tries to make fun of the club
Mixed Netball – like a kolinsky belong to the weasel family
Mixed Netball – just really shit
Ben H and F-dog – now club legends
Mixed Netball – also ask for a skills swap
If – being shit at every other sport is a skill then we are all for it
POP – smashed out
Clubmen – home safe
Next Week – bring it on