“who’s ordered 40 wings??”
Murphy – raises hand
Inaugural UWMCC Chicken Wing Sesh – in progress
Wings Wednesday – 25p per chicken wing at the Clarendon
PCP – redefined
Pre Circle Poulet – now a thing
Clubmen – ordering wings in multiples of 20
Attendance – 31
Thoughts – with Captain Bozza who was in solitary confinement in the Duck sinking his Chicken Inferno
Egos – on the line
Tasty – claiming he will send at least 60 wings
Chat – uncontested as Big Tasty has now become Big Toastie
Big Toastie – off to a strong start
Competition – Murphy, Fresher Owen, Roachy, Ferdi and Timmo
Veggies Louie and Mihir – taking on a veggie platter
Wings – going down well
Calculations – how many chickens are we killing for our PCP
Competition – fading away
Timmo and Turner – ordering a fuck off milkshake in an attempt to line their stomachs for the incoming sesh
Murphy – out on his own, up to the 66 mark with a rogue order of 16 wings
Crowd – cheering on their fellow clubman to set a benchmark for future sessions
Murphy – unused to people cheering him on, going up to order more
Crowd – expecting 20 more
Waiter – “3 wings?”
Disappointment – spreading
Murphy – “I want the benchmark to be 69”
Murphy – unbearable
Man vs Wings – a real struggle for Murphy as he creeps towards his target
Murphy – scraping over the line but at the expense of his circle
69 – the target to beat
Men – heading to the bus stop
Big Toastie – His pits are sweaty, knees week, darb is heavy
Choppy – trying to sneak onto the bus without paying
Choppy – failing despite using multiple clubmen as blockers
PCM (pre circle megamix) – temptation resisted as 30 clubmen travel into campus
Chat – turns into labelling one of Randall’s flatmates ‘The Virgin of the North’
Turner – practicing his chat up lines
Turner – “well let’s break you in then”
Locals on the bus – swiftly migrating downstairs
The real PCP – please stand up
Fresh – already there occupying many tables in and around T-Bar
Fresh – learning quickly
Larkins – returning
Men – over the moon
Gamble pot – dangerous with communal pot this week
Turner – selected as table bitch due to long arms and ability to slide into dm’s at free will
CR2 – fairly empty with many clubs in adoptions season
Circle – large
Bin – absent
Randall – scouring the entirety of the SU for a bin with many barmen and barbints being incredibly unhelpful
UWMCC – arriving to a gun circle but noticing the lack of bin and social sec
Ping Pong ball – stolen from downstairs and purplepong starting
Choppy – sent with a ping pong ball
Choppy – Pre wack
Randall – returning with nothing but a cardboard box in hand
Binless circle – commencing
GENTLEMENNNNN!!!!! – gun with lack of other clubs and muppet security telling us to be quiet
Muppet of the Week Nominations – a plethora
Turner – Trials whoppery. After giving Fresher Kieran Patel chat for not doing anything with the ball, (after fresher Kieran has made the BUCS indoor team as a bowler…) Kieran runs in a little harder and comprehensively cleans up Turner not once, but twice. Friendlies.
Rajakanthan – nominated for just being Raj. Poor Fresher Ivan was given a shot of Raja’s piss in mystery shot after strict instruction from the exec not to ‘be like rugby’. Also nominated for wacking with his nob out in week 2. What cant this man do?
Fresher Rory – the first fresh nomination of the year. In the UWMCC vs UWWCC Cov indoor game, fresher Rory only managed to score 1 off the last over of the innings of what can only be described as bint like bowling. Not content with that shit, Rory then proceeds to bowl an over that went for 23 against a batsman that doesn’t need to wear a box.
Fresher Harry – nominated for throwing up on stagecoach’s finest U1 model. Fresher Harry had a heavy club meal and after raising a few eyebrows with an extra pint of eliminator at Kelsey’s, Fresher Harry crawled to the bus stop. Looking worse for wear as he made his way up to the top deck, Fresher Harry looked slightly disconcerted at the sight of a special brew making its way to him and reacted by standing up and chunning out of the gap in the window. Smooth.
Fresher Amogog – The best till last. After dissing Tasty et al. on the table of looseness, Fresher Amogog was invited back to the table for an extra side of sending (2 bottles of wine to be precise) and much like Liverpool’s weekend, ended up in a state of complete disarray. Much like Turner at the front of pop, Fresher Amogog then decided to grope Five Rivers only this time the ‘rape alarm’ went off and the police turned up. Due to his chundery state, the police refused to touch Fresher Amogog and just palmed him off to the paramedics who, after a quick assessment, decided that he had pissed himself. After some time passes and he is seen to by various nurses specialising in oversesh, Fresher Amogog then was seen running around in his CK briefs asking staff why the music had turned off and which way to rouge bar. I remember my first club meal.
Wack off – the only way to decide between Freshers Harry, Amogog and Rajakanthan
Speed – any of?
Fresher Harry – winning the bronze medal and consequently the dress
The dress – really stretched at the seams after Owen’s week
New Game – 20+1
Gamble (Ballo) – Straight Arm Wack
STA – does what it says on the tin
Shirt – off
Rig – peng
Arm – straight
Purple – everywhere
Ballo’s Shirt – stolen
Ballo – eyeing up a long half naked circle
20+1 – UWMCC flying through the first round and resisting the dreaded table wack as the new rule
Rule – 11-20 reversed
Aneesh – gets it wrong immediately with 1, 4
Members – creasing
Aneesh – has been told the wrong rules by Nick Hill
Aneesh – see ya
Fresher Kieran – “To my left I propose a game o…”
Randall – “NO FUCK SAKE”
Fat Matt – head in hands
Fresher Kieran – learn the rules
UWMCC – finding their way through a rocky patch and producing the goods
Rule – multiples of 5 are old boys in preparation for next week
Lewis – returning to circle wearing Ballo’s shirt
Son Jark – fucking up to the delight of circle
Fresh – can’t believe the vocal range of the club
20+1 – never reached again
Alex Walker – is he an old boy?
Answers – in comments please
Everyone – wacking for being shit
New Game – Three Man
Gamble (Bozza) – Social Sec Chain
SSC – stitching Randall, Tasty, Larkins and Curtis
3 man – a risky game for a chain with many fingers thrown toward the social secs
Merriman – spending a lot of time as threeman
Cheating – aplenty
Aneesh – stitched by picking up a stack of dice
Many – saw it coming a mile off
Dice – flying all over the place with Randall acting as ball boy in the middle
Threeman – actually fun, 8/10 would play again
New Game – face down eyes up
Gamble (Turner) – Fresh 1 Min Challenge (start of 2nd)
FDEU – eventful with many still aiming at the social secs
Social secs – in a world of trouble
Collusion – ofcourseyes
Super Like Round – uneventful first time round
2nd Super Like Round – Merriman stitched as per
Justice – none
Recess – needed
Fresher Northern Jono – telling a shit story about some boring shit
Fresher Northern Jono – essentially Fresher Rooty
Fresher Rooty – unbearable
Fresher Rooty – made to wack
Larks – integrating with fresh as if he was one
Fresh – wishing that Larks was still at uni
Bouncers – locking themselves out of CR2
Circle – a happier place
Fresher CSK – turning up now
Fresher CSK – Chennai Super King
CSK – doubling in recess

2nd Session – underway
GENTLEMEN! – looser than before with the many variations of BAH entering the carnage
Timmo – singing ‘yid army’ the whole way through after finding out that Spurs had gone 2-0 in the shitty cup
Timmo – wacking
Spurs – going on to lose 3-2. Lol.
Fresh 1 min Challenge – target set at 30 between 13
Fresh – a solid effort but falling 1 short
Randall – making the fresh make up the last pint
Fresher Kieran – taking one for the team
New Game – I Claim I Can Name
Randall – “Who wants a super gamble”
Nobody – going
Larks – goes for it
Larks – doesn’t realise it’s the suuuuupergamble
Fate – sealed
SuperGamble (Larks) – Iron Liver Challenge
ILC – essentially 5 pints in 2 mins
Larks – given some time to prepare
ICICN – Club Nicknames
Tasty – claimed on 17
Tasty – “Den”
Boz – “Denne was his surname…”
Tasty – “oh ok… Timmo?”
Circle – hell no
ICICN – Freshers that have circled or come to club meal in this academic year
Turner – nowhere near, despite more than enough fresh sat around circle
ICICN – clubmen to have chopped this year
The strategy – look for clubmen with girlfriends and secure gary networks
Bozza – grinning profusely
Timmo – grinning profusely
Ballo – the anti-chop
10 – achieved but at a push
Club – all virgins
ICICN – Pokemon
Circle – Sending it
Nick Hill – claim
Tasty – licking his lips
What happened next – exceptional
Tasty – reels off 57 pokemon without stopping, roughly in order of the original pokedex
Circle – losing it at Jigglypuff and Wigglytuff
Tasty – given 5 to nominate after exemplar performance
Roach – doubling
ICICN – Blonde Pornstars
Larkins – “do verified amateurs count?”
Lads – creasing
New Game – Premier League Darts
Gamble (Ferdi) – Rainbow Gamble Wack
Larkins – deciding that he was ready for his challenge
ILC – Larks starting strong with a couple sent quickly
Larks – now struggling but with plenty of time left
Classic Train and Motorbus – starting and helping Larks through his 3rd
Larks – calling for the bin
Bin – any?
Black Rubbish Bag – making do
Larks – bows his head
Deafening Cry – screeches across CR2
The Chunder Dragon – swooping through circle and gracing circle with its magical chicken-winged chunder
Larks – soldiering on and getting through his 4th but tapping out after his valiant effort
Randall – allowing Larkins to go and nominate his last pint
Larks – pointing at Randall… “Fuck you Randall”
Darts – starting
Stand in Cardboard Box – not really up to the test but fuck it why not
Standard – awful but blamed on the box
Ferdi – returning in between games
Chants – starting
Ferd – sees off rainbow wack with ruthless efficiency
Gamble – Slenderman challenge
RGW – brutal as Ferdi has to finish his first gamble before doubling again
Turner – generous with some loose pouring as Ferdi completes his nightmare gamble
Darts – continuing
Freshers – panicking and rushing their throws despite winning on speed
Freshers – don’t panic
Trouble at 9:45 – bar has closed
Randall – can’t even comprehend the whoppery
Barbints – closing the bar early in accordance with downstairs bars, kimming many circlers
Riot – starting
Circle – dysfunctional at this point without pints
Recess – forced
Raj – in protest, pissing on the stage in CR2
Mens Hockey Whopper – running to the toilet and projectile vomming ahead of himself
Whopper – slipping over in his own chunder to the amusement of all
Boz – being his reasonable welsh self and trying to negotiate with the barbints to open the bar back up
Choppy – taking a more aggressive approach
SU – literally fucking up every week this year
When will it end?
Bar – finally opening
Clumben – demanding sesh
Tasty – managing to get compensated with one pint
3rd Session – everyone raring to go with 20 minutes lost to incompetent little shits
Gentlemen – quick
Clubmen – really regretting the chicken wing session now with many now decreasing their wing count from earlier
Thoughts – with Murphy as he could not make it
RIP – rest in poultry
Gamble – the yay it’s the Freddie Larkins Powerplay
Will the real slim social sec – please stand up?
Circle – so much energy
Larkins – making his way into the middle, pint in hand
GENTLEMENNNNN! – best of the year
New Game – Roman Numerals, nobody caring that it’s so similar to 20+1
Larks – “who wants to send bobs and vagin?”
5 – arms in
The rest – made to wack for unwillingness to send nudes
Gamble (Lewis) – Shoe Wack
Lewis – gutted but obliging
Shoe – fucked
RN – eventful with X’s and I’s swapped
Fresher Rav – sending many X’s and I’s
Fresher Rav – probably too sober in hindsight
Larkins – “if you fuck up… I will fuck you up”
Harry Riley – fucking up
Everyone – wacking
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Gamble – Lewis going again
Gamble – Sing along wack
Lewis – asking the crowd what they want
Probably Fresher Rory – “the thing goes”
Dan – doesn’t know the words
Lewis – “Todaaaaaaaay is….”
Everyone – up and jumping on
Louie – doesn’t know the words to wonderwall
Louie – wtf cunt
RSB – many getting stitched
Larkins – listening like a hawk
Randall – catches fresher Marcin’s gaze
Fresher Marcin – defeated, a broken man
Fresher Marcin – has nothing left
Merriman – losing
Larkins – relinquishing his vice like grip on circle for one more game
Randall – back
Millman – throws a chair into circle
Randall – taking the Tasty approach and sending a pint over Millman
Control – lost
Many circlers – sent away
Micro Circle – beginning
New game – Speed Black Black White
Gamble (Roche) – speed Mexican wack off
Merriman – stitched from a mile off
BBW – starting
Fresh – no idea, cant crack the code in their sent state
Wack and leave – enforced
Roche and Randall – last two
Speed 20+1 – to find a winner
Randall – sending Roche and claiming victory
Downstairs – let’s go

Megamix – Mr Brightside offered as tribute by Disco Dave
Megamix – gun
Chicago – the return
Fresh – no idea whats happening
Turner – sending a gun Son Jark Manuel special
Barmy Army – increasingly dangerous
Fresher Owen – literally sprinting to front left to lock it down
Fresher Owen – well trained
Fresher Harry – not realising the dress but in full review and pursue mode of his lady friend from the weekends mixed circle
Turner – opting for more of a grope and hope technique
Randall – employing a defensive line of blockers to save him from a psycho who just won’t take no for an answer
Blockers – shit
Psycho – latches onto Randall
Randall – Sprints to the safety of Rouge bar
Ballo – stealing a rugby boys hat and immediately being swung for
Ballo – not content with his antics, decides to engage in a fierce debate about homosexuality with a bunch of footballers
Footballers – unsurprisingly pro-gay
Ballo – initially anti-gay
Dr Pastor Martin Ssempa – proud of his teachings
Ballo – realising that he was outnumbered, decides to try and get off with said football lads in a complete u-turn of sexuality
Ballo – deviant
Football – angry
Merriman – notifying Disco Dave that the big Jon Hall will be returning next week
Disco Dave – seen in Rootes Groceries buying plenty of anal lube for the following week
Long Jon – longer?
Kinners – seen running the health and welfare stand
Roche – in a fit of rage, remembers that there is still no Yorkshire pudding on the menu at the duck
Roche – attempts a drive by shooting of the current DDO Magic Mike
Headshot – half a pint of water covering the welfare stand
Fresher Rory – grafting hard with a girl
Fresher not northern Jono – “where does she live”
Fresher Rory – “Westwood”
Fresher not northern Jono – “nah sack it mate”
Curtis – trying to convince Fresher Rooty that it’s not cheating if you don’t cum
Curtis – a fountain of knowledge
Roachy – somehow finding string and starting to wrap people up at the bus stop in some big fishing exercise
The darb – needs feeding
Timmo – chirpsing the infamous Coopers chop from last year
Timmo – not single
Coopers Chop – willing as ever
Tasty & Randall – basically saving the womens hockey social sec from being raped by some lurker in north leam
Pedo – get fucked
The vigilante duo – inviting the social sec back to Randall’s for some vino
Vino – not needed at all
Fresher Rory – seen walking to Westwood…
Inter Club Relations – back on the mend
Sesh – back on the mind
Wings – back on the menu

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