5:53pm. The U1 pulls gently into the bus stop as mizzle falls lightly on a sombre late-evening day. A breathless Hall and Kraus arrive just in time. Hammond comments on the lovely moon, and the bus goers appreciate its aesthetic qualities. All is calm on the seshtern front.
Cooper – wanting to get absolutely plastered
Full moons – apparently affecting the purple tides as well
Research – required
Larkins – agreeing to go pumpkin carving with a female, sacking it to make PCP in time
Pumpkin carving – not an advisable means of chirpsing
Hammond – not needing much encouragement to circle, gear in his bag
Boeen – revealing he had a score to settle with Chattle after being kimmed by the latter in a game of ring of fire during Kasbah pres. The Dragon does not forget.
Livesey – also on the bus, heading to a high intensity spin and core class
Darbs on the bus – feeling slightly more prominent, none of the fitness
Bexson and J$ – in charge of the gamble pot
PCP – many heading to the sports centre to watch Clayden play squash, unfortunately losing against a strong Oxford opponent
Gamble pot – all sorts going in, some highlights later to come
Costies burgers – aplenty
Kraus – expert knowledge on pasties, explaining that they are shaped as they are due to miners requiring food that they could handle with dirty fingers (they would throw away the edge and eat the main bit of it)
Degrees – who needs ‘em
Stilo – volunteering to help Larkins set up, such a bloke
Security – useless as ever, not letting the social secs up until 8pm, which incidentally is when everyone else goes up
SU incompetence jokes – at this point flogging a dead horse
Lacrosse social sec – such a jouster, sarcastically to Larkins: ‘instead of rushing upstairs why don’t we all go up nice and slowly, and we can work it out when we’re up there’. Mate, you’re wearing a fake moustache and a coat that sex offenders wear to flash people, and your sport is basically glorified running into people at a moderate velocity. Geeeeet fucked… Larkins thought to himself. Manners maketh the man, after all – Larkins at least managed to smile back.
Upstairs Copper Rooms – pretty empty for the second week in a row, hockey doing their adoptions
Tables – plentiful
MOTW – rumours of a lack of loose behaviour in the week, in actuality some very entertaining stories coming to light. Kimmerston: nominated by Reynard for behaviour in Switch the previous Friday. Larkins arriving back to Leamington after Kasbah and ringing Kimmer who was in Switch to come out and see if he could get Larkins in. Kimmerston managing to convince the bouncer that Larkins was his boyfriend, to which the bouncer gleefully remarked, ‘go in there and bum the fuck out of eachother!’ Cooper nominated for pulling a Wendy whale in Pop! the previous week. In a situation unfamiliar to the bishop, being sacked off by the girl… only to receive a Facebook message the following morning apologising for the sack, pining for dat bishop stank. Sober, Cooper realises Wendy is not the looker and promptly deletes her as a friend. Later in the week going to the Duck for a pint, finding himself sat on a table right next to Wendy and friends – receiving chat about low standards in definite earshot of Wendy… it’s a small world we live in. Larkins, nominated for losing his bus pass in Kasbah, purchasing a new one, losing that (only for it to be found almost immediately), and then losing it again on the same day, causing him to have to grope around campus in the dark trying to locate it. All’s well that ends well, found the following morning by the Humanities porters. Wack off ensuing, absolute scenes as the experienced seshman Cooper lost, Larkins however forgetting the dress in his room so having to wack again.
Circle – getting going with Darts, tungsten trouble in CR2
Gamble – Howard getting involved with lightning reflexes, only to pull out the straight arm wack. Shirt off, UWMCC tie emblazoned across his chest, Howards pours the purple all over himself, a fantastic effort it must be said. His shirt, meanwhile, mysteriously goes missing – resulting in Howard having to do the whole first session topless.
Pongo in the Congo – making a long overdue appearance
Darts: one epic match, a six on six darting dog fight featuring Kraus, Mike Radley, Farid (making his first appearance this term to the jubilation of many a circler), Gujar, Ferdi and J$ versus Clobber, Cooper, Teds, Boeen and Goodyear. Each team slamming in five cups; the former winning on speed. Both teams also had 180s, but agreed to cancel eachothers’ out after repeated threats of further wacking. Other matches included Adit, Yeti and Hammond vs Larkins, Howard and Reynard (Yeti’s lot winning on speed). Kynaston, Fresher Alex, Dhruv and Stilo vs Hall, Chattle, Inth and ? … my memory fails me on who won.
New game – cricket
Gamble – you can’t script this stuff… Kynaston himself pulling out Dinner for Kimmers (Michael Dinnerston) – the initial idea of the gamble (a Bexson/J$ invention) was for Kimmerston to go to costies and purchase himself an evening meal. However, the ever resourceful Yeti had somehow found a rogue banana in the Copper rooms, thus Kimmer’s job was to eat/drink a purple banana smoothie, which to the entertainment of circle, was completed admirably quickly.
Cricket – standard gash from UWMCC, stuttering to 73 all out, sadly a par score for us these days
New brand – get fucked
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – Hall pulling out the ladyboy chaser: lager, absolut (lack of Bailey’s) and a G&T… sending all three then vomming ‘expertly’ (as he later put it) back into a cup. Remarking how nice the vom smelt in the morning (literally who is this guy?)
DDM – Kraus picking Hall, once again Hall triumphing. On seeing Kraus choking on his pint Hall wacks again… and beats Kraus (still on his first). Furious in recess, ‘Hall saw me when I was down, and kicked me… what a shit cunt!’
Clobber – also vomming in a cup after a cheeky fresh one minute challenge, since when was this a thing, don’t we have toilets for this?!
Howard – picked to wack by Cooper, losing. The people incensed, cries of ‘Justice for Lippiatt’ ringing around the Copper Rooms – the vilified Cooper made to wack again by popular demand
#justiceforlippiatt – trending worldwide
Circle as a democratic institution – who knew?
New game – Who wants a trivia?
Gamble – Clayden pulling out ‘nominate a pint for item of clothing removed’… getting down to his boxers and having eight to nominate, doubles flying around circle
WWAT? – pretty standard, Stilo getting agonisingly close to the number of wickets Yasir Shah took in the game just finished (8) and Farido having numerous pints to nominate after naming how many instances 3 centuries had been scored in an ODI (2) and the teams involved.
New game – Roman Numerals
Gamble – wack for bus pass lost. Larkins absolutely kimmed by this one, tripling for three bus passes lost (any of some respite for recovering them!)
Larkins – vomming in the middle of circle
Kraus – taking over in Larkins’ vomsence
Circle – sent by this point, Roman Numerals very testing
Dan Lewis – the Welsh lightning throwing himself into a group of ladies hockey girls to steal a fedora, getting a faceful of purple (and a fedora) for his troubles
Gujar – an absolute spanner, ‘XX, XXI’ … The problem here being a fundamental misunderstanding of the premise of Roman Numerals
Adit – no offence buddy but you are plain gash at this game
Chattle – meanwhile being sent down the hole by Bexson
New game – ICICN
Gamble – famous Davids. A lengthy gamble but nonetheless ingenious – everyone stands up and has to name a famous David, if you can’t think of one wack and sit down. It goes round until the last man standing is UWMCC famous David champion – wack that on the CV.
Chattle – unable to name a David despite being fifth, ‘I only had David Seaman’. Wack
Highlights – David Cameron (only named after like 3 rounds of circle), Disco Dave, St. David, David Hussey… Bexson eventually crowned champion
ICICN – after tripling Larkins’ memory is seriously dodgy… ICICN pretty unremarkable
Recess (a very late one)
New game – One Fat Frog
Gamble – Yeti vs Moose wack off
Ferdi – having proclaimed himself the new Moose a few weeks back, big boots to fill. Yeti triumphing in the wack off; Rex beware of the return of the real Moose… winter is coming.
1FF – don’t think we made it past two, the purple mist well and truly having descended
Micro circle – a bit of speed 20+1 to cap things off
Megamix – rowdy, Everywhere We Go making an appearance
BD – turning up in Megamix, crowd sent into a frenzy
BD – coming to Pop! despite a) having left uni and b) nursing a broken foot … quite simply a giant of a man
Pop! – loose behaviour in abundance this week
Hammond, Hall and the fresh – trying for their lives to chirpse a blond girl, forming some sort of chirpse circle/trap (depending on which way you look at it)
Bexson – stealing a bucket hat and avoiding a punch ‘with a dodge worth of Muhammad Ali’
Hall – getting into a fight with some whopper (to be fair to the whopper Hall is also a massive whopper) as a result of Bexson’s initial hat theft, employing the Bradshaw eye gouge technique to incapacitate his foe
Clayds – lobbing his wiry frame into the mix, excellent reach and height advantage, susceptible to the leg sweep however due to his height
J$ – oblivious, in his own world, gliding across the dancefloor like a shopping trolley (I’ll admit I’m running out of ideas)
Cooper – his brain having gone into purple induced shutdown, the bishop now in full control of Cooper’s actions
The transformation – stark
Hall – warning nearby females to keep an eye peeled for a shit blond lid working its way around Pop!
Disco Dave – handing out chocolates at the front of Pop!
Bexson – sending chocolates
Inth – the last fresher standing, absolutely sending some bloke who attempted to enter the little circle of remaining cricketers
J$ – hilariously faceplanting after sprinting from humanities to the interchange in an attempt to catch the U1
Hockey shit cunt – choosing to sit at the back of the bus with the cricketers on the way back to Leam
Hockey SC – ‘do cricket even play BUCS?’
Hammond – launching into a tirade of abuse
Clayden – abusing him over his non-ironed shirt, ‘what’s your favourite element? It’s not iron I can tell you that’
HSC – angry at our shit chat
UWMCC – loving it
Cooper – ‘do you even play in Barbados?!’
Flames – host to post Pop! gathering
Week 4 – loose, roll on week 5