Silly point – The boys chatting rubbish to their millions of listeners
Team – strong
Owen – Charlie sloth’s younger better looking brother
MT – A face for radio
Nathan – clearly not doing his research
MT and Jabzy – the only guys who know anything about rugby
Rugby knowledge – still terrible
Owen – rinsing Trust Issues for now consecutive weeks
Topics – Hundred draft, India vs SA, Rugby WC and Football
Fouxy – showing impressive knowledge and clearly a mega Middlesex fanboy
Fouxy – also a well known historian
Exec meeting – invasion of the PAIS building
Shiv – providing some bland crisps
Everyone – lapping them up in preparation for circle
No – Countdown
Dis – appointing
Rory – establishing himself as a serious bottlejob wearing casual clothes
Sohayl – now number one rated on trip advisor for selling club tickets in Leam
Sohayl – also the least rated out of all the exec
New Supergamble – Cov Indoor League Captain
Truly – a terrible punishment
PCP – pool games galore
Randall – pissing his money down the drain as he challenges Jabzy to some pool
Randall – two fat Ls
NJ and SJ – taking a break from posting shit instagrams on KBB and writing the gamble pot
Both – still freshers
Tables – crisis
Bird – told you we would be late
Bird – his signature optimism making an appearance
Mark – coming through by providing 2 heavy duty tables
Bin – vanished
SU – now no longer providing bins to clubs
Warwick SU – another genius move
Darts – in serious danger of extinction
Bin – stolen from toilet
Owen – using his BNOC status to secure it
Gentlemen – loud even with the abnormally large fresh turnout
Eagles – fucking everywhere
Parth – in serious danger of being eaten as small prey
Muppet Nominations – Flying in
Sash – nominated for trying to sneak into his own house at 5:30am in doing so waking up and scaring the shit out of Ridge
Ridge – nominated for shouting “Fuck off you cunt” to Sash and therefore waking up the rest of the house
Essex – nominated for losing his backpack on the U1 with both his and his girlfriend’s laptop inside and then crying and refusing to be nominated last week
Bag – found like a couple days later

Cheers – equally as loud between Ridge and Essex
Wack – Off
Ridge – boomtown
Essex – Failure
Essex – blessing the dress with his body odour

First Session:

Gamble (Ridge) – Double Gamble Wack
Eagle – Down
Double – smashed with all his experience
Second Gamble – Mexican Wack Off
Mexican Wack Off – Obviously a gamble
Wack – finally breaking him
Ridge – first trip to the toilets getting in nice and early
Ridge – also out of pints
New Game – 20+1
New Rule – Table wacking being introduced nice and early
Jabzy – failing to ask for a rule
Exposed – af
Randall – now a seasoned veteran has had enough of Jabzy’s shit
Randall – also angry because Jabzy hit him for a mahussive SIX in training
Singing – noticeably shite with Fresh still learning
New Rule – each multiple of 4 is now doubled
Ridge’s mate – “fuck this I go Beckett for a reason”
Fresh – struggling to grasp such a complex addition to the game
Gamble (Sesh) – Pants Wack Off
NJ – desperately trying to explain to all the idiots around circle it’s actually a good gamble
Everyone – not listening
NJ – put it back in the pot
Jabzy – nodding and then scrunching it up and yeeting it in the bin
Pick – again
New Gamble – Rick & Muncy Chain
Sesh Abbasi & Rav – chained together all night
Sash – celebrating the fact he finally got his cover letter in by going hard early
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
SJ – sweating as we pass the early teens
SJ – struggling to contain the nonce inside
UWMCC – remaining strong and passing 50 FINALLY
Ridge – bringing up the big 60 in remarkable fashion
Wickets – start to fall fast
UWMCC – all out for 94
Total – not bad at all considering the previous week’s scores as well as the fresher overload
Gamble (Owen) – Sash Slip Cordon
Sesh Slip Cordon – anyone in the V must wack
Sash – known for his front foot demolition
Sash – also known for his inability to pull
Sash – can’t play a hook shot either
Ba – Zinga
Owen– not content with kimming just fresh, includes the resident third year fresh MT
MT –shows his rage
V – looking more like a U
MT – sends his pint with lightning speed to show his anger
New Game – Randall Splat
CalGal – keen to send Krish and his half pint
Krish – getting his six cups at the ready
Shiv – being continually sent and not hacking it
Fresher Facial – also struggling
Both – in a final duel
Jabzy – explains the rules clearly
Step – means take a step
Wack – turn and skull it
Shiv – hears the first step and continues to wack
Shiv – now must go and fill his cup up again
Fresher Cumshot – wiping around his mouth getting ready
Duel – Fresher Facial takes the W


Jonos – convincing Fresher Mike that they are indeed Freshers and they all begin to bond as a bunch of Rootes fwends
Fresher Mike – none the wiser
Jabzy – wondering why the purple is so shit
Randall – confirms it is definitely piss
Parth – amused by Jabzy’s misfortune
Ridge’s dead body – found floating in a puddle of vomit in the toilet
Archie – desperate to claim his and Laurie’s rewards for hosting the Kasbah pres
Jabzy – stays true to his word and gives them 5 to nominate each

2nd Session –

Gentlemen – rounding up the clubmen
Walls – shaking
Circle – tables moved in to make the circle smaller to create a better atmosphere
Change – immediate improvement
Archie and Laurie – sending two to MT, Owen, Sash (and Muncy) and Jabzy gets 3
Archie – making enemies quickly
Muncy – refusing the wack
Eventually – obliges
Jabzy – finishing his dirty pissy purple
Supergamble (Rudi) – Cov indoor league captain
Exec – relieved that none of them have to do it
Rudi – didn’t realise it was a supergamble
Rudi – devastated at the news
New Game – Tinder
Sesh – guaranteed
Rick & Muncy – getting hammered by the chains
Rav – desperate for the superlike round
Superlike – delayed as Jabzy is keen for drama later at POP to write about
Fresher corner – looking like dead men
Fouxy – screaming his lungs out after learning the songs
Fouxy – now a sesh addict
Gamble (Sash) – NUKE
F–Dog – distraught at two nukes already this term
Pints – downed
German bombers – 4 in the air
RAF from England – shot them down
Krish – leading the chant with some passion
Half pints – giving him the voice of an angel
New Game – ICICN
First round – freshers
(Generic clubman) – fails to name 34 freshers
Second round – clubmen in the circle who will not reach the third round
Bird – claimed af
26 – a big ask
Fouxy – named first
Bird – doesn’t realise that Fouxy is the varsity wildcard
Fouxy – bowls rockets
Gamble (Who knows) – Fresh 1 min challenge
Jabzy’s memory– as useful as UWMCC is with women.
Target – 21
Fresher Mike – ditching his team and running downstairs
Randall – Oi!
Fresher Mike – not making a great impression
Fouxy – lining up 5 pints with serious intent
Fresh – teaming up and delivering 26
Empty cups – seemingly sourced from nowhere
Cheating – Fresh
New Game – PL Darts
Bin – tiny
Many throws – missed
Darts – pinging in from everywhere
MT and co – booming a 180 and sending them fast
MT– sends pints back at Archie.
Archie– Scuttles to the toilet after choking his double
Fraser Ben and Jabzy – getting sent by some silly freshers and losing all their pride
Sood – carrying his team
Sood – gobbling up his sesh
Fresher facial – probably off for a wank


Rav, Sash and Owen – find and corner SU president
Big Ben – subjected to an onslaught of “Thick of it” chat
“Eh Ben Swain, Ben the Man, Ben 10, Benstrual cycle ehhhhh”
Hairless – Hagrid
Bentally – ill
Ben – on the fourth of July
Ben – jy
Big – Ben
Digi – Ben
Osama – Ben Laden
Benola – Gay
Ben – Nevis
Sack of fucking cum
Benjamin – Glutton
The Shit Terminator
Giant – Gaystacks
Big Ben – takes it on the chin as good as Fresher Cumshot
Big Ben – then tells them to fuck off

3rd Session

Gamble (Nathan) – Nuke Nominate
Jabzy – unearthes the only 50p he has left
Nathan – thrown the coin
Randall – bricking it as he also has shitey purple
Heads – the call
Big Fucking – Flip
Nathan – nails it for his team and sends the nuke to the eagles table
Owen – desperately trying to hide pints under his table
Witnesses – all over
Eagle cries – now muted
Thank – God
New Game – Trivia Home/Away
MT’s table (AWAY) – what is the largest freshwater lake in the world?
MT – Victoria
Answer – Superior
Cheeri – O
Joe’s table (AWAY) – what percentage of an egg’s weight is the shell? To the nearest 10%
Joe – crying out for 10
Parth – wanting to go 15
Joe – executive decision goes 10
Joe – smashing it as the answer is 12%
Sood’s table – Statue of Liberty gifted to USA by which country?
Answer France – Archie and Lauries guest nailing it
Rav’s table – name all of the seven dwarfs
Parth – does in fact count
NJ – instrumental in the answering
Rav – sends double to Sash’s table as a rookie would
Ch – ain
Fouxy’s table – sent by a mickey mouse question for a mickey mouse table
Maliciously – Sending pints at MT
Oversesh – present
Eagles – easily getting a question with Owen’s extensive trivia knowledge
Owen – hider of pints
Gamble (Archie) – Slip Cordon
Archie – just ruining everyone involved
Bouncer – 10 mins call
Jabzy – employs the wack and leave rule
New Game – Speed 20+1
Fresher Cumshot – rumoured to be asleep in the toilets
We all know what he was really doing
Bouncer – in a serious rush
Big Ben – probably crying somewhere
Small bin – well and truly fucked
Sood and Fresher Laurie – winners of Microcircle
Lads – rush downstairs
Rav and Sash – stood in the middle of the megamix circle
Dis – missed


Megamix – poor synchronisation
Fouxy – outdoing everyone
Rav – sweating like a blind nun in a fish shop
Everyone – pulling out their bows of burning gold
Whipping – in their chariots of fire
Also – loving angels instead


Rugby – doing their best impressions of cunts
Obvs– One too many pints of piss had been drunk.
Parth – grabbed by the neck
Beef – becomes apparent
Sash – as always in the middle of it
Standard – president behaviour
Ridge – passed out no doubt due to that double gamble wack
Ridge’s mate – seen strolling the streets of Leam the next day in his shirt
Walk – of shame
The things you do – for a cuddle
Rudi – would rather do a ten pint forfeit than cov indoor
Jabzy – denies such a request

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