“RUN YOU STUPID TWAT” – Timmo shouts over the phone
Randall – sprinting up the parade in order to catch the bus
Bus Driver – fires daggers at Randall who gets on the bus in the nick of time
Millman – late to exec meeting again
Lewis – spends half the meeting critiquing Nish’s pasta
PCP – gun with circle back at the usual 8pm start time
Men – all cramming in some last minute food in an attempt to save themselves from the inevitable sesh
Choppy – looking at Lewis’ pasta
Choppy – “I cant believe that he has the audacity to tell Nish that his pasta smelt bad… that pasta looks as if it smells like when your nan goes all loopy and starts cooking really weird shit”
Roche+Lewis – Gamble pot duty
Bag of marshmallows – floating around
Bozza + Nish – Table bitches for the week as Randall had 3 fresh to get in
The Great British Table Off – A farce yet again
Womens Hockey – bringing 20 for the fight
Womens Rugby – in their first CR2 circle deciding to try and occupy the sacred turf
Bozza – sending UWWRFC with fire and fury
The rest – filtering in
Randall – still not satisfied with the new positioning of UWWRFC and appointing them bint soc
Bint soc. – now blocking the path to the toilets
Club relations – seriously suffering
BANG – man down
Fresh – looking shocked as Fresher Sasha plummets to the floor
Everyone else – delirious
Danger chair – claiming its first victim of the academic year
GENTLEMEN!!! – interrupted by one of the new bouncer team
Bouncer – “mate you’re being too loud”
Randall – acknowledges with a confused look on his face
Randall – “WOOOOOOOO”
Bouncer – mate I will kick all of you out
Bouncer – get fucked
MOTW nominations
Tasty – After chatting up a girl who supposedly is part of the ‘long game’, Choppy runs up to her and screams “BAHHHHH” mid chirpse, resulting in the girl walking off. After grafting hard, Tasty manages to reignite the chirpse only for choppy to return and scream “BAHHHHH” again. Tasty, in a fit of rage, decides to deliver a dose of sweet chin music to Choppy’s thigh disabling Choppy from Nandos the next day.
Turner – After taking the plunge of the dreaded super gamble last week, Turner has now refused the lucrative role of Cov indoor captain. Melt.
Sander – Following his nail-biting cheeky fresh victory last year, big things were expected of the newly crowned ‘cheeky’ but he most certainly has not lived up to the title. Sander has only attended 4 circles since his victory. Not my Cheeky.
Roche – Nominated for holding his 21st up north in the middle of nowhere. Seemingly a poor nomination until you realise that none of Roachy’s home friends have been invited to said party. Northern Bastard.
Murphy – probably nominated for being unbearable as at this point the nominations were lengthy and not very funny
Big cheers- for Tasty and Turner
Randall – “can we have a cheer for choppy”
Crowd – disgruntled as choppy not nominated
Randall – Now nominated for trying to stitch Choppy
Wack off – 3 way between Randall, Tasty and Turner
Turner – Losing
Dress – already forgotten
Choppy – wacking
New game – Roman Numerals
Gamble (Roche) – I’ve been abroad double
IBAD – any gap year or year abroads doubling
Randall – looking sheepish with 2 gap years under his belt
Nobody – calling him out
Numerals – poor
Fresh – signing up for Latin drop in’s with the infamous XIX stitching many
New rule – fresher Sanjay stating with authority that the next person to ‘cock up’ will double
Probert – stitching his fresh and taking the double
Probert – impressive speed despite squash in first session
Probert – wtf?
New rule – fresher Marcin dictating that any single containing an ‘X’ will skip a person
Jarris – surprising all with impressive numerals
Jarris – running latin drop in’s
UWMCC – fucked
New Game – Home or Away
Gamble (Turner) – Veggie wack
Veggies – including Millman, Nish, Freshers Krishan and Rahul
HoA – prepped by Captain Bozza
Home (Turner) – bowler to get Bradman out in his final innings to prevent him averaging 100
Home – not even easy
Turner – no idea
Eric Hollies – Legend
Away (Tasty) – is today a) International day of the girl b) World obesity day c) National coming out day?
Tasty – confident as he has seen the snapchat filter for national coming out day
Bozza – stitching Tasty as it was in fact all 3 days
3 national days – secretly linked?
Tasty – doubling
Away (Nish) – what is the capital of Uruguay?
Circle – perplexed
Jon Hall – turning in his grave
Montevideo – fucking duh
New game – Black Black White
Gamble – Wack if you didn’t get to the world cup
The welsh – stitched
Fresher Rahul – surprising many with welsh roots
Fresher Rory – also very welsh
Tune of – sheep sheep sheep shagger
BBW – funny because it’s also a category on Pornhub
The Code – still not cracked by the fresh and Merriman
Dhruv – “Black Black Black”
Randall – looks at Curtis
Curtis – “too soon”
Dhruv – racist
Fresher Harry – trying his luck again with blue
Blue – neither black or white
Queues – huge at the bar
One more game – unpopular
New game – HoT
Gamble (Bozza) – Me vs Dan Lewis Rainbow wack (start of 2nd)
The welsh – kimmed
HoT – merely a time killer


UWMCC – populating the sofas being used by bint soc for their circle
Bint soc – even aggier than before
Lewis – trying to repair relations with charm and charisma
Murphy – tries to help
Bridges – well and truly burned
Fresh – still shocked that you have to buy more purple

2nd Session
GENTLEMEN!! – quiet this time as we don’t want to be kicked out for being too loud
Most – not buying into the new quiet tactic and directing their woo’s at the bouncer
Bouncer – realising that kicking 40 rowdy UWMCC members out would cost the SU a lot of money lets it slide
Rainbow Wack – ready
Gladiators – ready
Back a winner – ready
Match – complete dead heat with both vk’s hitting the bin at the same time
Winner – to be decided by wack off
Back a winner – some changing their votes with Lewis seemingly in a world of trouble
Boz – not in much better shape
Wack off – another draw
The Welsh – just can’t win
The Welsh – unable to do another pint
Rock Paper Scissors – the decider
Back a winner – many changing again as rumours of Boz being south west wales under 14s rock paper scissors champion 2010
Boz – Scissors
Lewis – Scissors
UWMCC – creasing
Re-Re-Re match – a thing
Lewis – overcomes all odds and sends boz with a cheeky scissors, cutting bozza’s paper in half
New Game – Danny Williams PLD
Super Gamble (Fresher Sanjay) – Vindaloo Challenge
Vindaloo Challenge – Sanjay must now eat a vindaloo with no rice/naan next week at club meal
Freshers – seriously reconsidering their early enthusiasm with the gamble pot
DWPLD – excellent standard unlike last week
Danny Williams – basically PDC as opposed to the more simple lakeside PLD
Team Probert – 5 in a row
Team Fresh – 4 in a row, learning that the under arm flick is much more effective
Fresher Owen – couldn’t have missed the bin by any more as he sends his pint into womens hockey
Many – trying to bail before it was their go
Randall – not letting Millman avoid his darts fate
Millman – becoming childish and deviant
Fresher Sanjay – chunders all over the black curtains of CR2
New Game – Face Down Eyes Up
Gamble (Mack Jallows) – nominate number of fresh
Fresh – 10 present with a few MIA in the toilets
Mallows – power going to his head and sending a triple Merrimans way
Merriman – nearly dies at the thought of tripling
Mallows – retracts and distributes accordingly
FDEU – eventful with no collusion allowed
Matches – aplenty
Rajakanthan – looking to the ceiling
Fresher Owen – a popular target
New Game – 1 Fat Frog
Randall – resisting the opportunity to play at 10 fat bints
10 fat bints – looking dench
Gamble (fresher Rahul) – anti-Nish challenge
ANC – a protest against Nish and his water
ANC – 2 pints of water, 1 pint of purple
Fresher Rahul – sending the water with ease although encountering choppy waters with the purple
Debate – water purple water or water water purple?
1FF – round 2 never reached


Kinners – spotted in womens hockey circle
Fresher Owen – seen dipping a marshmallow into his purple and then sending it into the darb below
MIA Fresh – sourced from the toilets and prepared for 3rd session
Choppy – going for a shit
Choppy – dropping his wallet on the floor in the cubicle
Droppy – sees the wallet snatched from his cubicle
Pursuit – on
Mystery wallet thief – Lewis

3rd Session
Gentlemen – loose as midget gems and marshmallows go flying across circle
A Chair – somehow has been wedged in the bin
Lewis – who else?
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble (Murphy) – Chubby Bunny Challenge
CBC – one by one, Murphy has to insert a marshmallow into his mouth and say chubby bunny after each mallow
Murphy – managing about 6 before he can no longer say chubby bunny
Murphy – then having to wack with 6 jackmallows in his mouth
Wack – long and torture like
Bouncer – “5 minutes guys”
Randall – incensed with over an hour of circling left
Social Secs – united against the shit bouncer and refusing to pack up
Bouncer – gives up and fucks off, hopefully for good
DDM – some good match ups
Aneesh – sent by his fresher brother
Aneesh – sort your shit out
Louie – sends a lesser spotted Rhino in an epic
Fresher Jonathan – picks Merriman and sends him
Justice – cries ringing out
Fresher Jonathan – finishing his 2nd pint before Merriman has finished his 1st
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Gamble (Fresher Owen) – slip cordon
Tasty et al. – praying that Fresher Owen is right handed
Fresher Owen – most certainly right handed and stitching Adithya with a triple
Kraus’ Cricket – claiming victims left right and centre
UWMCC – plummeting from dizzy heights of 110 down to a more realistic 67 all out
Timmo – playing some ridiculous shots
Hey Baby – chants breaking out
UWMCC – jump on board
CR2 atmosphere – electric
Sittampalam – ringing out
Sittampalam – legacy lives on
Louie – becoming more unbearable by the second
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Murphy – upon hearing ball stands up and gets his balls out
Windmill society – need no further invitation
Rajakanthan – joining in
Rajakanthan – also being told to wack and forgetting his cock was out
UWMCC – weird
Roche – makes a beeline to the toilet
Roche – doesn’t make the toilet
Bint soc. – chundered on
Gamble (Nish) – 2nd v 3rd boat race
Nish – electing a strong 3rd year team and a mid-strength 2nd year team
Tasty, Probert, Chattle, Choppy vs Ozanne, Sander, Curtis and Mallows
Winner – fairly obvious
RSB – completed
UWMCC – finished off
Micro Circle – existent but pointless
Gamble – why not
Mexican Wack off – seeing off final pints

Megamix – has one g
Megamix – also has fucking Turner in the middle trying to start a revolution
Turner – culled
Stupid womens hockey fresh – trying to get through the circle
Girl – sent by many men
Barmy army – genuinely dangerous
Rajakanthan – dump tackles Louie over the barrier at the front
Louie – kicked out
Copper Rooms – jubilant
Fresher Owen – going overboard on the shoutouts
Fresher Owen – also losing his tie and instructed to find it within 5 minutes
Fresher Owen – sprints off and returns with it
Jarris – sharking
Tasty – sharking
The pair – surely on some sort of list
Roche – asking Tasty about the Darbados reduction plan for the upcoming tour
Tasty – revealing that he went to the gym today
Proof – required
Fresher Rory – sending Randall and Roche in a VK race
Bus – a genuine fight to the death to get on
Bus driver – won’t let girl on because she is 5p short
Angry Mob – all pushing through and eventually 7823749 people are on the U1
Merriman – makes the long walk to maccies upon his return
Merriman – nearly mugged by some locals
Merriman – “so worth it for a big mac though”
The Express – living life on the edge
UWMCC – living life on the sesh

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