3rd/4th years – experienced U1ers, making it onto campus in time to meet the eager fresh at the meet and greet
2nd years – not quite grasping the concept of rush hour, getting kimmed by traffic and arriving late
Fresh – turned out in decent numbers to meet the club and hear about tour
Kinnners – turning up late, fresh having to make do with 500 flyers instead
Flyers – possibly more helpful than Kinners anyway
Kraus – return of el Presidente, rumours of a mutiny against the Bexson regime
Freshers Tim, Joe, Seb, Josh, Mihir and Aryaman – taking the plunge and taking the spare circle tickets with Fresher Aneesh already having one
Tasty – suddenly realising that he has no ticket
Circle – in peril, social sec substitute almost required
Larkins – buzzing for a circle that he can finally sit down for
Shades – becoming a conversation topic at the meet and greet
Fresher Adi – having failed to gain entry to Shades, asking how it is
Kinners – “what time did you try and go in?”
Fresher Adi – “about 10pm…”
Fresher Adi – about as much chance as successfully gaining entry at 10pm as Cooper ever gaining access to Shades again
Tasty – managing to find a ticket at the last moment
Tasty, Larkins – setting up a big circle, hogging all the tables to the despair of other clubs
SU – telling Tasty to give up tables
Tasty – telling SU to get fucked
UWMCC – GENTLEMEN!!!!!!
Men’s Hockey – chanting “virgins” at us
UWMCC – “we won CMD!”
UWMHC social sec – getting sat the fuck down
MOTW – stories valid from end of last term
Tasty – nominated for his dom tour antics. Having got extremely seshed at Tiger Tiger Tuesdays in Leeds, Tasty arrives home to find a man passed out in hostel kitchen. With little encouragement from Jimmy Harris and Bexson, Tasty decides to windmill the bloke, hitting him several times in the face with his knob. Tasty proceeds to dip his knob in the garlic and herb dip and then continue to slap the man across his face. Finally, he handed the garlic and herb dip to Jarris who then hurled it at the man, squaring him in the face.
Murphy – also nominated for dom tour. Having had one too many discount Bulmers at West Street live, Murphy decides to hit up the dancefloor and begins a stretching routine, not too dissimilar for the Eric Prydz ‘call on me’ video. He then proceeds to get a chair and sit in the middle of the dancefloor, before finally almost get knocked out by a Sheffield local. Murphy then caps off Sheffield by making a brash statement about rape the following night – “if you’re gonna rape a girl, then she may as well be fit”. Unfortunately, he is overheard by a random woman and then verbally assaulted.
Kinners – nominated for stationary related mishaps. Kinners, in charge or organising leaflets for International tour, a trip that normally attracts around 20 clubmen decides to get 500 leaflets printed. With the mantra of “better to be over prepared”, Kinners accepts his mistake and decides that at least he’d have plenty for sports fair… or would he? Sadly for Kinners, he whoppery is compounded when the leaflets don’t even arrive on time. What a whopper.
Tasty – comfortably winning MOTW and donning the new dress – a black flowery number
MOTW dress – fitting Tasty’s darby shape nicely
Bexson – eagerly pointing out clubmens clothing errors
Bozza, Howard, Adit, Rooty – wacking for various reasons.
Turner – describing Larkins at circle as a excited child at christmas
New game – 20 +1
Gamble – Bozza – “1 minute challenge and text your dad”
Bozza – seeing off 3 in half a minute before making a run for the toilet
Bozza – avoiding the text to his dad – punishment in store next week
20 + 1 – clubmen looking rusty, failing to get to 20+1 in the first few attempts
New rule – 5,10,15 and 20 are Little, Choppy, Laws and Laws respectively
UWMCC – falling apart at this point, with even Little choppy Lawson screwing up
Larkins – child like glee appearing on his face at the prospect of the Choppy song
New rule – 7 = Amsterdam
Clubmen – tolerance to purple subsiding over summer, already looking ropey.
New game – Premier League Darts!!
Gamble – Roach – Singalong Wack
Roach – way to sober to get any energy into his rendition of ‘We will rock you’.
Roach – wacking for failing to get any sing-alongs.
Game 1 – lippiat, probert and others (hazy memory) vs. Inth, mihir, adit etc.
Back a winner – majority of people guessing correctly.
Game 2 – hotly anticipated contest between Bexson, Goodyear, Hall, Kinners et al. and Chattle’s team.
Game 2 – ending 5-5 with Goodyear missing the final shot.
Bexson – not a good start for someone with such an impeccable darts ratio.
New game – I claim I can name
Gamble – Murphy – nominate a double vodka Carlsberg
Adit – the unlucky recipient
ICICN – claims including England squad members for Bangladesh series and pornstar.
Kinners – claiming fresher Seb on 9 pornstars
Fresher Seb – successful and kimming Kinners for a double due to stitch a fresh
FIRST RECESS
Second session – starting with Adit’s double vodka Carlsberg
Adit – wacking to raucous chants of Oh Adit Kulkarni
New game – Cricket
SUPER GAMBLE!!! – a pot filled with two gambles – 50/50 chance of kimming yourself vs. kimming everyone else.
Lippiat – the brave soul
Lippiat – the unlucky man – pulling out the double gamble wack!!
Lippiat – sending a double before pulling out the Fresher’s 1 minute challenge and then finishing his pint to the tune of Justice.
Fresh – set the target of 15 pints between the 7 of them
Fresh – successfully wacking 16 – sign of good things to come
Cricket – an utterly abysmal display
Will – told that the score is 18-4
Will – “18??”
Will – made to double for being an utter fool
UWMCC – all out for 47 – everyone wacking
Merriman – sending his cup into the middle, striking Tasty in the back
Tasty – forcing Merriman to double
Merriman – Ohhhhhhhhhhh
New game – arrogance
Gamble – Born in the first half of the year wack
Goodyear – “are we talking calendar or academic”
Tasty – deciding calendar to avoid wacking himself
Arrogance – descending into chaos as people start hurling coins at eachothers drinks
Inth – stitching fresher Aryaman (who has an uncanny resemblance to Inth) and having to wack himself
Fresher Inth sends actual Inth in a pint race – scenes!!
New game – Tinder!!!!
Gamble – Exec vs. 2nd Year boat race
Exec – letting Tasty and Dan represent the 2nd years and going with the team of Bexson, Bozza, J$ and Rooty
2nd year – going for Tasty, Dan, Turner and Chattle
Boat race – back a winner
2nd years – sending the exec to the surprise of the audience
Tinder – becoming messy as per usual, with the usual suspects Bexson, Turner and Dan eager to stich others
Cheeky – sending chairs into circle – purple hitting him harder than most
SECOND RECESS
Third session – another huge gentlemen to set the scene
Chattle challenging Tasty to a wack-off
Chattle somehow winning (although with most of the pint on his shirt
Tasty – bitter
Lippiat to Fresher Seb – “3rd sesh is usually a right off as everyone begins to die”
Lippiat – not far from the truth
New game – Home or away
Gamble – white shirt wack
Goodyear – “this is actually a light shade of baby blue”
Goodyear – somehow evading wacking
Murphy – going away for 2 pints – what year did USA last win Ryder cup before Hazeltine
Murphy – managing to luck his way into getting the answer – 2008
Murphy – sending a double over to Ferdi
J$ – taking a home question – top CC Division 1 run scorer
J$ – getting it wrong – answer Keaton Jennings
Bexson – home – who is Cook’s only wicket
Everyone other than Bexson – seemingly knowing the answer
New game – Reverse Sherwin ball
Gamble – Too close to call
Fresher Seb and Joe to race – Back a winner
Fresher Joe – winning a tight race
Reverse SB – a poor standard with the eventual last two being Kinners and Fresher Seb
Fresher Seb – calmly saying 1 before sitting down – seeee ya Kinners
New game – 1 Fat Slag
Gamble – Kinners – Big Tasty Bellybutton challenge
Larkins – failing to grasp slag and saying frog
Turner – saying pond instead of bed
Everyone – essentially wrecked
Kinners – finishing the session by slurping Malibu out of Tasty’s bellybutton
Circle – finished with a rendition of Jerusalem
Megamix – gun
POP! – once again taken over by UWMCC, reclaiming their usual position at the front
Fresher Josh – loving life at the front but somewhat confused by everyone eating each others ties
Fresher Joe – getting pissed on by Hockey pricks
Fresher Joe – stealing a unicorn hat before getting with the person
Fresher Joe – cleaning up – could he be Little Tasty?!?!
Hall – sending a pic of Tasty to Ewen Murray (golfer) asking if he had the physique for golf
Hall – messaging Big Lawson from Choppy’s phone
Ewen – replying and saying that Tasty has what it takes
Tasty – future career sorted
Toto and Paul Simon – sorely missed over the summer
Fresher Tim – being escorted out of POP! by security after getting overseshed
Fresher Joe – presumably chopping up
Goodyear – ejected for vomming in POP!
NU1 – a new experience for many 2nd years
Goodyear and Hall – sitting up at 3am, drinking red wine and discussing county cricket
UWMCC – well and truly middle class
Goodyear – sleeping with Hall
Hall – waking up to an empty bed
Goodyear – where is the respect…
UWMCC – well and truly back