UWMCC vs Marton CC

As the new academic year comes around the chance to win yet another Coventry Indoor League presents itself as a new breed of freshers look to cement their places in the Connexion Arena history books. With former greats of the indoor game, such as Beauclerk, Bradshaw and David moving on to pastures new it was time for this year’s skipper, Ed ‘the Chopper’ Cooper, to select a group of unknowns and lead them to greatness.

On the basis of who seemed like decent blokes at week 1 PCP and one net, Cooper picked 4 freshers; Ferdinand Rex, Dan Lewis, Joe Chapple and Charlie Turner. Connor Hobbs, the experienced indoor former captain was also selected because Cooper didn’t feel comfortable driving to Coventry without a friendly face.

Getting on our way to Coventry was more difficult than Cooper would probably care to admit. His first error was excitedly exclaiming that we had the infamous ‘Blokeswagon’ for the journey – alas, it was a Vauxhall. His second error was stalling multiple times in the car park. The freshers seemed uneasy as to what they had let themselves in for at this point. After multiple highly offensive remarks at fellow drivers on campus that might see Cooper needing an ‘I heart Consent’ workshop, and threatening to mow down some international students (which he blamed on playing too much GTA), we were underway.

We somehow arrived at the Connexion Arena safely (after Cooper nearly flew a red light into oncoming traffic at a roundabout) to see the lights weren’t on. This led to an incredibly village warm up in the dark where you couldn’t see the ball. However, we were soon provided with light and Cooper tossed up with a ginger hipster called Gareth, and opted to bowl. Clobber and Turner opened the bowling with tidy overs, the latter getting good bounce and getting a wicket as Gareth prodded tentatively to Cooper at mid-off. Ferdy came on to bowl some probing off spin, leading to Dan taking a very sharp one handed catch at gully. At this point Marton’s solid run rate and attacking batting started to decline sharply, especially after a great run out from Clobber at point in the next over, with only one stump to aim at. By this stage wickets were tumbling, and after another runout and another Rex wicket Marton were struggling. Turner came back on for the 9th over and ended their innings with his second wicket, reducing Marton to 75 all out off 8.3 overs.

It was up to Dan and Joe to open up for Warwick, both determined not to get ducks against the 12 year old opening bowler who was turning it both ways. Dan started very well mastering the Andy Davies nurdle and flat bat 4 almost instantly. Chapple also looked comfortable but indoor cricket is a harsh game and he was out for 3 in the second over. Ed Cooper and Dan continued to play some great cricket and run fantastically well ensuring Dan retired on 26. Ferdy came in only to be run out instantly by Cooper, but fortunately Cooper went on to also retire. Charlie came in and knocked a couple of 3s before going for one too many big shots, but Clobber finished off the innings with a glorious 4 down the ground. This meant we had won by 3 wickets in 7.4 overs, Dan with 26* and Cooper with 27*. A clinical victory for those involved and promising signs for our title defence.

Once again Cooper struggled with the journey home, at one point driving down the middle of two lanes on a dual carriageway with angry drivers either side. Furthermore he nearly filled up the minivan with the wrong fuel, before messing up his order and trying to buy £0 of petrol. Calamitous scenes all round. This was neatly finished off with Cooper not backing himself to park the van, leaving it on double yellows outside the sports centre and telling Warwick Sport to “Get fucked.” All in all, it was a successful day.