UWMCC Golf Day

Even with Jonny Bradshaw’s most resilient badgering Warwick Sport were once again unable to provide the goods and UWMCC’s golfing contingent relied on what can only be described as the most unorganised motoring quartet in club history – Kraus, Hobbs, Tedmonds and Gonszor (potentially harsh on the latter). However, after both Liam and Kynaston were guilty of sleeping in, the group was able to gather round for an excellent fry up, where darbs were stocked up and debate was flowing regarding the prospect of aubergine stash next year.

After Liam had finally come to his senses, Moose had hooked a few drives on the range and Larkins had got to grips with his borrowed (and remarkably gun) set of clubs, the opening trio were set to tee off. Under the pressure of a heckling audience all three played excellent tee shots to start the day in a positive fashion.

The next group consisted of Gonszor, Avery-Hickmott and Tedmonds, the latter of which had entered the competition in some horrendous form after lighting up the term one stage. They were followed by the fourball of Jewson, Kraus, Bexson and Kynaston, with special credit to going to Bexson’s outstanding gold stash, again putting his hat into the ring as a contender for the club’s best looking member.

The final group contained Yeti, Clobber and Goodyear, who had barely left the first tee box before the twitter abuse began from Jamie Spires about Yeti’s ‘horror stash’. It only took a handful of shots before Clobber was calculating how few shots he required to prevent blobbing, a process that would be ongoing for a while.

It took most of the golfers a few holes to get to grips with the rapid nature of Stonebridge’s greens, but it looked on the rise when Jewson sunk a long putt for birdie on the fourth. Most of the course could sense his happiness with a Ryder Cup style fist pump, but just to be sure he decided to text Yeti to fill him in.

Out in front Liam was stealing the show, with a run of birdie, par, birdie, par to begin the back 9. Further back Teds’ head was lost in the rough, and Jewson carding an 11 ended his hopes of going cumulatively low at least. In the final group Goodyear birdied a par 5 with a superb long putt having not played golf for 18 months, the high point of a solid back nine. Clobber also had a run of three outstanding holes to start the back 9, giving him extreme confidence, and with Yeti covered in mud and blobbing a hole, he decided to bet a triple on winning the back 9, which he later passed off as intentional – ‘I need to find a way to get drunk in first session.’

Other notable incidents involve Kraus hitting his tee shot backwards (and not getting his cock out), Larkins going on the charge before suddenly shooting a quadruple bogey and Clobber maintaining a uniquely positive outlook through his trusty ‘progress’ catchphrase.

With the rounds respectively drawing to a close, Kynaston saved his best for last, sinking a 20 footer after Kraus promised him golf day victory if he schlotted it. When the groups reconvened for a beer in the bar the stableford points were calculated and the tension was reaching a crescendo. Liam came in at third with an outstanding 41 points, and deserves credit for shooting the lowest gross score. The runner up was Yeti, devastated to not retain his title by scoring 42 points, despite a considerably better performance than last year and perhaps the finest round of his prestigious golfing career. Finally, the winner was a deserving one – Avery-Hickmott playing some great golf to take the title on his first attempt with 43 points. Lastly, a huge thanks to Kraus for organising a great day at an excellent venue.

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