Curtis – “RANDALL PLEASE TELL ME YOU’VE BOOKED THE BALTI FOR THIS WEDNESDAY, I THINK YOGA ARE TRYING TO BOOK IT”
Randall – smug as he has sent his minions out in week 1 to book le Balti early doors
UWMCC – safe for now
Fast-forward – Saino’s
Tasty and Randall – on the look-out for the infamous Bayerskloof Pinotage which went down oh so well on tour
The Pair – finding what they came looking for in amongst some other supplies which would come in handy later
Old Library – filling up with so many UWMCC members that the bar staff thought the social was in there
Outside – an interesting choice as we’re still encountering sub-zero temperatures
Global Warming – any of?
Sash – certainly trying to speed it up by spamming the patio heater button
Strongbow Dark Fruits – being ordered by the gallon as many clubmen attempt to fill a purple coloured hole in their Wednesday
Balti – herding up their customers and ushering them out of the door as the first few clubmen filter in
Sneaky early curry order – placed
Birthday wine – dished out
Merriman – disappointed
Timmo – absent but nominating his pint of wine to Aragog
Aragog – standing up to reveal that he is wearing his hospital robe from the past club meal under his shirt
Chat – good
Memories – bad
Happy Birthday – a fitting tune to wack along to
Choppy – attempts the vamped up version of HBD infuriating traditionalists
MOTW – a plethora with fresh starting to dip their fresh little fingers into the nominations
Southern Jono – nominated for starting a fight with a 7ft 6 giant of a woman in Skldayz last week, only to run away screaming for about 5 minutes before falling over and realising that he was too seshed to even get back up. Mess.
Turner – stands up to give his account of the same story and proceeds to ruin the story
Turner – nominated
Aragog – nominated by a very sad Ivan. Last week Ivan decided to invite his Juan along to Skldays for a night filled with sesh and shit chat. Upon introducing her to his fresher pals, he goes off to buy some drinks and turns around just in time to see Aragog connect with an (unintentional) uppercut to the eye, drawing blood on Ivan’s Juan. Ben Stokes who?
Nish – nominated for road rage. Upon being stuck being a car full of unloading Chinese’s on campus and after several unsuccessful attempts at a pass, Nish finally sees his moment to get around. He winds his window down to give an earful as he goes around and prepares to flip some guy off when, as he gets level with the car, he stalls and looks like an utter muppet. Narayanoob.
Toby – finally nominated for getting with a homo. See Week 1 for more details.
Thor – nominated for an unsuccessful continuation of his dancing career. After being part of this year’s CMD loss, Thor decides to try and banish the ghost of the defeat by taking on the challenging lift from Dirty Dancing on Harry Collins at Skldays. After a successful lift, Thor pushes his luck with some spins with Harry still in the air and unfortunately for the pair, swings Harry straight into a pole and knocks him out. Unluckyyyyyy.
Jack Ridge – nominated for forgetting the dress
Cheers – loud
4 way wack off – ensues
Aragog, Turner, Southern Jono and Turner – going for it
Aragog – losing
Aragog – another pint of wine please
Ridge – also made to drink a pint of wine for forgetting the dress
Ridge – A bad week to forget the dress
Abdul – emerges from the kitchen with a hazmat suit on as he places the pre-ordered curry onto the table of looseness
Eyes – watering
Brave members of the Exec – dipping a finger to test the strength of this uberfaal
Boz – after a fingerful, excuses himself to the toilets
Uberfaal – hotter than anything ever experienced before
Fresh – sweating already
Randall – brandishing lime cordial and bailies from his bag
Bailies & Lime Cordial – a real life cement mixer
Roach – getting the tray of shots
Fresh – being summoned up and told to take a spoonful of uberfaal without drinking for a minute before simply making the table laugh
Kieron Patel – “Millman’s sex life?”
Table – in stitches
Stories – decent and not being done justice in mupdates
Dyson – pissing on a few mates from the great height of a tree
Olly Warwick – stealing his mates front gate and being caught on CCTV and nearly prosecuted
Toby – still shit up
Toby – “I got with a boy”
Fresher Clobber – his mum being chatted up by…?
Fresh – taking a battering on mystery shot
Gin – deceptive
Rav – “omg that curry is hot even for a brown boy”
Lewis – getting overexcited and dropping the shots and a whole bottle of wine over the rest of the tables curry
Dirty Pint – created
Lewis – struggling through it as he is exiled from the table
Boz – coming up with some insightful trivia throughout the evening for the fresh to have a crack at
Louie – running away from the uberfaal as Roach chases him with it
Mihir – biting into a chili naan which nish ordered for the fresh
Mihir – doesn’t even notice
Curry – class
Balti – laid to rest for another year
Abdul – bid fairwell with a swift “bon anniversclub meal” by all
Kelseys – next stop
Eliminator – purchased
Pool – shocking with many praying hands around the tables stealing all the balls
Mallows – dropkicking a bottle of something on the way out and exclaiming that ‘the sesh’ told him to do it
U1 – raided
Driver – stops half way to tell Murphy to sit the fuck down
Murphy – sheepishly agreeing to
Megamix – disjointed with oversesh the cause
Tasty – banging a wooden piece of chair on the bus the whole way back to campus
Tasty – career in percussion certainly not on the horizon
Fresh – nervous as they get off the bus, fearing the worst as they huddle round
Fresh – surprised and relieved to find no vodka boat race awaiting them this time round
Pop! – hit hard
Front Left – claimed back by the determined Owen and co
Smokers – occupied by Choppy and Tasty
The Duo – getting uncomfortably close to a couple getting off as Tasty starts to sing the Titanic theme tune incredibly loudly next to them
Tasty – getting a slap for his troubles as the girl doesn’t seem amused
UWMCC – getting aggressive
Merriman – more like Sean Merryweather as he clocks Jack Ridge in the forehead
Merryweather – no control of his limbs whatsoever as he continues to pound unsuspecting members of the public in the head and face
Ridge – saddened by the incident
Merriman – not a very friendly friendlies captain
Somebody – describing a girl as ‘ukkers’ (hold tight big shaq)
Another random bint – feminist as fuck, laying into poor clubmen for ages before Thor sets his SU wifey onto her to calm her the fuck down
Time of the month – probably
Kate Wood – walks over towards cricket
Cricket – run away from Kate Wood
Nish – the fastest of them all
Fresh – entering a stupid Warwick Entrepreneur Society Competition
Dyson, Warwick et al. – deciding to invent a new drink ‘wurple’
Wurple – water and squash
Innovative – I think not
The crew – filming members of the club wacking before disappearing in order to create a video fairly sent
Video – decent
CR2 – ‘felt empty’ without cricket according to various barmen/barbints as reported circle takings were down massively
Harry Collins – gets in an uber home with a girl despite being told it was only for a cuddle
Harry – awwwww
Toby – putting his past behind him
Toby – getting on a real girl despite many still trying to set him up with boys
Chat – what’s the longest circle streak held by a UWMCC clubman (incl. club meal and adoptions)?
Answers – in the comments box below please
Owen – somehow managing to tear the whole back of his trousers off
Uberfaal – obviously still lurking
Turner – also lurking, although still at Kelsey’s
Louie – continuing his bromance with Kieron Patel as the pair seem to be up to no good
UWMCC – up to no good
Ferdi – going to cov hospital the next morning
Sesh – unrelated
Some – say he was having a scan on his knee
Others – say he nearly died of bloodloss from his arse post club meal

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