“Oh shit”
Randall – missing PCP for the first time ever
Deadline – fast approaching
All other members of UWMCC – back once again as they have their shit together
Gemes – making another appearance the day before his graduation
Gemes – when will he actually leave?
Rumours – Toby has taken a week’s sabbatical from cricket in the hope that everyone will forget his whoppery last week
Reality – we will never forget
Lewis – “can someone take the dress? Its looking unlikely that I’ll be able to make circle”
Bozza – to the rescue on his return
Bozza – selected as table bitch as a welcome back present and leaves the dress in T-Bar in his excitement
Set up – easy, schlotting tables and chairs for fun
Randall – actually able to get his own pints this week although mysteriously electing the 2 purple 1 squash combination…
Men – up the stairs screaming some mauri war cry
Other Societies – knowing that cricket mean business
Excitement – growing
Pints – lost to the sesh RIP
Owen – looking worse for wear already
MOTW – so many
Thor – nominated for table tennis treachery. After a heavy Luvbug the night before, alarms go off a little too early for some UWMCC boys as many sore heads remember that they signed up for a stupid table tennis tournament early on Sunday morning. In fairness, it was for charity so the lads drag themselves to Desso and come to the unfortunate realisation that even if they got knocked out in the first round, there was the dreaded plate competition trap. Needless to say, team Thor, Roche, Ballo and Tasty get sent in their first game and come up with a cunning plan to throw the next round of matches in order to get home before lunchtime.
Ballo – loses without getting the ball back over the net
Tasty – loses after taking the first set
Roche – winning to make it seem legitimate
Thor – let’s his inner Viking get the better of him as he decides he has an urge to conquer and sends some shit girl, ensuring that his team advance to the next round and have to wait around for another couple of hours pretending like they wanted to be there. Roll on Netball next week.
Randall – nominated for being a stupid fresher. Questions about Randall’s lack of PCP presence were answered as it was revealed that he had forgotten that he had an essay in for 12pm Thursday… worth 90% of a module. Idiot.
Jack Ridge – nominated for several things but two that stick out: after a below par bar crawl with pole society in yet another failed attempt at talking to the opposite sex, Ridge et al sack the crawl and head to Tasty’s for some UWMCC style pres. After having a snoop around chez Tembey, Ridge discovers the infamous ghost chillies that Nish knows oh so well. Stupidly, he brings them downstairs and everyone decides that the fresh should eat some of them. Whilst Harry wisely refuses the stupid proposition, Aragog, Ridge and Owen accept the challenge. It’s fair to say Ridge comes out the worst, as he proceeds to drink 3 pints of milk from a bowl like a cat. Maybe it was in attempt to make himself feel better about being told to ‘fuck off and die’ by a 14 year old after officiating a football game the previous weekend or sending another lad off for calling him a cunt. Who knows?
Owen – nominated for pissing all over his floor. Although it’s stupid, it seems like nothing when compared with Dan Poowis
Louie – nominated for prioritising sesh over a date by Gemes
Gemes – nominated for a shit nomination
Wack off – ensues, with Ridge taking the dress
Boz – wacking for forgetting the sacred leopard print piece as Murphy comes to his rescue
Timmo – doubling for a boat shoe and no sock combo, one for each foot.
Various others – wacking for uniform
Various others – unsurprisingly including Gemes
New Game – Roman Numerals
Gamble (Gemes) – what do you meme?
WDYM – Gemes gets to decide to make people wack if he thinks they are too ‘tag happy’ on facebook
Gemes – nominating the entirety of circle
Roman Numerals – XXI not reached for 6 rounds in a row with freshers fucking up left right and centre
Randall – “if we don’t get it on this go everyone wacks”
Thor – “to my left, 1, 2…”
Thor – doubling while everyone else singles
Ballo – “to my left… black black white?”
Ballo – tripling
Randall – going mad
New game – BBW
Rav – tapping out for the 4th time already
Rav – a serious case of the shits
Gamble (Chattle) – Family Wack
Family Wack – involves facetiming a member of your family whilst you wack in the middle of circle
Chattle’s Dad – a willing family member and absolutely loving seeing his boy demolish a pint
BBW – long and tiresome with so many people fucking it up forgetting that it’s no longer a leap year and the Sanchez deal involves another player
Raj – decides to launch a midget gem at Murphy
Murphy – catches it in his mouth
Circle – applaud the reactions
Raj – not content with Murphy’s triumph, goes again
Murphy – catches it in his mouth again
Circle – delirious
3? – no as the fairy-tale comes crashing down
New Game – Tinder
Gamble – Fresh 1 min Challenge (start of 2nd)
Tinder – eventful with many matches
Gemes – looks left in round 1, matches
Gemes – looks right in round 2, matches
Gemes – looks up to find all of circle staring at him in the super like round
Collusion – a myth
4 wacks before recess – painful

Owen – taking leave as he develops flu during first session
Kieron Patel – reigniting his bromance with Louie
Harry – in a world of trouble on the sofas, needing a quick recovery before start of 2nd
Randall – continuing to write his essay in recess

2nd Session
Roche – doubling for his crimes against humanity as he regrets being a cunt
Fresh 1 min challenge – Impending
Target – 50 between 21
Thrown pint cups – aplenty although Randall refusing to count due to negligence
48 – oh so close
Gemes – made to help make up the final two
New Game – Flip Cup
SuperGamble – Gemes vs Tasty Showdown Round 3
Randall – fed up of the showdowns now as he dictates a new gamble of a joint Tasty and Gemes 1 min challenge with the pint total to nominate squared
Randall – initially suggesting cubed however some simple maths dictates that 125 pints to nominate may be a bit excessive
4 – petty
16 – dished out accordingly to the writers of such a poor supergamble (probert 3, choppy 3, roche 2)
Flip Cup – a new circle game taking a similar format to darts, only the teams must wack and then flip their pint cup and upon successful completion of the flip, the next member can go
3 clean first time flips in a row – 3 to nominate
The number of people the losing team loses by – also equates to that many to nominate
Losing team – wacks again
Flip Cup – decent, and with a few tweaks could become a circle staple
Merriman – disagrees due to his love of darts
New Game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – Probert Double vs Merriman Single
Back a winner – fierce
Bromance – dead
Merriman – sends his one pint in a new PB of 13 seconds
Probert – halfway through his second as he admits defeat
DDM – good fun
Bozza – losing to chattle
Bozza – readying to go again when the ‘we’ve got Salah’ chant begins
The next 15 mins – spent chanting the song
Song Writing Committee – having time to meet up and change the words to incorporate clubmen
Sittampalam – predictable
Boz – attempting to start duck duck moose on several occasions as the chant draws to a close before someone started again
New Game – Kraus’ Cricket
Gamble – The Sean Merriman Powerplay
Merriman – putting the disappointment of his last powerplay behind him as he steps into circle however just as he is about to start the banging for gentlemen, a chair flies across circle and sends the bin flying
The Ghost of Dan Lewis – present
Merriman – undeterred
GENTLEMEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!! – so big it hurt
Ballo – pelting Mez with cups
Merriman – attempts to throw the cup back and misses
Circle – joining in, absolutely hurling anything that came to hand
Tasty – upon noticing that the express had taken the approach of throwing back whatever was thrown at him, made an incredible discovery
Merriman – upon returning fire of 3 individual cups, had missed the target by quite some distance
Wooooo’s – still going on as Merriman tries to wrestle back control
Tasty – “Oi Randall, watch this… Merriman will pick up this cup and miss whoever he throws it at, regardless of how close he is to them”
Randall – in denial
Merriman – as yet another cup hits him in the head, he gets to within an inch of Sash before launching the cup at him
Sash – quite a big target
Merriman – misses by such an incredible distance when it seemed easier to hit
Randall & Tasty – in hysterics as Merriman proceeds to miss a grand total of 8 throw backs in a row
Boz – incensed by Tasty’s consistent elbowing of him, and Mezza’s ineptitude, sends a cup of his own across circle and pings Murphy in the face
Murphy – RIP
Randall, Tasty – Creasing
Merriman – finally calls for the gamble pot
The Express – “WHO WANTS A GAMBLE”
The excitement – gets to Merriman as he gestures with his hands as to who would like to gamble
Gambles – fly out of the gamble pot
Merriman – on his hands and knees picking all of the gambles up
Circle – uncontrollable
Gamble – Darcy Coop Wack off
DC Wack Off – involving two lovers of the same girl (Randall & Gemes) in a wack off
Winner – gets the girl
Loser – just a loser
Back a winner – a measly two men backing Gemes, clearly not realising Randall’s lust
Gemes – losing by a fair way
Boz – Having accidentally put the ‘Double Guinness Shoeboat’ into the regular gamble pot, now picks it out. Karma.
Boz – Eating the gamble
Mez – Not fooled, as only one gamble would elicit such a reaction
Boz – saved by the lack of Guinness on tap, instead settling for a regular double shoeboat
Kraus’ Cricket – circle not really paying attention as thresholds are set at 50, 75 and 100
UWMCC – all out for 49
Mez – fuming, demanding that everyone wacks
Circle – having none of it as Randall calls recess

Question – can we get 4 people in the hole?
Proposal – 2 hockey fresh, 2 cricket fresh are bundled into the hole and have a mini boat race
Reality – can you even get more than one person in the hole?
Gemes – realising that he has his graduation tomorrow at 12:30 and shouldn’t be as sent as he is
Randall – also noticing that Gemes has his graduation at 12:30 and could be even more sent
Ballo – revealing that he has finally encountered a circle enforced chunder, 3 years into his career

3rd Session
Pooie – banging the table unnecessarily hard and knocking all of the pints off
Raj – infuriated, sends the table into circle
Pooie – running away to the Looie
New Game – ICICN
Gamble – Virat Kohli DRS Challenge
VKDRSC – involving a triple as it’s the same number of red lights that Kohli often sees upon his referrals
Whoever did it – heroic effort at this late stage
ICICN – Capital cities in the northern hemisphere, Clubmen with a Juan and some various other bang av ones
Sander – trying really hard to name 50
Sander – unfortunately not the only 50 he will never reach
Murphy – “Cardiff isn’t a capital city”
Debate – furious
Murphy – doubling for unbearable chat
New Game – 1 Fat Frog
Gamble – Exec 1 min challenge
Exec – no longer in a position of power
7 exec = 15 pint target
Timmo – “shotgun not 3”
Exec – managing 15
1FF – descending into chaos as the fresh still don’t realise that two people need to stand up on the 2nd round
Ling – saying the right thing but getting the actions so so wrong
Southern Jono – deciding to say frog in Hebrew
Pints – polished off
Gamble – for the remaining few
Chattle – Lecture Wackture
Chattle – having to down a pint in his next lecture (Monday) and record it
Micro-circle – none

Megamix – Big with Tasty drafted in for old time’s sake
Chicago – producing a disappointing and predictable hard drive
Pop! – invaded by many
Many others – awaiting to see who would actually claim the prized scalp of Darcy
Gemes – grafting
Randall – succeeding
Gemes – has the last laugh as he is staying at Randall’s, curtailing any chance of a chop
Northern Jono – losing his shirt somehow at the front of pop
Tie – still on
Kieran Patel – bringing many females to pop and auctioning them off to the highest bidder
Harry – sees his opportunity and makes a move, this time taking his girl somewhere private so that she would not be stolen this time
Louie – stealing Randall’s EAW card and buying himself and another girl multiple drinks
Tasty – finally realising that he’s being played at his own game by a girl and turning down another girl in order to continue his rocky chirpse
Waisty – a wasted chance and also appropriately named
Thor – disappearing way too early on a regular basis in order to be a true cheeky
Randall – also leaving early in order to finish his essay
Dyson – trying to find his elusive hand job friend at the front of pop
Front of Pop – also occupied by the trannie that Toby got with last week
Fresh – being devious and trying to take pictures and dance with him/her/it
Tranny – not a suitable term so my apologies to our transsexual sec Merriman
Timmo – ending up in bed naked with 2 girls
Girls – not naked
Threesome – more of an odd experience for Tim who was just a bit hot under the covers
Murphy – asking Choppy what single life was like
Murphy – clearly missing it
Rory – worried about club meal next week
Roche – can’t wait
UWMCC – rolling on

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