“so that’s 25 votes for performance sport and 0 for not performance sport”
Lewis – regretting the decision to hold an EGM for the club to decide whether to become a performance sport
Club – deciding on an early duck/PCP to celebrate week 10 and all its seshliness
PCP – filling up
Tour Ties – proudly on show for the Darbados bound crew
Return of the Old Boys – also happening
J$, Larks, Yeti, Hall, Clayden – taking the week 10 plunge back into categorically fucking up your Thursday
Kinners – working miracles to get 7 clubmen in on the ever depleting guest-list
Tickets – being frantically scrounged right up to the 8pm deadline
Randall – taking Roche and Stash Abbasi up for table bitch duties early in anticipation for a large one
The Trio – smashing it although struggling to work out a good shape for the size and space allocated
New shape – squircle
Men – charging upstairs with purple in hand
UWMCC – yet again ready to go at 8:10
Woo’s – never ending
Old boys – can’t fathom why they won’t stop
Randall – “they’ll tire themselves out in a bit”
Kinners – given 7 to nominate for his heroics and smashing the corner early doors
Old Boys – also given a wack to welcome them back
Raj – also deciding to wack because he was old and setting off a 4th year/postgrad wack
Circle Size – rumours of 60?
MOTW – quality over quantity
Owen – nominated for the notorious post circle facetime with Poopam the previous week. Upon returning home from Pop, Owen receives a call from Poopam and after some questionable deep breathing, Owen suspects that she is having a little play with herself as he is quoted to of said, “I know that type of breathing”. As the screen was pitch black, this was quite a sweeping assumption but to compound matters, and before Poopam had a chance to explain the deep breathing, Owen quickly follows up with, “don’t worry, im having a little play too” quite clearly brandishing his cock on facetime. The rest? Who cares.
Dan Lewis – nominated for week 7 muppetry. After spying a rogue Uni ID in a girls back pocket in POP, Lewis decides to steal said Uni ID and take Raj to the bar. He asks how much is on the card and after finding out that the poor girl had presumably just topped up with a round £10, he proceeds to order 5 jager bombs and send them before snapping the card in half and destroying the evidence. My Cheeky.
Wack Off – duh
Owen – losing and giving the people what they really wanted
Merriman – barely fitting into the dress as a bantam weight
Owen – superheavyweight muppet of the world and unsurprisingly needing half of circle to help him get into le dress
Sander – wacking because it was his B’day and he had a shit belt on
New Game – Mexican Wack Off Game
Gamble – diabetic brain relay
DBR – most certainly saved for 3rd
Mexican Wack Off – a poor choice considering circle size and shape
Many – doubling with a real slow patch through the middle
Speed – quickening towards the end with Tasty becoming increasingly panicked
Tequila2 – Rhino
New Game – 20+1
Gamble (Ridge) – Crutch wack
Probert – rendered useless after his recent ACL op and on crutches
Pint cup – can most certainly be held by the arm hole
Ridge – doing a straight crutch wack with the crutch on the longest setting, getting absolutely covered in the process
Merriman – punished for a shit gamble
20+1 – slow with such a big circle
New Rules – old boys (not in the circle) are multiples of 4, European Capitals are multiples of 6
Merriman – stitching his table by saying 20 and setting off a 4 in a row as opposed to being a good bloke and doubling to give himself a new rule
New Game – Tiner
Gamble (Mallows) – Egg and Spoon
Egg and Spoon – quality gamble, 2 creme eggs, 2 sporks, 2 competitors
Merriman – selected
Course – a figure of 8 around the squircle for the pair to navigate around
5 laps – before unwrapping and eating the creme egg and scoffing it, first person with a clear mouth wins
Each drop = 1 wack
Back a winner – 95% of circle backing Mallows
Merriman – surprisingly good and coordinated, sending Mallows with ease with only 1 drop
Circle – sending pints at the pair, trying to send the eggs from the sporks
Mallows – casualty
Mallows – doubling
Mez – winning
Circle – wacking
Tinder – seeing off pints with ease
Yeti – noticing that Randall still has 2 left
Randall – making sure that he matched with the Yeti in the super like round
Thor – being put in the hole despite his postgrad protestations
Postgrads – still fucking fresh
Timmo – sealing the hole with Thor still inside
Southern Jono – coming in for a tacky chun
Thor – finally managing to release himself to Southern Jono’s surprise

Roach – doubling for his final time of the term, the 10 week sentence finally running its course
Sander – wacking for his bday again
New Game – PLD
SuperGamble (Krish) – Deconstructed Quad
Deconstructed Quad – 1 pint of lager, 1 pint of cider, 1 pint of pure squash and 1 pint of water
Krish – fucked, completing his challenge before edging toward the toilets
Cheerio – starting up before Krish surprises everyone and comes back to circle
Second Wind – lasting all of 20 seconds before he makes a bee-line back toward the toilet
PLD – a tough contest for some at the extremities of squircle
Team Rory – schlotting a 5 in a row vs Team Hall
Team Hall – sitting down for their game and suffering the consequences
Team Yeti – still convinced that they’ve never lost a game of PLD
Enter – Aragog
Team Yeti – losing with ease
New Game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – Old Boy vs Finalist Boat Race
Yeti, Hall, Larkins & Clayden vs Tasty, Turner, Probert and Chattle – a complete stalemate
Refined version – J$ & Larkins vs Tasty & Turner
Another draw – inevitable
The teams – will never be separated with old boys convinced that they’ll never be beaten again
DDM – Sash Abassi clearing up
Sesh Abbasi – staking his claim for the next fastest after the 3rd years leave
Mihir – poor despite some clear strategic planning
Rest of the game – gash with such a big circle
New Game – 1 Fat Frog
Gamble – Fresh 1 Min Challenge
Target – 45 between 20 present freshers
38 – achieved with 7 needing to be made up
Ballo – stepping in with 1 while the rest are made up by the more able fresh
1FF – yet again useless with UWMCC absolutely fucking up at every turn
Many – confused and starting the wrong game after one
Marcin – signalling a 6 with a rogue and low percentage guess
Rav – in a world of trouble, with the person next to him starting the game with “One”
Rav – convinced that he needs to make Inth stand up with him while screaming “TWOOOO”
Inth – not convinced
Game – regularly getting lost around the pillar at the back corner of circle
Jinesh and Thor – sort your shit outttttttttt
Recess – finally
Bar – running out of spare pint cups so handing out the mini cups to help mix purple
Many Clubmen – using this as an opportunity to be sneaky and do tiny wacks
VK’s – smuggled in as per
VK hiding places – becoming ever more inventive with Louie and Rhino climbing to the top of Disco Dave’s speaker system to hide them
The back stage – becoming a frequent passage for sesh hungry pilgrims with the SU allowing due to serous CR2 overcrowding
Owen – emerging from the toilets with the dress having been fully mutilated after he ‘exhaled’

Sander – wacking for his bday
Gamble – Larkins Powerplay
Circle – losing their shit at the inevitable as Larks takes centre stage
Larkins – seemingly losing his voice as most of circle can’t hear him
Olly Warwick – brandishing the midget gems and launching them in all directions
Mihir – acting as a deflector, edging gems into pints for fun
Larkins – taking 20 minutes to actually play a game
New Game – Roman Numerals
Circle – officially disjointed with many micro circles breaking out whilst still attempting to play the main circle game
Classic Train and Motorbus – breaking out
Many – going to the toilet to come back and find Owen running circle
How? – nobody knows
3rd session – a genuine myth
Owen – relishing his first go in the middle
Olly – creating a beer-snake and wacking out of the top cup, showing real skill considering sesh levels
Speed 20+1 – table wack and leave enforced
Micro-circle – quickly formed from many colony circles
Bouncers – wondering why Owen is running circle and are too scared to ask, allowing micro circle to run
Megamix – forming with strong old boy presence
Rhino – offering to buy Olly a couple of VK’s for a race
Rhino – deciding to put both VKs in one hand and whilst sending one, he continues to pour the other one down himself and can’t fathom why he is soaking
Dan Lewis – in his standard sent state post pop and ‘accidently’ completely sending a pint over Kate Wood
Bexson – receiving a text reading, “why have you just got one of your cricket minions to throw a pint over me?”
Bex – hysterically texting half of the club in an attempt to find the culprit and commend them
Lewis – taking the plaudits, my cheeky
Ridge – taking out the womens social sec with an RKO out of nowhere
Curtis – having an absolute ‘Juan’ crisis and running home very fast
Rav – being odds onned by Roche to get with Sophia Abbasi
Rav – losing and very game
Sash – not so game, intercepting to save his sister
The aim – to turn Sophia into the club ‘cougar’ like in Blue Mountain State
Old Boys – feeling it at this stage, with J$ trying to get some Jagers flowing
Randall – going up to a girl who was baling her eyes out in the smoking area and begins to sing “why the fuck you cryyyyying”
Randall – getting a slap and evacuating
Timmo – taking Owen over to two of his pulls (including Poopam) from this term and asking Owen to answer “who’s the better kisser?”
Owen – blushing and giving the diplomatic answer
Timmo – not having any of it and bringing up the facetime incident
Poopam – attempting to explain that Owen just whipped his cock out mid facetime out of nowhere
Owen – compromised
Rory – saving the situation by giving odds to Owen that he could go up to another member of the general Rouge Bar population (getting with a guy) and stopping them mid pull and saying “wtf im the best kisser in the whole of Pop
Owen – losing and trotting off for yet another chapter of the now famous sitcom Everybody Loves Owen
Rory – chuffed that he’s won odds and drop kicks a VK straight into a girls leg
Rory – drop kicked out of Pop by Baz
Term 2 Pop – drawing to a close
Old Boys – bid farewell but at this point, many know that the night only gets more rogue at this point
Ballo – taking the plunge and staying on campus with Randall this week
Randall – staying on as he had a presentation in the morning at 9am
Fresh – making their way back to AV2 for another instalment of Southern Jono hosts posts
Randall – immediately falling asleep in an AV bedroom cupboard
Collins – spraying half a can of deodorant in a girls face to make her leave
Southern Jono – living with the Lacrosse social sec for next year as she is told that she has the power to change Lacrosse for the better
Ballo – chirpsing hard but also falling asleep
Olly Warwick – making his way back to his room and forgetting his key
Olly – sleeping in a Tocil flower bed all night, waking up and wondering where the fuck he is
The same fate – suffered by Randall and Ballo
Old Boys – staying at the Cartel, much like a hoard of illegal immigrants all stuffed into Bozza’s room
Bozza – returning from Aus but not coming to Circle…Any?
Term 2 – finished, rogueness levels off the chart

Now for some posh boys to go on tour…

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