Exec meeting – the 1st for the new exec
Dan Lewis – leaving extra early to guarantee punctuality, meeting Choppy and Tasty on the bus
Choppy – gutted about missing Kasbah on Monday, having to instead journey home from a speed awareness course
Dan – supposedly sending Choppy pictures of various roadsigns throughout the night whilst sending Jagers at Kassy B
Choppy – successfully identifying all the roadsigns despite being high off some particularly potent weed (including the one to the right)
Choppy – “I was telling Guj about the weed and he suggested that I step it up for Dom Tour with a bit of Acid”
Guj – supposedly promoting the fact that he was deaf for 30 minutes on his last trip
Choppy – “Not gonna lie I’m not sure that’s what I want”
Dom tour chat – making non-tourists extremely jealous
Sport modules – supposedly kimming many students, marks being considerably lower than expected
Kinners – “I guess if you go through the entire year writing purely about football, then you can’t really expect to get a first”
PCP – relocated to the pool room
Pool room – dominated by the UWMCC
Larkins – bringing his brother along to circle
Alex – managing to leave his bag on the train on his way into Leam and having to go back to Banbury to collect it
Forgetting his bag – early signs that Alex may be as loose as his brother
Tasty – shirking his setting up responsibilities over to new Social Sec Randall and Timmo
Gemes – wanting to get the Gemes vs. Tasty showdown back into the pot
Tasty – eventually deciding to go and help the fresh set up
CR2 – looking majestic
Circle – large
Lacrosse – overestimating the size of their circle as per usual, trying to dominate the entirety of CR2
Lacrosse – whoppers
Cricket – filtering their way in
Banging – building
Tasty – getting ready for his final gentlemen
Bexson – “are we waiting for anyone”
Adithya – still at the bar waiting for purples
Banging – getting louder
Adithya – realising that he won’t make the start of circle, seen banging on the bar instead
Tasty – building everyone up
GENTLEMEN!!! – The loudest of the year so far
Emotions – already starting to show
Woooooos – going on for at least 5 mins
Chain wacking – once again in force as per final circle tradition
Hammond – with a fuck-off massive chain, essentially causing 10+ people to drink due to J$
MOTW – numerous nominations
Gemes – once again continuing his recent spurt of nominations, being nominated for social media antics. Despite looking like a generally decent bloke earlier this week by uploading a post thanking the UWMCC for his year, it was just so fucking wet.
Guj – nominated for driving to MacDonald’s post bowling/smack pres, despite being severely over the limit. He then failed to heed Gemes’s warning about a traffic control area outside of Station House and had to make an emergency swerve to avoid a policeman, all in the aid of the sweet sweet maccies
Gemes – unsurprisingly taking it on cheers alone, starting this weeks circle as the last few have been, with sesh
Muppet of the Year – 5 nominations made
Tasty – nominated by Turner for failing to get mupdates out at an appropriate time for pretty much the entirety of the year (apologies people)
Bozza – nominated for sacking off his job as P+C for the better part of a term for his exams #2ndtermtocome
Murphy – nominated for his unbearable appearance at week 8 circle whereby he turned up in stash, got absolutely battered and proceeded to lose even the support of his girlfriend, who left him to cricket to look after
Gemes – nominated for the variety of teams on Don Bradman that he has lost to throughout the year including the likes of Zimbabwe and Hong Kong
Dan Lewis – nominated for his post exec circle antics whereby he threw his girlfriend into the road for laughing at him falling over and then proceeded to react to his felled girlfriend by sprinting off to Vialli’s
Cheers – equally loud for everyone
5-way wack off – the result
Murphy – the eventual recipient of Muppet of the Year, forced to don the dress for the final POP
5-Way wack off – beginning chains as Tasty, Boz and Dan all send pints through their respective chains
New game – 20+1
Gamble – Kinners – Left and Right Brain Relay
Circle – agreeing that sesh levels needed to be higher before balls come out
20+1 – quickly reaching the first new rule
Sander – swapping 5 and 10 with ‘to my left’ and ‘to my right’ respectively
New rule – the beginning of the demise of circle
20+1 – not reached again for a long time
Hammond – upon realising the length of his chain, purposely getting it wrong
Hammond – a sneaky cunt
Half the circle – out getting new sets of pints within the first 15 minutes
Sander’s Rule – abolished
New rule – chains are reversed
Kinners – looking to get some sweet revenge, also getting it wrong on purpose to stitch Hammond back
New game – Kraus’s Cricket
Gamble – Guj – Double Gamble Wack
Cheers – unanimous
Guj – looking worried
Circle – making sure that the pints are not a Gujar special (1/3 pint at best)
Gamble – Non-dom tour double
Guj – counting his lucky stars that he is actually going
Guj – quickly realising that he still has another pint to do, no longer looking so smug
Randall – laughing at Tasty for having to double
Tasty – laughing at Randall for being in his chain
Karma – sweet
Kraus’s cricket – getting off to an absolute flyer, no wickets falling for the first 20 runs
Will O’Farrell – absent at the time, perhaps the reason for this strong start
Collapse – inevitable and rapid
Ton – reached for the first time in a while
Everyone – applauding, not realising what this meant for those who had lost
Tasty – “Lads, you are all out for 102. If you are standing, then you are tripling”
Randall – in shock
Pints – slow to go down
Gamble – Gemes – Pick the next game
Tasty – realising that his last ever game as social sec will no longer be of his choice
Gemes – a good bloke, agreeing on a game with Tasty
New game – Duck, Duck Moose
Merriman – sighing
Gemes – choosing based on chain length, Hammond being his target
Goodyear – also being targeted heavily in the game due to his captains chain
D,DM – coming to an end
Tasty’s 4th Reich – also reaching it’s conclusion
Recess – called
Circle – standing up to applaud Tasty’s circle exit
Bexson – “wack and leave”
Tasty – obliging, sending his final pint as Social Sec and leaving
Randall’s era – beginning
1st Recess
Choppy – having a convo with Tasty regarding his love life
Choppy – having recently been contacted by his ex is finding it difficult to not respond
Tasty – not quite in the same league, is struggling to not like Kelly-Anne’s latest instagram post
Choppy – “we shall make a pact. We will not reply to them”
Tasty – in agreement
10 minutes pass
Choppy – “Taste mate, I couldn’t help it mate, I just replied to her”
Tasty – “Choppy, I can’t lie to you. I may have just liked her post”
Choppy – “for fuck’s sake we are useless”
Big Choppy and Little Tasty – wet
Banging – commencing
Randall – inviting Tasty back into middle of circle
Gentlemen – raucous
Handover – complete with wack
Chair – flies across circle
Lewis – who else?
Kinners – looking sheepish, pleading with Randall that either he nor Murphy is sent enough for some sweet ball on ball action
Brain Relay – enforced with chants of get your balls out being sent round the circle
Lacrosse – regretting their move out of chill out with some horrified faces
New Game – Premier League Darts
Super Gamble (Larkins) – golden ticket & get out of wack free card
Crowd – displeased
Larkins – to the tune of: pointless locations in the midlands
Leek Wotton – indeed pointless
PLD – controversy as Team Den schlots 4 and Team Sander schlots 5 despite Sander throwing half his pint in the bin
Negotiations – losing team den drink with Sander
Rest of PLD – uneventful with new slim line bin kimming many aspiring darts players
New Game – Home or Away
Gamble (Bozza) – too close to call
Bozza – electing himself vs Turner for ultimate P&C pride
Race – indeed to close to call as the first round ends in a draw, the crowd baying for more
Curtis – decides to change his mind with regards his support for Turner, knowing that Bozza’s stamina is stronger
2nd Round – Bozza, with fire in his eyes, sends Turner
Pride – restored
Bozza – 10 to nominate
Gemes – unsurprisingly the recipient of a double
The Den – picking up the rest
HoA – written by el capitan many weeks ago
Away questions – proving difficult after heavy chain related sesh
Roche – no danger of naming 2/3 of the non-british eu ryder cup captains
Hall – disgruntled
Hall – takes on an away and fails to name the infamous third member of the Apollo 11 crew
Michael Collins – who?
To the tune of – you’re just a gary and you know it
New Game – ICICN
Gamble (Rooty) – thursday morning double
TMD – does exactly what it says on the tin, awaiting video evidence
Larkins – ICICN clubmen known by their first name
Kinners – rattling through
Mihir, Aneesh & Rhys – any of a nickname?
Nikhil – refused as he is more commonly known as Nick Hill
ICICN – teams that Gemes has lost to on Don Bradman cricket
9 claimed – 8 named
Zimbabwe – an ever improving cricketing nation under Mugabe’s strict regime
Lewis – ICICN horcruxes from Harry Potter
Goodyear – licking his lips
Larkins – claimed before it could reach Harry Potter himself
Larkins – “I’ve never seen Harry Potter… Steve?”
Steve – not a horcrux
BANG – danger chair strikes
Rooty – see ya
New Game – Face down eyes up
Gamble (Jon Mark Samuel) – Son Jark Manuel
Mon Sark – has to wack for as long as the Son Jark song is sung
Song – still reverberating around CR2 with many clubmen battling for the role of the Tenor without the strong chords of Ferdi
FDEU – Uneventful with few matches
2nd Recess
3rd session – Randall ushers finalists into middle
Gentlemen – anarchy
Finalists – wacking together
Guj – revelling the power of the middle of circle
Hall – loses his chair in the process
Random girl – gives long Jon a chair
Hall – thankful, sits on the chair
Chair – not just any chair
Danger Chair – dangerous
Muppet of the Week – Reopened as news had filtered through that Choppy had got off with a full blown transvestite mid-week
Choppy – “I swear she was an actual woman… she just looked like a man”
Turner – sees an opportunity to re-nominate Gemes
Goodyear – also nominated for having no trousers of his own so asking Turner for a pair of chinos
Chinos – garish as per
Winner – clearly Choppy, donning Bozza’s famed shorts out of nowhere with much more room to spare without the mystical arse of Bozza to fill them out
New Game – Heads or Tails
Gamble (Lippiatt) – Watering Can Wack
WCW – A Randall/Ozanne invention where the gambler sits mid circle whilst purple is poured out of the can aimed at the mouth to essentially grow a seshmen
Bex – selected as pourer
Lippiatt – well and truly watered
H/T – Claiming many victims
New Game – One Fat Frog
Gamble (Murphy) – Upside Down Wack
Torture – still present in circle despite Tasty’s departure
Murphy – survives against the odds
1FF – useless despite the clubs performance last week
UWMCC – barely making it past round one
New game – a struggle
Randall – needs to learn some more circle games so instead invites Bexson into circle for an appreciation wack
Tune – Bexson is our cunt
Gamble – whole club 1 min challenge
Target – set at 40 due to a limited number of pints left
Target – probably reached, lost count at 25
Foundation Year – work in progress
Speed 20+1 – Micro circles forming to polish off final pints
Tasty – Victorious despite no one giving a shit
Circle – Over for the year
POP – Looming
POP!
Randall – rallying troops for megamix
Megamix – Gun with all the songs coming out
German Bombers – shot down by Sittampalam
Front – locked down for the final time
Disco Dave – on fine form
Jon Hall – receiving at least 12 shoutouts
Health and Welfare stand – occupied by Randall and Roche as per
Biscuits and popcorn – sent at anyone not wearing a tie
Chloe Wynne – producing 6 apples for an apple off
Apple off – fiercely contested between Roche, Hall, J$ and Hammond
Winner – escapes me as most cores were also sent into the crowds
Randall – Blowing up a condom filled with bourbons and proceeding to hit innocent civilians
Randall – kicked off the welfare stand for good
POP – emotional as fuck
Tears – shed by every departing member of UWMCC with Bex, Goodyear and Gemes being the main culprits
Every departing member – apart from J$
J$ – true to form showing absolutely no emotion
Tasty – also crying as Kelly Anne was spotted
Angels – a fitting finale
Chants – don’t take me home breaking out
Gemes – can someone please take him home?
2nd Megamix
Piazza – filling up with emotional clubmen and shitcunts from other sports
UWMCC – commendable turnout after heavy heavy night with tears flowing
Megamix – smashed by all
Speeches and goodbyes – aplenty despite the looming dom tour
Last Bus – missed by most
One final GENTLEMEN!! – a suitable send off for some fine, yet seshed clubmen
Bex & Goodyear – finding themselves at Sicilians which in the past has been accused of selling pizza’s out of the back door to avoid licencing laws
Sicilians – employing new tactic of making pizzas in the dark
Licence – not required if you can’t see pizzas being sold
The lads – finding themselves standing in the dark with around 10 others
Harry & Draco – any of the lumos spell?
Post POP! – Trouble at the Den
Bexson – sees a rogue tennis ball that he can’t quite retrieve
Goodyear – decides to give Bex a hand by removing a tree from the back yard of the den and somehow the pair manage to retrieve the tennis ball
Bex – proceeds to launch said ball through an open window not belonging to any den member
The Den – upon thinking that there was a lit afterparty, make their way down to find Goodyear and Bex fucking shit up and running at them, using the felled tree as a lance
Landlord – shows up next morning and kicks off at last night’s antics, threatening to press charges for criminal damages
Son Jark – ever the diplomat, asks for CCTV footage
Landlord – produces footage of a Harry Potter lookalike wearing bright red chinos running round the back garden wielding a tree
Mugyear – caught red trousered
Landlord – calls Goodyear and negotiates a £285 fine and no charges
Trees – expensive
Clubmen – loose
Den – looser
UWMCC – until next year