Bozza and Larkins – hacking it around Newbold Comyn golf course all afternoon
Gujar – also shelling out the £5 green fee with his mate, Suraj. Due to the latter finishing exams, both were taking as many shots from a bottle of single malt whiskey as they were with their rented 7-irons. Joining Bozza and Larkins on the eighteenth, sent.
Nish – returning from his year abroad with some dirty facial hair. Larkins and Gujar literally retching after touching his ‘beard’.
Present day ABG – ‘Randall has passed from drunk to hungover and it’s not pretty.’
Present day Randall – driving home to Hampshire, possibly still over the limit
Present day Den – not envious of Bozza, vegetating in labs and not even allowed to bring in a bottle of water
ABG – ‘it’s amazing that you’re not allowed water in labs but someone as chemically imbalanced as Bozza can be in there’
Bexson – setting up circle in Larkins’ bus-related absence
Goodyear – turning up to circle with a chic pair of glasses, looking like Neville Longbottom
Jaimin – demanding credit for the comparison, accusing Larkins of ‘stealing all my memes’
Bexson – accosted by the Copper Rooms venue manager, informed of allegations against cricket of toilet roof pane smashing in week 3
Hockey – the likely culprits. Good to see the two clubs’ tradition of blaming each other for misdemeanours is alive and well
Bexson – ‘long story short, the manager wanted us to know that vandalism is bad’
Lawson – the only second year at circle
Circle – sixteen people, relatively small
MOTW – true to his name, Choppy Lawson nominated for chopping a girl with a boyfriend. A typically curt nomination from Jaimin, precious few details forthcoming. Was the shack left clean? Was it a pint-sized one or a massive family pack? We’ll never know.
Gujar – nominated for the previous night’s antics in his beloved Smack. Never one for a quiet night, Gujar staggers into brownstairs completely sent. After redecorating the toilets with his dinner, he decides that it is probably for the best to head home. However, having gone out without his keys, he arrives at the Den only to find that he is locked out. Out of courtesy for John – still studying for exams at the time – he refuses to knock on the door. He attempts to call all the Den members, but Jaimin and Larkins are passed out in drunken stupors; Bexson and Bozza aren’t in. Gujar resigns himself to sleeping on the benches in the Den courtyard, but can only hack 20 minutes of sleeping rough. Finally, after wandering Radford Road he finds a friend from Smack, also passed out. Gujar drags his mate home and after walking miles south, finally he has a bed to sleep in.
Bozza – also nominating Gujar for coming to circle despite having to drive to the airport almost immediately after the end of POP!
Gujar – winning comfortably. Vomming within ten minutes of circle starting
Bexson – wacking for forgetting the dress
Jewson – ‘can we just sit down and have a debate about cricket’
Who Wants a Trivia – getting circle going
Gamble – Choppy Lawson picking out the ‘Triathlon’. Nominating Jaimin to join him. A Gemes/ABG/Goodyear invention, the two participants had to race to CR2 bar, do a VK; downstairs to Rouge Bar for a VK; back to circle for a pint. Start set for second session.
WWAT – Bozza given a real badger’s question: the year of South Africa’s readmission into international cricket? 1992. Adam Voges’ average against the West Indies? Jewson far too conservative with 80; actually 542. ABG struggling to name the only English batsmen to have an average over fifty – Jonathan Trott. How many ODI centuries does Virat Kohli (shit bloke) have, +/- 1? Gemes successfully guessing 28, Kohli with just the 27 hundreds.
Bozza – always good for some good trivia
New game – darts
Gemes – gambling and picking out the ‘give Jaimin your week 8 circle ticket’. With suspicions of foul play, Gemes forced to gamble again. Picking out the ‘danger circle nominate double’… Gemes unable to explain his own gamble so forced to gamble again. Wacking for shit gamble. Third time lucky? Nope. Picking out the ‘dye or not’ gamble – another Gemes invention – based on some kind of back-a-winner for whether Bexson dyes his hair. Wacking and gambling again. Perhaps fittingly, picking out the ‘post
grad’s revenge’, giving Jewson, Walker and Gemes pints to nominate.
Gemes – in a world of trouble, on a road leading straight to the SU medics’ room
Darts – the new steel bin proving much harder to schlott cups
Goodyear – wacking to the Harry Potter theme tune
ABG – wacking to the tune of ‘you’re just a shit Seb Gemes’
Darts – otherwise quite standard
New game – roman numerals
Jaimin – ‘Curtis Delight’
Gamble – second year one minute challenge
Choppy – being the only second year, now having to do the triathlon and a one minute challenge
UWMCC – horrific start to the game, unable to get past VI
Bexson – suggesting that everyone wacks should circle fail to reach XXI
Crine – getting it wrong on XIX, precipitating collective groans/abuse
Rule change – VII to XIII reversed. Predictably, causing havoc
Larkins – bringing first session to an end
ABG – ‘give me a number between 0 and 100’
Bexson – ‘99’
ABG – proceeding to swipe right 99 times on Tinder, running out of likes on 93. Stacey from Kenilworth described as ‘looking like a foot’
Adithya – revealing he was coming on Dom Tour to the delight of the other dom tourists.
Adi – grave concern on his face, ‘as a fresher, should I be worried?’
Larkins – hadn’t the heart to sting Adi along, quashing any fears of fresher abuse a la Men’s Rugby
Second session – beginning with Jaimin and Choppy’s Triathlon.
Jewson – attempting to set up a betting exchange in circle, hadn’t heard Larkins’ call for back a winner
Jewson – offering evens for a Choppy victory
Jaimin and Choppy – agreeing beforehand to walk the entire course. Met with hostility from circlers
Bexson – describing the move as ‘the most Jaimin thing I’ve ever seen’
Jaimin – ‘losing’ to Choppy
Choppy – doing his one minute challenge right after the Triathlon
New game – cricket
Gamble – Gujar’s mate Suraj thrusting out his hand, with Rouge Bar desperately trying to explain the premise of the Super Gamble. Blissful in ignorance, Suraj picks out the ‘triple triple’. Will have to triple at the start of second session for three weeks running. Brutal stuff
UWMCC – Jaimin caught at mid-off for a duck, 3-1
Mihir – pointing out that Larkins’ hair grew aysmetrically at the back
Mihir – ‘I just wanted to recommend a different barber’
Futsal whoppers – stealing Mihir’s pints while he was in the toilet
UWMCC – regular wickets, declared all out on 65
Mihir – calling out Larkins’ inability to count, ‘has someone retired hurt?’ UWMCC actually nine down
Jewson – angry at the irrationality of signalling anything other than a block when unsure in cricket
Circle – hopes of some lower order resistance. Nay dange. 72 all out
Everyone – wacking as punishment
Larkins – ‘in silence’
Larkins – taking a worryingly long time to fathom the absurdity of the statement
New game – reverse Sherwin ball
ABG – picking out the golden ticket. More groans
Bozza – shouting numbers before Larkins had given circle a target, wacking
New game – I Claim I Can Name
Memory – struggling
Bozza – done for cheating after Gujar claimed on eight UWMCC member to have scored over 40 this season. Waving frantically at Guj
Recess
Jaimin – claiming that his headlock is ‘unbreakable’
Nish – revealing that an American girl with whom he went travelling had had sex in the Sahara desert. Literally on a sand dune. She also had sex on a balcony the following day
Nish – with a slight knowing smile, ‘all American girls are loose’
Post-grads – beginning third session with a one minute challenge from an earlier gamble
Gemes – trouble afoot
Speed 20+1 – game of choice
Everyone – sent
Memory – struggling
SU security – keen to get everyone into downstairs Copper Rooms
Megamix – sacked off for lack of numbers
Gemes – spotted vomming in a bin by the SU medics, taken out for further inspection
Gemes – remarkably, managing to pass the medic inspection (lights in eyes, walking in a straight line etc.) and allowed back into the club
Tiger Woods – ‘any’
Tasty – ending up in POP!, VK in hand
Tasty – rumours of a chop summoning by Kelly-Anne. Rumours that the latter went back with Goodyear
Neville Longbottom – casting spells from the front of POP!
Walker – pioneering the post-circle drinking strategy of Coronas. A more refined drink than the VK, for a more cultured POP
Bozza and Larkins – going into Scillians for a £65,000 pizza. The Sicilians bloke proceeded to launch into chat with the pair about his experiences of working for Dominoes and Pizza Hut, and the ins and outs of the Leamington pizza market. Being completely battered, Bozza and Larkins couldn’t really follow what he was chatting, but the general gist of the conversation was to prioritise quality of pizza over price. From a man spotted selling pizza out of his back door to avoid licensing laws, a lecture in pizza selling strategy seemed slightly dodgy.
Sicilians bloke – bringing out vodka and pouring shots for himself, Bozza and Larkins
The pair – agreeing in the morning that it was one of the more bizarre fast-food experiences they had had
Humans of Leamington Spa – needs to be done