UWMCC- Starting the BUCS season with all 4 teams in action, 1s dismantling Oxford, 2s stalling chasing 170, best not to speak about the 3s and despite a valiant effort from Captain Bozza the 4s went down to Oxford Brookes
Clubmen- Having got cricket out of the way, now excited for the day’s main event…Circle!
Goodyear- “So this is how it feels to be a normal club on a Wednesday rather than just a bunch of degenerates”
PCP- Gradually growing in numbers as people trickle back in from games
PCP – intending to be Pre-circle Pinotage but plans falling apart due to the unsurprising absence of Lewis and Tasty, the Pinotage ring leaders
Bex and Nick Hill- Having to set up as Tasty still en route from Oxford Brookes
Bex- Standing on tables so that the horde of Ladies Hockey ‘Social Secs’ couldn’t take them
Hockey Girl- “Can I have 2?”
Bex- “You can have 0”
Hockey Girl- “What about 1?”
Bex- “Still 0 love”
Nick Hill- “Oi love…get fucked”
UWMCC- Eventually gifting one table having realised we have about 10
Bex and Nikhil- Made to look slightly stupid when nobody turned up to circle for about 20 minutes as everyone had tickets on other people’s cards
Curtis- First to arrive, ethnic diversity perfectly achieved
Others- Arriving and ruining the perfect split
Fresh- Good turnout, even Seb Sander gracing us with his presence
4s- Still a good 40 minutes away
Bex- Leading circle
Gentlemen etc…
1s players- Being given 1 to nominate each as the only team to have won
Guj’s mate- not at all bothering with the dress code, made to Wack, with the benefit of hindsight he should probably have been waterboarded with his bandana
J$- Upset
Everyone else- Bored of his complaining already
Various people- Wacking
MOTW Nominations- Bex nominated for throwing a Hayemaker at the wall in Kasbah on Monday and thus being unable to play Cricket on Wednesday, a pretty fair nomination
Bex- The only nomination, saving the club from a well of dullness, maybe he is a good bloke
Crowd- Chanting ‘Bexson is a Cunt’ the masses obviously still not convinced
New Game- 20+1
Gamble- Nominate a rainbow wack
Guj- nominating Curtis
20+1- fairly uneventful, some shit rules, some general incompetence, and the like
Goodyear- With everyone having been told that thy would be wacking if we could not get to 20+1 with just simple rules, proceeds to deliberately get it wrong
Everyone- Singles
Goodyear- Double
Curtis- back to complete his rainbow wack, taking an age (some say that Earth entered a new era in the time taken) and looking close to chundering for the duration, not a patch on the experienced Dan Lewis
Dan Lewis – in a twist about as shocking as Guj being kicked out of smack, turning up to circle late
Oh wait – neither of those are twists
Seb Gemes- Making it to circle before Lewis, having checked his cricket bag into the cloakroom
Seb- Agreeing to pad up if he chopped tonight
New Game- Premier League Darts
Gamble- Nominate a straight arm wack
Lewis- Oi Gujar
Gujar- taking his shirt off to reveal what can only be described as a rainforest and dumping the pint on his head
Arm- was it within the 15 degrees?
DRS- On review, just about okay
PLD- Pretty standard, no 180’s
New Game- Cricket
Gamble- Losing players double
2s,3s and 4s- All having to double
Cricket- a real poor start, 19-1 became 19-4 with Gujar not having explained the rules to his mates
Guj- Then giving it large when he finally got it right, oblivious to the fact that the whole escapade had been his fault
UWMCC- A middle order resurgence saved us from embarrassment with the club eventually being all out for 80ish, still pretty shit in a small circle
New Game- Heads of Tails
Gamble- Unmemorable… no literally no-one remembers
Tasty – making his entrance alongside the 4s
Bozza – wishing he had a bat so he could salute his entry, just like his 6
HoT- Just a couple of rounds to finish off pints

1st Recess

Recess – lengthy, allowing everyone who had just arrived to get ready for the impending sesh
Circle – now looking pretty full and taking up pretty much the entirety of CR2
Gentlemen – now a full contingent and gun
Circle – well and truly back
Freshers – having a one-minute challenge to complete
Fresh – a large contingent of 10, being set 26 as their target
Fresh – achieving 26
Bozza – given pints to nominate for his high score of 41
Bozza – sent pints for saluting a 6 with his bat
Gamble – Super gamble
SG – Murphy – W.M.D
Murphy – unbearably 5/6 on good/bad Super Gambles
New game – Tinder
Murphy – using his executive power to quickly enforce a 1-minute challenge, much to the despair of Goodyear
Guj – only managing 1 in the challenge and being rightly berated for his efforts by J$
Tinder – otherwise uneventful
Randall – “is there no superlike round this week?”
Tasty – “Sorry mate, I used it up earlier”
New game – ICICN
Gamble – Bozza – Double Guinness Wack
Bexson – delighted
Bozza – kindly accepting donations for the round and returning with 3 pints of Guinness
Bozza – sinking the first 2 pints before slowing sinking on the HMS Bowen himself
Gamble – Big Tasty Belly Button challenge
Bozza – experiencing real injustice, attempting the third pint before quickly departing to the toilet
ICICN – starting in the absence of Bozza
Bex – ICICN items of cricket equipment thrown by Goodyear when he got out
Guj’s mate – getting stitched, correctly identifying the majority (pretty much everything was thrown) but getting caught out by the thigh guard
Bozza – having returned from the toilet, sinks the 3rd pint of Guinness, making a swift sabbatical back to the toilet
Tasty’s belly button – still awaiting Bozza
ICICN – shots played by Guj today
Shots – very few
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Gamble – J$ – Wack to the future
WttF – J$ having to wack the number of pints for the year he is going to
J$ – trying to say 0 because he’s leaving
Rooty – the brainchild, deciding it should be 3
Duck Duck Moose – a struggle for some without Merriman as a backup option
Millman – seen as a suitable replacement for some
Tasty – wanting to get involved but finding no willing people
Tasty – starting off with himself and sending Lewis
Dan – struggling to relinquish control
Harry Riley – much improved speed since Cheeky Fresh, actually managing to send some cunts in a race
Pints – running low
Recess – called

2nd Recess

Gamble pot – going missing during recess
Tasty – pleased as he gets to now make up the gambles
Circle – back in session
Bozza – taking his place in the middle for the belly button challenge
Tasty – getting the darb out
Bozza – having to pick out a belly hair in his first drink, almost enough to induce more vomit
Bozza – eventually successful
New game – Reverse Sherwin
Gamble – Murphy – The Donation Pot!!!!
Donation – a Randall invention, polished by Tasty
Donation pot – involved Murphy entering the circle of another club, using his pint glass for an alms bowl. He must then perform an act and try to raise donations in the form of purple. If the other clubs are not happy with his performance, then they may dash him with purple. Failure to fill up a full pint with donations results in punishment whilst every pint he fills gives him 3 to nominate
Murphy – taking an odd choice of Iggy Azalea’s ‘Fancy’ into Ladies Hockey
Ladies Hockey – not impressed and sending huge cups of purple at him
Generosity – eventually picking up, allowing Murphy to fill up his cup before running out of the swarming females
Bexson – nailing Murphy with someone’s full pint
Murphy – sending a triple Bexson’s way
Murphy – unbearable
Bexson – still a cunt
RSB – pretty ordinary, a couple of rounds being played
New game – 1 Fat Slag
Gamble – Gemes – Golden Ticket
Everyone – wacking to the tune of “I wish it could be circle everyday” (see bulletin board for lyrics)
1FS – causing the regular political controversy, with Goodyear refusing to say slag
Tasty – “I’ll allow any interchangeable term, especially bint”
Randall – “What about Kelly-Anne?”
Tasty – sending pints in Randall’s direction
Guj’s mate – significantly better at 1FS than the majority of the UWMCC
New game – Speed 20+1
Gamble – Guj’s mate – Left and Right magic roundabout
Guj – the victim
Guj’s mate – spinning the wrong way round, causing the roundabout to be backwards and causing carnage
Microcircle – pretty regulation


Megamix – high volume of people, the resurgence is real
Everywhere we go – added to the roster to celebrate the win
Chicago – getting some originality for once, Murphy being bearable with a cracker of line
Murphy – “a woman came to the store one day asking for inches”
UWMCC – “Inches? From the store”
Murphy – “inches she wanted, Captain Bozza’s six she got”
UWMCC – losing shit and sending everyone
Cricket – locking down the front
Tasty – desperately pleading with Disco Dave for some Luther Vandross but to no avail
ABG – attracting crowds of girls at the front with his aussie accent and sharking dance moves
Will Grigg – coming on
Murphy – “ABG do you even know who Will Grigg is?”
Dan Lewis – stepping to ABG’s defence, “well Muprhyl, he knows that you’re not on fire so he has one less person to guess from”
Randall – being swarmed by girls, all of whom had boyfriends
Tasty – trying to break up a relationship for Randall
Progress – being made
Bexson – celebrating the 1’s win with a little win of his own, leaving bound for Westwood
Bexson – “I don’t know her name”
Curtis – spending the entirety of the night on the chirpse again
Randall – eventually leaving, claiming an essay to write in the morning but we all know it was due to a lack of female process
Tasty – encountering a former flame of his, who tells him she’s now single again prompting Tasty to kiss her
Tasty – discovering all of 5 minutes later than not only is she still in said relationship but he’s at the front of pop with her
Bint – looking over at Tasty before proceeding to stroke his cock whilst dancing with her bf
Tasty – this being too much even for him, departing for the bar
Goodyear – deciding to drive home after what can only be described as a heavy POP
Tasty – agreeing to go with him
ABG – escorting the two to the car park
Driving home – becoming less and less of a good idea to Tasty as the car approaches
Goodyear – surprisingly smooth despite the heavy intoxication but losing all aspects of lane control
Bex – calling up post chop, also contemplating driving home before eventually making the sensible choice to sleep on ABG’s floor, having a post chop cuppa with him first
Goodyear – meanwhile, careering into Stoneleigh, in the middle of the road doing 65
Parade – eventually reached, police car turning out of a side road and following down the parade
Tasty – “Goodyear, just drive at like 33 and make sure you drive straight”
Goodyear – “I got you”
Tasty – noticing a slow veering towards the cycle lane, “straight Goodyear, straight!!”
Goodyear – slowly correcting his direction before shlipping into a sideroad to avoid detainment
Everyone – eventually safe and sound, tucked up in bed/on the floor
Term 3 – stressful
UWMCC – undeterred and looser than ever

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