The Chronicles of Circle 3 – Dangerchair
Ferdi Rex… falling through a chair. Neil Gujar… falling through a chair. Adil Patil… falling through a chair. What do all of these incidents have in common? The DANGERCHAIR!!! Dangerchair is a wonderfully childish game with the potential to make even the most esteemed of gentleman look like a tit. Although popularised by the UWMCC in 2017, Dangerchair is now known to have ancient origins thanks to its recent chronicalisation by famous historian and part-time DJ, David Ramsey. In the mid-5th century, King Arthur alongside his most trusted knights stumbled upon the Round Table. In celebration of their new discovery, they decided to have a massive sesh, which has since been confirmed to be the first recorded circle. Having appointed Merlin as their first Social Sec and King Arthur as their President, Merlin used his magical powers to conjure up a cauldron of purple and the first session began. They began their circle by telling funny stories about each other, with the loser being the one who was the biggest overall muppet. Sir Galahad was nominated for shitting himself in the billiards room after a particularly heavy sesh. Sir Gawain was nominated for chundering in the local club ‘Avalon’ after a classic case of the oversesh. However, it was Sir Lancelot who ended up taking the crown of ‘Muppet of the Week’. Nominated by Sir Bedivere, it was revealed that Sir Lancelot had spiked King Arthur’s drinks and took him to bed before proceeding to do the dirty with Arthur’s wife, Guinevere. Losing by a unanimous cheer, Sir Lancelot was forced to triple for his treachery and quickly departed for the toilets afterwards. Whilst he was gone, King Arthur swiftly withdrew Excalibur from his scabbard and sawed away the leg of Sir Lancelot’s chair in spite. Everyone sat in anticipation as Lancelot emerged from the toilets and returned to his seat. Having restocked his purples, Sir Lancelot plonked himself onto his seat, sending himself and all of his new purple in the process. The knights erupted into laughter and King Arthur even enjoyed a victory windmill in Lancelot’s face. All was forgotten until Sir Tristan left for the bogs, whereby his chair was switched with the aptly named ‘Dangerchair’. He too fell through the chair upon his return and was met by cheers and revelry. This continued until the end of circle, where everyone but Merlin had fallen prey to the chair. This game, although legendary in its stature, was sadly lost to the ages until a brave knight by the name of Dan Lewis, managed to bring it back into the fray. Here lie the origins of the Dangerchair.

TJs – the breakfast destination of many a hungry clubman
Chattle – struggling post-smack, announcing his inability to attend circle as he attacks his full English
Roach – with his extensive knowledge of Leamington breakfasts, letting beginner Tasty know that the Small breakfast is the only value for money option
Roach – licking his plate clean, the small breakfast good for his wallet but obviously not for maintaining his darb
Murphy – sipping a pint of Thatcher’s having just finished a solitary visit to the all you can eat Chinese buffet
TJs music – more POP than Disco Dave’s playlist will ever be
Luther Vandross – carving out some bangers
Bexson – dealing Tasty some punishment at Frames, taking a 3-0 victory to recover some dignity after his previous sending by Tasty
Exec meeting – relocated to Thursday
Dan Lewis – likely to still be late
Some say – Dan Lewis is still in the doghouse
Others say – Dan Lewis is at an assessment centre
Either way – Dan Lewis is noticeably absent
PCP – fairly small, reflecting the possibility of a small UWMCC circle
Roach and Guj – in charge of the pot
Bex – “I’m not sure I’m a fan of Guj having it 3 weeks in a row. You just don’t get any original gambles unless I’m on the pot”
Bex – modest as always
Hockey Social Sec – finding out he’s banned as he tries to enter CR2
Baz – “no one likes you, no one likes you, c u next Tuesday”
Men’s hockey circle – in jeopardy
Bex – being helpful for once and setting out tables with Tasty
Circle – looking gun
Guj – suggesting we sack a table, as “small circles are better”
Men’s hockey – starting off circle despite a lack of social sec
Dangerchair – back in play after being discovered hidden away
Dangerchair – primed under the arse of Ferdi Rex
Ferdi – pints in hand, sitting and sending himself
Chants – ‘Dangerchair, Dangerchair’ (to the 118 tune)
Hindsight – chants should have been to the tune of Dangermouse
UWMCC – well and truly back for week 5
Gentlemen – much louder than Hockey
Virgin chants – overshouted by the ‘woooooooos’
Tasty – eventually punishing overwooing with pints
J$ – first to fall victim
Roach – quick to follow
MOTW nominations – few compared to prior weeks
Murphy – nominated by Tasty for banter of poor taste. After already being criticised for his rape-based comment in Sheffield after a heavy sesh at Corporation, it is safe to say that Murphy did not learn his lesson. Murphy was overheard rating females not on a traditional 1-10 attractiveness scale but instead on a ‘how many years would I be willing to take in prison to rape that girl’ scale. Murphy = unbearable and criminal
Murphy – nominated again this time for Cov indoor. Having started at 6pm most weeks, Murphy decides this week that he the game is at 7pm after reading his emails. Upon their arrival dead on 7, the officials tell them that they are an hour late for their game and have therefore had to forfeit what would have been their easiest game. Murphy, failing to provide evidence on the contrary is well and truly a muppet.
Adil – nominated for being sleezy. After getting superseshed, Adil enjoys a cheeky trip to Propaganda owing to the birds there being ‘filthy’. In order to prove his point, Adil makes his advances on a girl to a high degree of success. 5 minutes later, he is seen pumping his fingers away on the middle of the dancefloor. Although proving that the propaganda girls are well and truly filthy, it also proves that Adil is vile.
Murphy – comfortable winner
Murphy – tripling due to the extent of his whoppery
Eduardo Fox – new to circle, having been given his circle instructions by Merriman
Merriman – a shit bloke, obviously not giving him enough information and therefore allowing his mentee to come to circle in a blazer, trainers and white socks
Eduardo – having to double for his mistakes
Merriman – being accused of stitching a fresher
Merriman – “I have proof I told him”
Merriman – showing a substandard text only warning of trainers but no mention of white socks or blazer
Evidence – inadmissible in court
Merriman – wacking
New game – Roman Numerals
Gamble – Gemes – Fresh 1 minute challenge
Target – set as 21 between 8
Fresh – managing only 19
Punishment – still non-existent
Roman numerals – off to a strong start
New rule – table wacking of course
Turner – losing for his table
Chant – “you’re just a shit Henry Bowen”
Interim P+C – loving the attention
UWMCC – already stitching themselves but eventually making it to XXI again
New rule – Ethnic wacking
Ethnic wacking – whenever someone wacks, everyone of his/her ethnicity has to wack
Circle – predominantly white
White people – the victims for once
Merriman – designated both white and brown
Curtis – being forced to choose an ethnicity
Tasty – “there is no black here”
Nick Hill – “you are like a dummy variable, you are either white or non-white”
Curtis – choosing non-white
White’s – wacking for the first two losses
Merriman – pointing out that as soon as he wacks for the whites, then the browns should have to wack soon
Merriman – coming out with a valid point finally
Browns – having to double to catch up
Tasty – sacking ethnic wacking after realising that everyone would wack regardless of the loser
New game – 1 Fat Frog
Gamble – Murphy – Boring Jaimin challenge
Murphy – having to name 15 things that J$ hates about people
Bex – “I think I could name 50”
Murphy – having to triple and able to knock a pint off for every 5 he gets, nominating a triple if he is successful
Murphy – managing his way through
Highlights – including people who skip queues, people who hate Virat Kohli and people who don’t wack full pints
1FF – a real poor quality considering a fair low sesh level compared to its usual place in 3rd session
Sesh level – greatly increasing due to the poor standard of play
Dangerchair – being passed around but unable to claim its victim due to it looking slightly too broken
New game – Tinderrr
Gamble – Guj – Nominate BUCS team
Guj – able to nominate 3 people to wack based on the BUCS team that they are in
Guj – selecting J$ (2s), Ferdi (2s) and Nick Hill (3s)
Nick Hill – unable to keep it all down, being the first to chunder in circle
Nick Hill – not unleashing his inner chunder dragon
Chunder dragon – sad
Merriman – looking relieved considering Friendlies = 5 pints
Tinder – finishing off pints in its usual fashion
Super like – not yielding any matches
Adil – not realising that being pointed at means drinking


Dangerchair – fixed up to look normal and placed by Gemes at Hall’s seat
Randall – switching the chair back to Gemes when he’s not looking
Gemes – sadly not falling for it, switching it back to Hall
Hall – also not falling for it
Dangerchair – seemingly not as effective
J$ – unhappy about dangerchair’s ineffectiveness, takes matters into his own hands and manually pulls Larkins chair out from under him
Larkins – both creasing and unamused at the same time
2nd session – on
Gentlemen – big
Sesh – already having a visible impact on a select few
Gamble – Super Gamble – Cheeky
Super gamble – the Leicester Triple!!
Tasty – happy to see it finally plucked out
Cheeky – having to wack a blue VK, a red VK and a double vodka buca, each with a shot of Jager in them
Cheeky – wacking to the tune of “Jamie Vardy’s having a party”
Cheeky – a little chunder burp
Chunder burp – a sign of things to come
New game – ICICN
Roach – ICICN girls that Tasty has chopped
Hall – claimed on 3
Hall – “Kelly-Anne… Fit Spanish Athletics bird… ermmmmmmm… Chloe Wynne?”
Tasty – “I have not chopped you girlfriend Jonny”
Hall – “that’s a real blow. How about Kate Wood?”
Bex – a wry smile
Hall – wacking
Aneesh – ICICN porn websites
Bexson – being claimed on 8 by Goodyear
Bex – eventually managing to reach his target
Millman – “you’ve got a girlfriend mate don’t pretend they are all you know”
Turner – ICICN Scottish squad members to beat Ireland in Six Nations
Aneesh – claimed on 10+, not even attempting to name them
Dangerchair – having caught the attention of the stewards, is confiscated
Randall – “I hope he forgets about it and then sits on it”
New game – Duck Duck Moose
Tasty – introducing the charity pot into circle due to it being RAG week
RAG pot – allowing anyone who puts £1 in to nominate a wack or negate a wack
Bex – having bought plenty of coins, ready to fuck up all
Wars – breaking out left right and centre
Choppy and Adil – in a real contest
Adil – sending Adil a triple
Choppy – sending a triple back as opposed to negating any of his
Adil – attempting to sneak non-pounds into the pot to beat Choppy
Adil – shit bloke
Adil –tripling in punishment
Bex – sending a quad Jonny’s way
Jonny – despair setting in
Curtis vs. Randall – intense with both doing a pint in the end
Merriman – “one for you Mr. chair”
Tasty – getting out 4 quid and looking at Merriman
Merriman – “none for you Mr. chair”
Tasty – agreeing to do 1 anyway before sending a double Roach’s way
Guj – giving Larkins a double
End result – lots of money raised and lots of sesh consumed
Hall – in a bad way post quad
Gamble – Goodyear – Too close to call
J$ vs. Larkins – the chosen race
Race – an incredibly tight fixture
Larkins – taking victory
Goodyear – 14 to nominate, giving pints to the likely bunch of Ferdi, Turner, Jonny Hall and Roach to name a few
Duck Duck Moose – no-one picking on Merriman which was a nice change
Curtis – not bothering with any ducks, hitting moose straight away on Adil who was sitting next to him

2nd recess

J$ – unhappy at the lack of Dangerchair, sneaking into the stewards enclosure and stealing the chair back
Dangerchair – set up in Gujar’s place
Guj – unsuspecting due to it’s earlier confiscation
Guj – sent flying to the delight of the UWMCC
3rd session – commenced
Gentlemen – just a lot of wooing
Sesh levels – fucking high
New game – Danny Williams PLD
Gamble – Guj – Golden Balls
Guj to Jonny – “If I do it with you, will you definitely split?”
Jonny – “yeah of course mate I can’t afford to do much more”
Rules – Both split = 1 pint each, Both steal = double each, Split, Steal = 3 for the person who splits and none for the thief
Guj and Jonny – understanding each other and ready for the split
3, 2, 1… – Gujar steals
Jonny – outraged
Guj – an economist, knowing his game theory
Jonny – tripling to huge chants of Wonderhall
DWPLD – game 1 to be an epic showdown
Game 1 – Team Guj vs. Team Bex
Team Guj – taking the intial race on speed, despite Guj staring late
Jonny – putting in a stellar performance considering his recent triple
Game – down to the wire, final scores being 8-8 with team Guj taking it on speed
Bex – “I’ve just been let down by my team again, I shlotted all 3”
Cheeky – not taking his punishment pint very well at all, suddenly departing for the corner where he let loose an absurd amount of chunder
Chunder dragon – still absent
Game 2 – Team Ferdi vs. Team Murphy
Game – another high quality encounter, with Team Murphy overcoming a 2-3 deficit with 10 seconds to go to take it 4-3
New game – Speed 20+!
Gamble – Gemes – To my left, double, gamble, wack
Gemes – slowly turning his head left to see… Jonny Hallllllll
Hall – in disbelief at his luck
Hall – heading for another heavy circle again
Hall – hitting the double to good effect before he requires the bin to help him out
Hall – finally giving the crowd what they want… the CHUNDER DRAGON!!!
Chunder dragon – sadly going wrong and going all over his tie
Gamble – Pac man challenge
Pac-man challenge –should have been someone wheelbarrowing the picker of the gamble around whilst they try and eat Jelly babies off of the floor
Game – lost in translation
Reality – Choppy Lawson having to run around circle and touch as many heads in 10 seconds, anyone he touches having to wack
Choppy – managing 12
Hall – finishing off his final wack before retiring to the sofa’s
Speed 20+1 – slowly knocking out the deadweight
Microcircle – formed with Tasty, J$, Ferdi, Adil
20+1 – eventually down to Tasty and Ferdi
Tasty – stitching himself by saying 18, 19, 20 which brings it back onto him for 20+1
Ferdi – victor
Circle – over


Megamix – small but effective
Gemes – munching his way through his first cup of popcorn as he sings his way through Angels
Millman – sober cunt as usual, heading home straight away
Cheeky – being handed a counselling brochure by Chloe
Tim – returning after only 5 minutes with a completely new outfit on
Toxic girl – still at the front of POP, annoying all whom cross her path
Murphy – getting in a cheeky Luther Vandross request for Tasty
Disco Dave – disappointingly not playing it
Disco Dave – racist?
Hall – sending a facebook barrage of abuse to the West Midlands mayoral candidate
Hall – also sending a lot of cheeky bum fingers to clubmen
Gemes – onto his second cup of popcorn, accompanied by a jagerbomb
Adit to Tasty – “I often wear the MOTW dress to bed when I can. It’s surprisingly warm and it really airs out your balls”
Murphy – care to try it out for us?
Roach – declaring his undying love a pole-dancing girl called Tilda
Randall – after hearing Roach’s declaration of love, walks over and gets with Tilda
Roach – dismayed, sinking a few bombs to heal his broken heart
Roach – ready to have another crack at Tilda until… enter Choppy Lawson
Chops – carrying on where Randall left off, giving Tilda another dose of UWMCC
Roach – inconsolable
Gemes – meanwhile enjoying his third cup of popcorn as he watches the drama unfold
Hall – taken home by Chloe after what can only be describes as a sizeable sesh
Cheeky – asleep under the rouge bar stairs, escorted out by the stewards
Merriman – banging in a typical request for Relight my Fire
Disco Dave – shouting out Jonny Hall despite him no longer being there
UWMCC – many staying until the end, packing up as Disco Dave spins the final track
Gemes – leaving POP clutching his fourth and final cup of popcorn
Roach – desperate for a bourbon biscuit, harassing the Christian society
Roach – discovering that the other stand is the bourbon stand, sprints for the other side of the piazza in Usain Bolt-esque style
NU1 – packed with seshed up clubmen
Meanwhile – Jonny, having made it back home has decided that he will watch an entire movie before going to sleep
Movie of choice – Ferris Beuller’s day off
Chloe – surviving 20 minutes before confiscating the laptop and sending Jonny to sleep
Hall – “You may have taken the laptop but I’m still watching it in my head”
Hall – giving Chloe continuous updates of where he was up to in his mental film
Goodyear and Bex – accosted by a leam local upon arrival in Vialli’s
Local – “what fucking private school do you tossers go to then?”
Local – shit chat
Goodyear – waiting until he believes a safe distance away (other side of the road) before flipping the bird at the local
Local – running out of Vialli’s at them and squaring up
Goodyear – somehow being accidently mugged by this man, losing his phone
Bex – obviously doing nothing, returning to the den
Tasty – found wondering around the George by Guj, Roach and Larks and returned to the den with them
Goodyear – in good spirits despite having just been relieved of his phone
Roach – still in a desolate mood due to his beloved Tilda being unfaithful
Guj – breaking the bombshell that he had chopped Tilda in first year
Roach – in real trouble, relaying his hatred for Gujar
Larkins – cracking open a bottle of Belgium’s finest Leffe
Tasty – finishing off a bottle of Casillero del Diablo
Roach – hugging a bag for at least an hour, hoping it would suddenly become TildaRoach bag
Roach – unable to make eye contact with Gujar
Bex – hypothesising how dirty Tilda would be in bed
Kate – “she wore nothing but knee high boots when she fucked Tobi Osi”
Tasty – “I bet she went straight for anal with Guj”
Guj – unable to comment due to his lack of memory of the occasion
Bex – starting a Choppy chant just to rub it in
Larkins – putting on ‘Supa Hot Fire’ onto the big screen
Room – creasing
Kate Wood – unimpressed
Roach – “I super liked Tilda on Tinder and she ignored me”
Bex – giving Roachy some words of encouragement – “I’m sure she’d love your darb”
Roach – expanding his darb
Larkins – “the expansion of that darb could fire a button at serious speed”
UWMCC – eventually calling it a night
Hall – needing the toilet multiple times during the night due to his level of sesh
Hall – against traditional convention, refusing to put pants on to protect his modesty against Chloe’s housemates during his walk to the toilet. Instead, Jonny decides to put up her umbrella and use that to cover up big Jon. Every time he went to the toilet, the brolly got a good showing
Hall (in the morning) – “that umbrella stuff is comedy sketch gold”
Goodyear – seen frantically running around today, cancelling cards, changing passwords, essentially a lot less chilled than the previous night
Goodyear’s phone – sending out spam emails to his entire contacts book
Morgan Stanley – receiving an email likely to bring down their entire systems
Dan Goodyear – cause of the next financial meltdown
Dan Goodyear – on the job-hunt again

Widget is loading comments…