Exec meeting – this week held at Varsity with the much anticipated return of a wings Wednesday
Owen – visibly gutted that it’s not being hosted at the Clarendon
Wings – also almost double the price of Clarendon
Silver lining –Varsity makes it a very easy stop off before circle
Parth – flaking circle with a metrics exam in mind
Sash – late to the meeting that he is hosting
MT – fresh trim fresh indeed
Exec meeting – ended with other clubmen finally turning up for the feast
Turnout – eventually around 25
Jabzy – showing how white he is with the reggae reggae sauce making him sweat
Rav – ordering the same thing and breezing through it
F-dog – also flaking circle which is truly disappointing
Wings – lovely
Jabzy – writing the gamble pot quickly
PCP – time for a carling
Jabzy – getting NJ to do tables which he doesn’t mind doing
Freshers Archie and Laurie – also amongst the chosen
Tables – a bloody nightmare
No – chairs
Mark – apologises and just says make people stand whilst he goes to find some
Mark – “There would be more chairs if your mates didn’t fucking break them”
Danger chairs – key to a good circle
Jabzy – horrified with the thought of a standing circle and the punishment he may face
Bin – also not in sight until one is finally spotted by the entrance
Mihir – standing waiting for a chair
Mark to Jabzy – “do you guys still need a chair?”
Jabzy – “Nah mate we are good”
Mihir – wtf
Jabzy – eventually gets Mark to grab one more
Gentlemen – increasing every female in the rooms heartbeat
Muppet dress – previously owned by Kevin who met up with NJ to give him the dress since he is not at circle this week
NJ – decides to fucking leave it behind with his pride
NJ – will double to the tune of “you dirty northern bastard”
Nomination – time
Fresher Harry – nominated for going back with a hockey girl after the bar crawl, seeing that she has passed out naked on the bathroom floor he then proceeds to get into her bed for a nice sleep. In the morning he thinks to himself well I can’t wear a slutty skirt back home, so then decides to wear a pair of her jeans back home. Truly a piece of muppetry.
Rav – nominated for losing his job at his cricket club for his inactivity and for being unreliable in general. A fair call.
NJ – nominating Sash for something minor to drag him in
Sash – doing the exact same as its beginning to look like a large wack off
SJ – gets nominated for another minor reason but no one cheers for him to wack
SJ – getting away with it
Wack off – large scale
Rav – being sent by everyone even though NJ has already doubled
Sash – regular fast pint-speed
One beer Rav – desperately trying to avoid another pint as his song is repeatedly sung
Rav – a stubborn bloke not one to give in to such pressure so just does the one pint for securing the dress
1st Session:
Gamble (Joe) – Fresher 1 minute challenge
What – a lovely way to get started
Freshers – not looking pleased
Freshers – in previous weeks have cruised the 1 minute challenge and so Jabzy raises the target slightly
10 freshers – 25 the target
Freshers – again smash it with 26
Fresher Harry – securing his oversesh
Easy – stuff
Seniors – again impressed and show their respect for the fresh
New Game – 20+1
Nathan – the first to lose
Nathan – told not to choose table wacking
Nathan – choses fucking table wacking and so must wack himself
Eventually – squad chains is implemented
Dev squad – targeted early doors
3/4s – also getting to quench their thirst
Gamble (Fresher Archie) – Big Red Button
Fresher Archie – must go and buy 3 watermelon VKs and wack
New game – Randall Splat
Joe – can finally play the right type of splat after the shit version run by women’s hockey in Kelseys
Freshers – looking defeated already after that 1 minute challenge
Fresher Laurie – after taking 3 Ls finds himself in the final two waiting for another one
Joe – absolutely smokes him
Highlight of the game – Krish sending MT
Fresher Archie – arriving back with his VKs
Big red button – smashed as he is then off on his way to the toilets
Gamble (????) – ????
New Game – Kraus’ cricket
Scores recently – have been lacking
Amogh – failing
Sash – failing
59 – 7 goes to – 59 all out
Poor form – shown
Jabzy – taking a bundle of wickets, something that he failed to do throughout the season.
Jabzy – also miscounting wickets
59 – a disgusting score
Everyone – although typically would single will now double in shame
Gamble (Essex) – Chinese whispers
Hang about – Essex Sam has decided to gamble
At first – it’s unclear whether he meant to gamble or whether he thought Jabzy said “who wants to sit in the corner and moan about circle the whole night?” explaining his lightning speed
No – he actually wants it? Madness
Jabzy – does not recognise the gamble
Owen – had snuck it in late
Owen – explains that it is a game of regular Chinese whispers but if the message is successfully spread by circle and does not change then Jabzy triples if not everyone doubles
Jabzy – “what the fuck”
MT – evil laughing
Message started by Essex – “All rugby boys are nonces”
Fresher cumshot – the final man
Stands – up
Takes – a deep breath
Shouts – ALL RUGBY BOYS ARE NONCES
Circle – erupts
Jabzy – bracing for impact
Ridge – counts him in to the tune of dancing Gemes
Jabzy – sees them off with difficulty but he is not yet ready to chunder tho and so soldiers on
New game – famous Daves
Owen – very happy his request is being played
Everyone – must stand up until they can no longer name a famous Dave which has not already been said
SantanDave – being mentioned at least 4 times
David – Brent
David – Blaine
David – Tennant
David – De Gea
David – Beckham (said 3 times)
David – as in vs Goliath
Sash – the eventual winner and king of the Daves
Sash – had clearly been revising
Jabzy – calls recess
RECESS
Essex – given odds by MT to headbutt the ceiling again after breaking it and concussing himself last week
Essex – doesn’t even need odds
Does it – anyway
Joe and Jabzy – disappointed that the ceiling didn’t break like last time
Jabzy – after touching cloth the whole of last session releases the dragon
Fresher Harry – looking more lifeless than the Duke of Edinburgh at this point
Rav – “this guy is actually dead”
Fresher Cumshot (at some point in the night) – “this night is gonna end in one of two ways: in a fight, or with a fuck, preferably the latter”
Fresher Josh – mentioning a million times he has a presentation worth 20% of a module at 9am the following day
Fresher Josh – also spotted still in POP at 1am
2nd Session:
Supergamble (Fresher Archie) – DJ Khaled
This DJ Khaled – hardly put into use throughout the night as Archie probably forgets to use it after smashing the 3 wacks in 20 secs
New Game – Danny Williams PL Darts
Sash’s team – getting owned even though Sash himself hits all of his four
Sash’s back – hurting badly after carrying the team for the whole round
Jabzy – joining in on two of the games with CalGal sourcing him some more sesh from the bar
Fresher Baby – unable to repeat the success of his first game of Danny Williams takes the L
Joe – getting heated again as Danny Williams really shows his competitiveness
Jabzy and the fresh – getting absolutely sent by Nathan’s team
Jabzy – is also now ready to chun
Owen – subbed in for “only one game”
Owen – clearly fucking hates social sec duties
Gamble (Sharky) – Steal a wack
Sharky – goes up to Shiv’s mate and nicks one
New Game – Tinder
Owen – going to his special game
Two Jonos – want to shag each other
They match – instantly
Jabzy – meanwhile chundering everywhere
Food – coming through the nose
Also – Jabzy has chundered all in the sink
Owen – remembering how much he hates it
Jabzy – re-enters the room and Owen is let off
Gamble (Nathan) – ugly wack
Nathan – makes everyone wack
We – are all ugly
Fresher Baby – counting in the lads
Rugby cunts – singing we have never heard cricket down a pint
Jabzy – not wanting to entertain the twats holds off
Rugby cunts – consistent af
Jabzy – gives in, wacks a pint, throws the empty at them and flicks the bird
Rugby lads – satisfied with the performance now settle down
Jabzy – in real danger
New Game – Reverse Sherwin Ball
Krish – after being kept up last week sits down quick af
A lot – of very unlucky people as the first few numbers are slow to get through
Dodgy – counting from many and Jabzy is waved af
Jabzy – in deep philosophical thought about life after death and where Fresher Harry will end up now that he has successfully killed himself with sesh
Fresher Harry – funnily enough losing the game
Owen – recreating humpty dumpty and picking pieces of Harry off of the floor and trying to stick him back together again
Fresher Harry’s eyes – like a pair of bottomless pits
Jabzy’s hearing – needs work before the next time Reverse Sherwin Ball is played
RECESS
Essex – of course does not want recess as he truly is a goblin of the sesh
SJ – spotted apparently noncing around
Owen – grabs the gamble pot and changes a couple of things around
Suspicious – af
Jabzy – has in his notes that apparently Amogh fingered SJ which is nice
Jabzy’s notes – clearly being changed
Women’s hockey – explaining that the rugby guys have shit banter
Once you go cricket – you can’t go back
3rd Session:
Gentlemen – a cry for help
Gamble (SJ) – DUI or Drunk Under Ivan
Owen – lights up
SJ – must lie on the chairs as Ivan feeds him a wack
Owen – almost breaking down in laughter shouts “that is the best gamble I have ever written”
Whole of circle – in tears as SJ is covered in purple with Ivan looking pretty fucking confused about it
Nonce – being chanted all around
New Game – One Fat Frog
Nathan – is still in circle despite having no pints
Go – and fucking get some
Nathan – is binned
Freshers – starting a few games without saying a direction
Don’t worry lads – IT’S ALMOST W6 OF SECOND TERM
Learn – the bloody rules lads
SBS – playing Zummy Zummy across circle in a rogue move
Zummy Zummy – directed at SJ
SJ – “Fuck off Sash you cunt”
SBS – losing their sanity laughing
Jabzy – deciding he cannot be arsed to take notes anymore turns off his phone
An unorthodox approach – to mupdates
And now – he has to bloody make up for it
VKs – spotted in circle
Joe – the obvious culprit
Joe – decides to try and rat out Sash who has tried to hide his up on the speakers
Both – terrible blokes
Time – has crept up on the lads as they are warned by the bouncers that there is not long left
Jabzy – instantly activates wack and leave and table wacking 20 + 1
Many – have their night ruined by fresh who, as a result of table wacking have to wack even though it is not their fault
Ridge – kimming his team out of sheer stupidity
CalGal – on some serious form tonight as he intends to make up for some missed circles
CalGal – licking his lips at the thought of bay watch
CalGal – somehow in the final two despite not knowing the rules to any games
Ridge? – his opponent
CalGal – sends his opponent and then wacks the two pints he has left with impressive speed
Jabzy – taking all the free pints he can get with his bank account struggling
Megamix:
Rouge bar – awaiting 40 shit blokes
Jabzy – actually getting to start it this time
Backstreet boys – sung well and in perfect order
Angels – interrupted by a VK bottle thrown by rugby
Owen – livid goes to confront the guy
Owen – ready for beef
Jabzy – lets Essex takes control as he goes to defuse the situation
Owen – pissed that Jabzy has apologised on his behalf, he finally had them by the balls
Megamix – finished with a violent barmy army
POP:
CalGal – getting Jabzy’s shirt off and with photo evidence for his wank bank
MT – finding Chloydy and dancing with her all night long trying to secure the bag
MT – far too old for Chloydberg as she only sharks second year, but she seems to love it.
CalGal – somehow managing to get the fucking SU presidents shirt off the manipulative bastard
Boys – slowly being picked off by women’s hockey as they have realised we are the best club
MT – thinking he is alpha male for almost pulling Chloyd
The boys – heavily binned
Success – bring on Kasbah Monday!