Earlier in the day
Cheeky to Tasty – “I’m going to be late to the exec meeting”
Tasty – “any particular reason?”
Cheeky – “Nope, I just don’t want to get your expectations up”

Ladies Hockey Social sec – “we have 55 coming to circle, can you be nice with the tables?”
Tasty – “get fucked”

Rehearsals – unproductive
Cricket CMD 2012 – an impressive display of river dance
Matty Howe – continuing to river dance across the front of the stage, despite the routine changing pace
Bexson – wanting an explosive ending to the CMD routine
Tasty – suggesting any one of many Allahu Akbar based videos to finish
Bexson – “Tasty… there’s a line and you are so far past it”
Murphy – almost summoned to lead a Call on Me segment
UWMCC – deciding that more thrusting is not needed in the routine

Circle Time
Rory McIlroy PGA – continuing its tradition as the pre circle warm-up
Roach – deciding to take the next crucial shot using his knee, sending it to depths of lake
J$ – playing the exact same shot with his hand
Tasty and Bexson – taking a 2&1 victory over J$ and Roachy
J$ – giving shit chat about Tasty and Bexson’s choice of playing
Tasty – “a win is a win, get fucked”
Captain Bozza – munching on Iceland’s finest Cornish pasty
Jezza – “I only forgot the dress last week because it was fancy dress. Otherwise I’d never forget it”
Tasty – catching the Dan Lewis illness and fucking up his timings
Tasty – being kimmed by Stagecoach, waiting for 45 minutes for a bus
Cheeky – unsurprisingly also late, arriving to join Tasty at the bus stop at 6:15 (15 minutes after the exec meeting starts)
Roach – arriving at the bus stop as the bus turns up, managing to shlip in front of Tasty and Cheeky and makes it onto the bus first
Tasty – unhappy with the lack of justice in the world
Tasty – “Jezza, did you remember the dress?”
Karma – finally siding with Tasty, Jezza having been a whopper and forgetting the dress
Tasty – deciding on whether a double or triple is the suitable punishment
Murphy – Jezza’s saviour, running to Jez’s house and getting the dress
Murphy – bearable?
Rumours – of Om Menon making his premiere appearance
Tasty – excited
PCP – small but full of potential, like Little Choppy Lawson
Choppy – making a surprise appearance, despite work and deadlines
Larkins – the definition of torn, adamant that he would not be circling but bringing his circle clothes with him
Circle – the allure of sesh too much for Larkins to resist
Larkins – continuing to make his list for the Newcastle trip
Larkins – “socks x4…”
Pole society – entering t bar post initiations, dressed as Cops and Robbers
Hall – “Kelly-Anne is dressed very provocatively isn’t she”
Tasty – quickly munching on Ginster’s best offerings of Chicken and Bacon pasta
Cheeky – struggling with stomaching Tasty’s falafel wrap
Falafel wrap – drier than the well of a Sudanese village
Tasty – trusting Cheeky with table set up job, despite being a serious let down previously
Ladies Hockey – with 4 representatives to help them set up their ‘massive’ circle
Tasty – calling up Turner for reinforcements
CR2 – unleashed upon by a sprinting Tasty
UWMCC – managing to hoard 9 tables despite a relatively average sized circle
UWMCC – once again generous, giving two away to random shit clubs
Mafia society – bigger circle than Golf
Golf – shit club
Turnout – larger than expected from PCP, more chairs being added to accommodate
News Fresh – Om and Ash
Fresher Masters Joe – attending circle despite having a banking interview the next day
GENTLEMEN!! – raucous
Newbie societies – in shock, with some people filming us
UWMCC – celebrities
Newbie clubs – any of phone in circle?
MOTW – only one nomination, but it was a cracker
Dhruv – nominated by Choppy for Smack related antics. Choppy decides to take a trip to Smack after a heavy week of deadlines and Superdry modelling and who does he see Dhruv. Dhruv, clearly well into the sesh, joins Choppy in the queue when he notices some attractive ladies in front of them. Keen to keep up the reputation of the UWMCC, Dhruv begins to chirpse. An approximate dialogue as follows:
Dhruv: Hi
Girls: Hi
Dhruv: Where abouts do you live?
Girls: Leamington
Dhruv: Sweet
After obvious success with his opening lines, Dhruv realises he needs to piss. With no shame, Dhruv undoes his zipper and gets his cock out ready to piss. The girls however turn around at this exact moment and catch him. Dhruv quickly zips back up and denies he was going to piss. 5 minutes pass and Dhruv has rebuilt the confidence to try again. This time, Dhruv is successful. Sadly, Dhruv had pissed up an incline and as such, quickly discovered the piss dribbling back past him and puddling by the girls feet. Dhruv and Choppy then have to wait 45 minutes with two girls, covered in Dhruv’s piss.
Dhruv – a deserved winner
Dhruv – struggling with the dress, a common theme for the year so far
New game – Roman numerals
Tasty – “Arjun isn’t here so I think we are safe to play it”
Gamble – Bozza – Hotel back yourself
Bozza – gambling again due to his easy way out
Gamble – me and Dan Lewis rainbow wack
Cheeky – 3 in 3 weeks on rainbow wacks
Back a winner – people remembering Cheeky’s VK speed from last years Cheeky Fresh
Bozza – absolutely sending VK number 1
Cheeky – well practiced and far superior stamina, comfortably winning over the 3
Roman numerals – off to a good start, finishing on the first run through
New rule – switch ‘to the left’ and ‘to the right’
UWMCC – continuing fine form, finishing on the first go again
New rule – X to XX reversed
UWMCC – rattled, beginning to falter at the slight hint of complication, eventually making it to XXI after many pints of purple are consumed
Final rule – I to X are doubled
UWMCC – well and truly fucked
New game – 3 man
Gamble – Hall – Spiderman Challenge
Spiderman challenge – essentially Jonny sprinting at a wall and then attempting to leap onto it like a spider
Spiderman challenge – suspended until 3rd session on accounts of soberness
3 man – remarkably more controlled when not done in 3rd session (Tasty taking notes for future reference)
Turner – stitching Fresher Om by putting down a stack
Fresher Om – wacking to the tune of “An Om Menon”
Tasty – “I’ve been waiting 8 weeks for you to come to circle so we could chant that”
Roach – rogue shouts of 3 man as always
Revenge – hitting Roach as he has to double at the end of the game
New game – Danny Williams PLD
Gamble – Turner – Bexson Belly Button challenge (tequila)
Hall – convinced the gamble should have been his
Tasty – not giving it to him on the basis of him just gambling
Hall – “this isn’t a fucking raffle”
PLD – not as vicious as the previous time, with many teams opting to take the loss rather than try and repint for victory
Game 1 – the most exciting contest, Team Roach vs. Team Bexson
Team Bexson – impressive speed, winning the boat race but behind on shlottage
Goodyear – sending another pint to have another go
Team Roach – now behind, having to drink more to have more shots
Team Bexson – eventually winners
Roach – struggling with all the pints, rushes to the toilet, only to erupt about halfway there
Chunder – all down the shirt of Roach and the floor of CR2
Magic chunder crystals – making an early appearance
Games 2 and 3 – less exciting

1st recess

Roach – darb out in the toilet, attempting to dry the chunder on his shirt
Fresher Tim – going to the toilet with the intention of weeing, gets a whiff of the toilets, which stink of chunder and then chunders everywhere himself
Nick Hill – relocating across the circle to get away from Roach who was smelling particularly unpleasant
Roach – the definition of no spray no lay
Roach – sending Fresher Seb to get deodorant for him
Fresher Seb – arriving just in time for 2nd Session with a can of Right Guard
Fresher Seb – given 5 pints to nominate based on being a hero
Roach – smelling slightly better
Bexson Belly Button challenge – Turner takes his position
Bexson – an unsurprisingly small belly button capacity
Turner – using a little bit of tongue for the final stretch of the challenge
New game – ICICN
SUPER GAMBLE!!! – Murphy – Get out of Wack card x 2
Super gamble – boring
Murphy – offered an exchange of 3 pints to nominate for each card
ICICN – becoming a firm favourite
J$ – ICICN planets of the Solar system excluding Pluto
Hall – stitched
Bexson – ICICN UWMCC girlfriends or Gary’s (Past and present members)
Fresher Masters Joe – claimed on 14
Turner – offering to take the claim for 18
Turner – confident
Turner – quickly faltering after 10
New game – Never Have I ever
Gamble – Michael Trimmerston
J$ and Hall – primary targets
Larkins – revealing he too had a haircut that day
Never Have I ever – quickly becoming brutal
Roach – NHIE chopped a member of Pole
Tasty, Larkins and Bexson – on their feet
Roach – “to the tune of Tasty’s on Fire, your girlfriend is terrified”
Tasty – not amused, but singing along anyway
Turner – NHIE chopped post POP
UWMCC – standing proud
Hall – NHIE had a finger up my bum
Hall – the only one standing
Hall – “can’t believe the lack of finger bum wanks here”
New game – Tinderrrr
Gamble – Fresher Elect boat race
Fresher elect – Freshers choose a team of 5 and then get to pick 5 people to face them
Freshers – picking slow club members to face them
Back a winner – many choosing the fresh
Fresh – getting sent by the more experience clubmen
Merriman – finishing the race by ending the pint all over himself
Tinder – regular collusion quickly becoming annoying
Tasty – threatening doubles for anyone who audibly colludes
Super like round – no improvements on last week with no super like matches
UWMCC – sort your shit out

2nd recess

Cheeky – borrowing Turners phone to take a picture of someone who he believe looks like Shrek
Cheeky – unable to get a clean shot, decides instead to take a picture of a chair
Cheeky – proceeds to hurl the model chair into circle
Chair hurling – a gary gold medal for Wales if it was a professional sport
3rd session – still an absolute mess
Hall – now seshed up enough for the spiderman challengeweek-8-1
Hall – flings himself at the wall
Hall – signed up for a 3 film marvel movie contract
Tasty – forcing anyone who has yet to purchase or not attending Cricket Ball to whack
Tasty – narrowly avoiding punishment himself, having bought his ticket during CMD rehearsals
Gamble pot – tampered with, Cheeky having poured purple into it
Cheeky – so cheeky
New game – Cricket
Gamble – receding hairline wack
Clubmen – unhappy to be accused of a receding hairline
J$ – making Tasty feel conscious
Cricket – gash as per but what do you expect in 3rd sesh
Will O’Farrell – somehow still impacting the circle despite not being there, having passed his inability to count to numerous members
UWMCC – all out for 63
Bozza – demanding everyone wack for being shit blokes
Bozza – a feisty Welshman
New game – 1 Fat Slag
Gamble – nominate a Lady boy chaser
Turner – the unlucky victim, having already exhibited symptoms of oversesh
Tasty – providing funds for Turner to buy Guinness, lager and vk
Turner – trying an unusual tactic of interchanging between drinks after sips
Technique – not helping, Turner eventually calling it quits
1FS – people making the similar mistake of pond instead of bed
Tasty – wondering if Slags do jump into ponds??

Circle – eventually concluded after Tasty spots Cheeky eyeing up some chairs


Megamix – populous
Tasty – leaving Turner in charge of Megamix due to the need to take a phonecall
Turner – using megamix as his audition for X factor
Fresher Aneesh – locking down the front of POP
UMWCC – on good hat stealing form, quickly adding a hardhat and tiara to the collection
Tasty and Fresher Joe – using a double team combo to swipe a bucket hat
Kleptomania – setting in
Larkins – appearing suddenly wearing a denim jacket
Tasty – “where did you get that from”
Larks – “I honestly don’t know but its comfy”
Fresher Tim – appearing next to Larks using a pair of denim shorts as a scarf
Person wearing double denim – apparently now naked
UWMCC – thieves
Hall and Cheeky – planning to sabotage Choppy at work the following day
Hall – “5pm, Superdry, Ruin”
Cheeky – “I’ll be there”
Tasty – requesting Push it from Disco Dave, wanting to get some pre pull thrusting out of the way
Turner – managing to bottle what seemed like a surefire chop
Murphy – in an utter state
Murphy – “I’m pretty sure I just bought the entire bar Jagerbombs”
Murphy – appearing shirtless at the front of POP 10 minutes later, being led away by the tie by his missus
NU1 – rammed
Tasty – managing to sneak onto the last bus, sitting next to the driver
Vialli’s – packed with food hungry seshmen
Fresher Joe – at a Rootes afterparty
Fresher Joe – waking up at 5am at Rootes, pisses in the sink and then leaves
The night – still young
Circle – never gets old

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