Famous Moustached People – the theme for the famous Week 7 Circle
Nandos – the destination for pre dinner for many
Goodyear – graciously accepting some sanitary towels alongside his Mango & Lime Chicken wrap
Selena Gomez lookalike – the new waitress at Nandos
Tasty and fresher Joe – in love
Tasty – worried that Selena will judge Tasty on the size of his order
Tasty’s order – big and tasty
Tasty – “if we were girls, what we would be like?”
Bexson – “you’d definitely be a Gary”
Sports direct – invaded by clubmen looking for cones and Frisbees
Sports direct worker – obviously wanting to join the sesh
Worker to Bexson – “it’s a 50p charge if you bounce that ball”
Bexson – bounces the ball on Tasty’s head, manages to avoid the charge
Planet Bong – suddenly full of UWMCC
Fresher Joe to the shopkeeper – “do you have a business spike on Wednesday afternoon?”
Planet Bong – “Yes”
Planet Bong – funded by POP!
Den – fancy dress strewn everywhere
FIFA – a hotly competitive contest between home favourites Goodyear and Tasty against J$ and Roach
Goodyear/Tasty – clearly the supreme team
Score – 4-4 on aggregate
U1 – packed with costumes peeps as per usual
Tasty – running down the parade to just about make the bus – darb bouncing
UWMCC – decent circle turnout
Costumes – gun
Rumours – Rooty turning up as an unshaven Charles Bronson
Bexson – “that’s just shit chat”
Rumours – untrue – Rooty one of three Hulk Hogans alongside Goodyear and Fresher Seb

Honourable Costume Mentions:

Larkins – Brian Butterfield
Freshers Joe and Tim – 118 Men
Bexson – Ron Burgundy / Claire Balding
Cheeky – Santa
Will – Freddie Mercury
Choppy – Charlie Chaplin

Poor costumes:

Inth – Pablo Seshcobar
Fresher Curtis – Tacheless JME
Marcus – a moustached UWMCC member
Nick Hill – Generic Asian cricketer

Will – actually looking like a wife beater
Nish – “he’s only a few cans of stella away”
Gamble committee – once again in session, devising some fiendish challenges
Choppy – dangerously close to looking like Hitler
Choppy – concerned about the prospect of gambling, with the traditional gamble hand movement having questionable ulterior meanings
Tasty/Turner – setting up circle, being liberal with the tables
Other clubs – having to make do with no tables
Other clubs – get fucked
Tasty – putting on his Lionel Richie getup, ready to go all night long
RIP – Poorly Chattle, dressed as a gun Albert Einstein, managed to not actually buy a POP! ticket, despite thinking that he had and was refused entry
Chattle – missed
Marcus – calling Cheeky and J$ the biggest bromance since Clayden and Wellsy
Cheeky/J$ – having a rough patch, sitting differently
GENTLEMEN!!!!!! – gun
SU – absolute cunts, coaxing Tasty to give up one of his tables
Tasty – disappointed the SU didn’t at least fondle the balls first before making such a request
Tasty – merciful, eventually allowing Volleyball to have one table, gaining brownie points with the social sec
Interclub relations – all time high
MOTW – as per
Will – nominated for antics abroad. Visiting Nish in Madrid, the lads go out to a 7-storey club and begin the sesh. A few hours later, Will and Gujar have managed to sneak their way into VIP (too bad Gujar can’t sneak into circle). A few hours later, Will finds himself perched on the balcony on the club, despite the best advice of Gujar. Nish looks round once… Will is alive. Nish looks round twice… Will is alive. Nish looks round thrice… Will has managed to plummet two storeys to the club below. Muppet
Tasty – nominated for Kasbah whoppery. After power preing his way through Captain Morgan’s best offerings at Fresher Joes, Tasty begins to experience a classic case of the oversesh. Spotted in the smoking area rocking back and forth muttering the word ‘no’, he then proceeded to drunk text the majority of his contact book before sending some rogue snapchats. Once returning to Fresher Joe’s, Tasty proceeded to egg Curtis’s window, steal the fire extinguisher and then pass out starfish style in the corridor.
Tasty – not even a mutter
Will – winning with ease
Roach – wacking for forgetting the dress
People in shit costume – also wacking
Chains – being built for people in the same costume
Hulk Hogan chain – Goodyear, Rooty and Fresher Seb
118 chain – Freshers Joe and Tim
Cricket chain – Bozza and Merriman
Merriman – giving shit chat that Marv Hughes and Mitchell Johnson are different people
Merriman – “get fucked, your in the chain”
New game – 20+1
Gamble – Fresh 1 minute challenge
Fresh – set 11 as their target
Chains – already enforced, with Goodyear and Rooty wacking because of Fresher Seb
Fresh – only managing 10
20+1 – initially easy due to small circle
Will – still managing to fuck up
New rule – 7 to 12 and 13 to 18 are reversed
UWMCC – beginning to already struggle, despite the seemingly simple rule
Fresher Seb – already visibly seshed, having done a full pint refill
Goodyear – losing on purpose
Fresher Seb – despondent
Rooty – still be a good bloke and playing along with the chain
New rules – swapping 20 with ‘to the left’ and 15 with ‘to the right’
20+1 – Anarchy
J$ – testing the pillow protection of Larkins darb by giving a firm punch
Pillow – leaving a lot to be desired
New game – Home or Away
Gamble – Cheeky – Double, Gamble Wack
Cheeky – “I was meant to be having a quiet one tonight…”
Dan’s intervention – obviously not working
Cheeky – dealing with the double well
Gamble – Table wacking!!!
Cheeky – making Goodyear drink due to table wacking
Rooty and Fresher Seb – also wacking due to chain and therefore both of their tables as well
Bozza – voluntarily doing a pint just so his and Merriman’s table have to wack
Double, Gamble Wack – essentially becoming a UWMCC wide wack
Bozza – writer of the trivia questions owing to Tasty being lazy
Home question – which country did Gary Sobers hit 6x6s in an over
UWMCC – unable to answer
Table wacking – kimming Bozza and Merriman again
Bozza – proud of his heritage – answer being the mighty Wales
Away question – capital of Peru
Roachy – unsure of the answer but trying to play it off by pretending to get it wrong on purpose
Roachy – “is it London?”
Chains and Tables – essentially once again making it a clubwide wack
Other questions – they escape my memory
Hulk Hogan’s – given the collective decision to break their chains if they each do the Hulk Challenge
Rooty – “as long as someone buys it for me”
Rooty – well and truly Northern
Chains – needless to say, still intact
New game – Tinderrr
Gamble – Choppy – Sing-a-long wack
Choppy – a master of swaying the crowd, giving a bursting rendition of the Choppy song
UWMCC – joining in at the first opportunity
Choppy – deserving a massive family pack for his performance
Tinder – finishing pints as per usual
Superlike Round – finally getting a match
Goodyear and Fresher Tim – obviously soulmates
Rooty, Seb and Joe – having to join the double because of chains

1st Recess

Fresher Seb – surpassing the mystical six pint first session barrier, having shlotted 7 pints
1st session – a genuine fuckery
Recess – extra long in order to give people some recovery time
2nd session – resumed with vigour
Tasty – “For the sake of Seb’s life, chains are now over”
Tasty – Breaker of chains
Daenerys Targaryen – get fucked
Tasty – introducing a donation pot for Movember
Movember pot – any pound put into the pot can either give or defend against a wack
Bexson – dishing out pounds to various people
Tim – attempting to take revenge on Bexson
Bexson – with pounds to spare, defending himself from damage
Joe – wacking a 20 quid in
UWMCC – in shock
Joe – removing £17 of change
UWMCC – disappointed
UWMCC – generous or just degenerates?
£40 – raised for movember and a shitload of pints dished out
Circle – well and truly in session
Rooty – forced to Super gamble having randomly gambled out of turn earlier
Super Gamble – Double Golden Ticket
Rooty – the unbearable replacement of Murphy for evening
New game – ICICN
J$ – “ICICN days of week”
J$ – calculated, knowing Bexson will get fucked”
Tasty – “Bexson, it is days of the week… you are 8”
Bexson – “…Any…”
Tasty – “to the tune of Craig David’s 7 days”
ICICN – famous moustached people here
Someone – losing
ICICN – Spanish words
Merriman – claimed on 8
Merriman – “I did Spanish A level so this should be easy”
Merriman – threatened with a triple in light of the new information
J$ – with another calculated strike – “ICICN months of the year”
Rooty – the intended victim
Rooty – sipping his pint slowly and then launching his cup… into Tasty
Tasty – unamused, demanding sacrifice in the form of purple consumption
Bexson – donating his pint for Rooty to wack
Rooty – seemingly having his phone in circle too
Rooty – sent to the bar for more pints
New Game – Cricket
Gamble – Bozza – Message Chloe Webb for Bozza whilst he doubles
Bozza – reluctant
Tasty – persuasive
Bozza – doubling whilst Bexson sends the messageweek-7-1
Rooty – returning with a single pint
Rooty – shit bloke
Cricket – one of the clubs weaker games given the sport we actually play
Will and Inth – Out multiple times and made to wack accordingly
Tasty – letting it be known that a score of less than 50 will be met with a double for everyone
UWMCC – all out for 43
Roach – purposely conceding the last wicket
Roachy – given a triple
Choppy – “If I double, I will shit myself”
Tasty – excusing Choppy to the toilets, wanting to avoid the Shitgate scandal of Term 2 Week 6 the prior year
Choppy – coming back from the disabled bogs – “what a shit that was”

2nd Recess

Bexson – swirling a Frisbee – “Boz, I’ve got all the skills here”
Bexson – dropping the Frisbee
Tasty – commandeering Choppys cane
Tasty – whipping people for fun
Choppy – looking less and less like Charlie Chaplin
3rd session – once again a myth
New game – Premier League Darts
Gamble – Cheeky – Golden Ticket
Cheeky – “I don’t want a Golden Ticket”
Cheeky – delving into the pot again
Gamble v2 – Rainbow Wack
Cheeky – accepting fate that he is just a loose bloke
Cheeky – drinking a combination of all 3 VKs from a training cone
PLD – trickshots only given the size of circle
Accuracy – poor, no danger of any 360s
Speed – the key to victory
New game – 1 Fat Frog
Gamble – Nish – Frisbee Wack
Frisbee – a surprisingly capable drinking vessel, being able to hold nearly 4 pints
Nish – in a world of trouble
3 german bombers, Choppy song and Narayanan – all sang in the time taken to beat the Frisbee
Nish – eventually making it through
1FF – the usual with many people saying slag instead
New game – Speed 20+1
Gamble – Choppy and Roachy hat double
Roachy – whining
Choppy – getting on with it
Choppy – hero
Choppy – discarding his hat, embracing the fact that he now was most definitely Hitler
3rd and a half Reich – commenced by Choppy’s royal decree
Bexson’s Chair – giving up on him
Bexson – lobbing his chair into circle
Roachy – following suit
Merriman – joining the party
Tasty – loosing his shit and ending circle


Megamix – drunken with many lyrics being fucked
Jerusalem – slowly becoming a mainstay in megamix
Tasty – taking revenge on Roachy by stealing his phone
Tasty – little shit bloke
Roach, Turner, J$ and Tim – holding down the fort
Turner – looking more like Jimmy Savile than Jimenez
Nish – explaining a hilarious story about his Warwick mate – upon the death of his grandfather who had previously been Police commissioner of a rural Indian village, Nish’s mate inherited the position. After a heavy night on the sesh, Nish’s mate receives a call from the Indian Police, asking what should be done about a man who had stolen vegetables from the local store. Being completely sent, Nish’s mate gives the recommendation of 100 lashings, in front of the blokes kids… naked. Believing his advice to be serious, the police punish the man accordingly.
Kraus – getting mentions from Disco Dave
Kraus – club legend
Roach – at the front of pop, smelling like Vialli’s despite not having been there yet
Larkins – stuck between a thrusting Turner and a gyrating Roach
Larkins – making a swift escape to rouge bar
Tasty – managing to sweet-talk Chloe Wynn to let him leave POP! to see a mate and then come back
Tasty – raiding the welfare stand for condoms
Roachy – starting a fight at the front of POP
Kate – ending up getting hit
Bexson – having to leave with Kate, having a domesticless POP for once
Goodyear – taking a swift hit to the face, eagerly looking for a fight
Tasty – managing to hold off Goodyear
Fresher Joe – finding himself in the company of Cooper’s chop from week 4
Chopper’s girl – keen on Joe
Joe – hiding in the toilet for 45 minutes to escape her
Bird – still waiting for Joe outside
Joe – not able to return home due to her living in JM, ends up hiding in Rootes
Joe – almost lining up a post POP chop in Rootes
Joe – escaping back to JM at 6am
NU1 – having some hilarious stories on the way home
Tasty, Choppy and Roach – engaging in a game of International Cock or Ball on the way home
Girl on NU1 – keen to join in
Roachy – revealing
Girl – “Cock”
Tasty and Choppy – “definitely ball”
Roachy – “it’s cock”
Tasty – outrage
Roachy – with the veiniest cock in the world
Tasty – still in disbelief that he’s got it wrong
Vialli’s – hit up for the first time this year (for Tasty at least)
Choppy to Vialli’s girl – “you are a relic”
Girl – “ah thanks”
Choppy – “of Croydon”
Girl – “what does that mean?“
Choppy – “that means you live in a shithole”
Girl – “disappointed”
Tasty, Nish, Choppy and Roach – returning to the Den, only to find Goodyear sprawled on the couch
Goodyear – muttering in his sleep
Goodyear – in a bad way
UWMCC – loose

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