UWMCC – finally making use of our hat-stealing prowess by having a ‘borrowed headwear’ circle
Clubmen – after a promising few weeks, reverting back to their old ways, unable to make it anywhere on time
Cheeky – once again one of the last to turn up to the bus stop
Turner – unable to make circle due to man flu
Tasty – “I’ve heard the best cure for a cold is purple”
Turner – essentially telling Tasty and his medical expertise to get fucked
Bexson – protecting his shark hat at all costs, possibly caring for it more than his girlfriend
Shark hat – yet to have a domestic with Bexson
Cheeky – assuring everyone that he would continue to be a loose bloke
Cheeky – “I will almost certainly throw a chair in 1st session
Tasty – threatening a double for furniture related antics
Donald Trump – an absolute cunt but at least providing some input to the gamble pot
Bexson/Tasty – “we should have a gamble called ‘Build the Wall’ where we essentially treat one table like Mexicans and ignore them for
the entire night”
Tasty – eventually deciding against the idea owing to his current political correctness based SU probation
Roachy – the target of minority based discrimination owing to his Northerness
J$ – “we should do a 1 minute challenge for anyone who lives north of Watford”
Cheeky – “Cardiff is on the same level as London!”
Tasty – disappointed to find out that Cheeky is indeed correct
U1 – eventually arriving on campus
PCP – in full flow with quite a few fresh in attendance
Merriman – managing to still be in Leam at 7:30
Clubmen – hoping he’s late to circle
Fresher Seb – coming to Larkins moment of need and supplying him with a belt
Ballo – being selected as Tasty’s bitch boy for the week
Circle – initially looking small but actually a decent size
Borrowed headwear – in good supply but with some obvious absentees
SU – kimming with chairs, Ballo doing a good job to find some more
UWMCC – waiting eagerly for the sesh, fingers twitching ready to shlot the purple bounty
UWMCC – building up
Tasty – shlipping on his Spartan helmet
Tasty – THIS IS CIRCLE!!!!!!!
Tasty – sending the bin (wishing it was Dan Lewis)
UWMCC – loosing their shit, chairs flying, almost certainly by Cheeky
The Hatless – punished with a double for not meeting the clothing requirements
Bozza – disgruntled, having had his stolen hat, stolen back by its rightful owner
MOTW – rumours of many nominations
Fresher Joe – nominated for Kasbah tomfoolery (maybe unfairly). Having out survived the majority of the UWMCC in Kasbah, Joe ends up getting a taxi home with Tasty, Larkins, Fresher Aneesh and 2 females (who had attended pre drinks with UWMCC). Joe then proceeds to bring Tasty and the girls back to his room Tasty then commands Joe to fuck off for 45 minutes whilst he gets the business done. Rather than tell the girl to go and take Tasty back to hers, he lets Tasty get down to it. At 6:15, Joe then texts Tasty asking if he was done yet as he was bored of occupying the other girl and then proceeds to re-enter the room to find Tasty and said female passed out in underwear. Rather than kick Tasty out of the bed, he then decides to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag with the other girl. Joe = good bloke but a bit of a muppet.
Cheeky – also nominated for Kasbah. Continuing his good form of getting absolutely seshed every night, gets on it as Kasbah, taking advantage of the £1 Jäger. He then proceeds to get kicked out of Kasbah and takes a £20 from J$ to get home. Cheeky then somehow manages to sneak back in but when asked by J$ where the money is, he simply replied, “its gone”.
Roachy – having previously announced his inability to attend Kasbah due to a Charity Ball, Roachy ended up at pres owing to the fact he bought the wrong tux to university. Instead of his regular tux, Roachy managed to bring his year 8 tux and couldn’t get it past his thighs. Roach then gets absolutely sent at Kassy B and then had to leave at 1:30 and sleep on Fresher Tim’s floor.
Tie – between Roach and Cheeky
Wack off – won comfortably by Cheeky
Roachy – shlipping into the darby number
New game – 20+1
Gamble – Hall – Drown your sorrows
Drown your sorrows – essentially celebrating the fucked state of the world caused by Brexit and Donald Trump by doubling
The Hatless – feeling hard done by
Cheeky, J$, Larkins, Barclay and Fresher Arjun – 4 down in 5 minutes
Fresher Arjun – “I’ve been practicing my Roman numerals”
Fresher Arjun – Keen to demonstrate his new skill, “to my left, I, II”
Fresher Arjun – now the master of Roman Numerals, too bad its 20+1
Arjun – taking an absolute punishment
New rules – include reversing 1 and 20, and making double digit numbers individual numbers (i.e. 11=1,1)
New rules – starting to kim everybody – 1st session already proving to be lethal
New game – Face down, eyes up
Gamble – Bozza – The hulk challenge
Bozza – having to order 2 apple VK’s, pour into a pint glass and then top up with beer and cider, essentially making a ‘green’
Bozza – sending the pints, with an obvious grimace on his face
FD,EU – particularly uneventful with no one really matching
J$ – “everyone go Rooty”
Rooty – still managing to escape unscathed
New game – Cricket
Gamble – Cheeky – Rainbow Wack
Tasty – asking Hall if Cheeky is eligible due to his diabetes
Hall – “fuck it, he should be ok”
Cheeky – running downstairs to fetch some straws to aid in his triple VK conquest
Cheeky – sending them with ruthless efficiency
Cheeky – already 5 pints and 3 VK’s in, in a world of trouble
Barclay –“what a deeply unpleasant 1st session that was…”
Barclay – six wacks down

1st Recess

Nick Hill – “Cheeky is talking to himself in the toilet”
Cheeky – “I thought there were other people in the cubicles”
Tasty – already struggling with memory recall, mupdate notes looking sparce
Hall – wishing to start a referendum on week 6 theme’s of any kind
2nd session – everyone already seemingly seshed
Clobber – messaging Tasty, asking him to make Ferdi wack
Ferdi – wacks
SUPER GAMBLE!! – Murphy – Presedential Power x5
PPx5 – ongoing with the Trump theme, giving Murphy the ability to make an extra 4 people wack at any point when other people are
Tasty – disappointed that Murphy didn’t pick out the ‘Leicester Triple’, shlips it into the regular gamble pot.
New game – Danny William’s Premier League Darts
DWPLD – essentially PLD but each round has 2 minutes. At any point, any person in the team can choose to do another point for the
chance to shlot another cup
Game 1 – contest between J$, Cheeky et al, vs. Hall, Fresher Marcus etc.
DWPLD – still new to Tasty, not yet enforcing the 2 minute rule
Game 1 – lasting 5 minutes with the game eventually ending due to pints running out.
J$ et al – victorious
Murphy – utilising his presidential power straight away, giving Cheeky, Roach and J$ pints, despite them winning
Game 2 – Bex’s corner vs. Ferdi’s team
Bex’s team – having shlotted a 180, using it against Murphy as Mutually Assured Destruction
Final game – Roach and Tasty vs. Ballo and Fresher Seb
Tasty and Roach – victorious
New game – ICICN
Gamble – Dual Nationality Double
Roach – the intended target
Fresher Seb (tall) – collateral damage
Roach – suffering having just done 4 in DWPLD
Roach – allowed respite until session 3
ICICN – some crackers with WWE superstars and their brand, Golf major winners and Ballon d’Or winners
Fresher Marcus – claimed on 20 for golf major winners
Fresher Marcus – managing 8…
Cheeky – managing to somehow confuse the KKK and Donald Trump
New game – Tinderrrr
Gamble – Captains of anything, 1 minute challenge
Roachy – in obvious despair, with his dual nationality double still in the picture
Merriman – having been elected friendlies captain, now fucked
1 minute challenge – also delayed to 3rd session
Tinderrr – the regular carnage and collusion
Super like round – managing to get rid of a lot of pints
Super like matches – still none, UWMCC still shit at Tinder
Tasty – needing to get Tinder to try and increase the UWMCC street cred

2nd Recess

Cheeky – now in a world of trouble, taking a brief rest on the sofas
3rd Session – rivers of purple flowing, control completely gone
Tasty – threatening triples to the next person who throws a coin
Tasty – “if I hear a coin drop, everyone will triple”
Bex – purposely dropping a coin
Tasty – losing the will to live
Gamble – Bozza – Captain Bozza Powerplay
Bozza – “see ya Tasty”
New game – Mexican Wack off
Mexican Wack off – regular collusion occurring, with Tasty and Probert stitching Merriman
Bozza – brimming with power, making Tasty and Probert wack for collusion
Bozza – dictator
New game – 1 Fat Slag
Gamble – Bearable, or Unbearable?
Murphy – goes round circle nominating people who are equally as unbearable to wack with him
Targets – Bex, Roach, Hall and Cheeky being obvious targets
1 Fat Slag – out of control
Bozza – slowing losing the grip on circle
Bozza – commanding Tasty to retake circle after loosing the gamble pot
Tasty – “we’re gonna play a new game”
Bex – choosing to gamble without a pot
Bex – “Merriman power play!!!”
Merriman – taking his rightful place in the middle
Merriman – instantly losing control during a game of speed 20+1
Circle – looking like a WWE Table, Ladders and Chairs match
SU security – calling Tasty out, wanting to kick Cricket out of the SU
Tasty and Rooty – managing to sort everything with them
Tasty – “lads, we are gonna have to contain the chair throwing”
Cheeky – sending his final chair
Tasty – giving up on circle


Megamix – gun for a relatively small circle
Rouge bar – wishing they were in the UWMCC
Tasty – escaping the grip that Rouge has on him and being the man to lock down the front of POP! for the first time in his life
Golf – fucking off as soon as they see Cricket come to reclaim their territory
Tasty – lasting all of 3 minutes at the front before shlipping away back to Rouge
Rouge bar – the devil on Tasty’s shoulder
Hockey social sec – once again generous with drinks, despite not having a stolen wallet to use this week
Cheeky – divulging that his housemates recently tried to stage an intervention for him due to the state he is always in after nights out
with Cricket
Housemates – “Dan, we’re worried that you might be depressed”
Cheeky – not seeing the problem with embracing some good old fashion sesh
Mystery UWMCC member – passing out in the toilets whilst taking a shit, not too dissimilar to how Tasty got kicked out of the 02 Academy in Birmingham
Meanwhile – Tasty, struggling with keeping his alcohol down, letting loose once he hits the piazza, still unable to be sick without flapping his wings like a dragon
Chunder Dragon – expected to make an appearance on Planet Earth 3
Tasty – securing the front seat of the NU1 for a potential quick escape
Roach – discovering from Rhino’s girlfriend that she dumped her ex because Rhino has a bigger piece
Rhino – hung like his namesake
Bex/Roach – taking a trip round to Rhino’s house at 2:30am
Rhino’s housemates – getting understandably angry at being disturbed at such an hour
Bex – calling one housemate a ‘stupid bint’
Bex – admitting he may have been slightly harsh but that “she probably deserved it”
Bex – proceeding to leave multiple lengthy voice messages to Goodyear and Tasty
Intention – to once again attempt to cockblock Tasty
Tasty – this time learning from his lessons, not picking up
Bex – unlikely to be using Tasty as an emergency contact in the future
Fast food – in good supply to the UWMCC
Bozza – seen in Spicy Bites ordering ‘the usual’
Tasty – meeting Bexson in Sicilians
Bex – ordering no food but deciding to stay so he can question Tasty about his nighttime activities
Aneesh – disappointed at Tasty making squads above him, comparing Tasty’s level of coordination to that of Steven Hawking
Bex – “I think that’s a bit harsh on Steven”
Cooper – once again berating the club for mupdates deadlines
Cooper – unbearable…

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