U1 – kimming the exec
Morgan Stanley – kimming Tasty
Exec – still not understanding the concept of time, pretty much everyone being late to the meeting
PCP – people slowly filtering in, U1 seemingly fucking up most people’s day
Roachy – responsible for a particularly fiendish gamble pot
Jarris – making his much anticipated return to circle, with a new found commitment to his relationship
Jarris – “I even turned down a foursome with 3 girls the other day”
Turner – turning up to PCP with a fresh trim done by the part time Jungle nights MC
Jarris – considering a new poll as to whether Turner should go home from circle
Rumours – Hammond and Wellsy ditching circle for Altoria…
Adit – bottling circle like he bottles his chops
UWMCC – more spare tickets than Women’s Football have circlers
Tasty – maintaining his undefeated pre-circle pool record, despite Rooty giving it the biggun
Freshers Joe, Tim, Seb and Aneesh – back on the sesh horse
Freshers Akash and Jake – eager to sample the delights of purple
Tasty and Bozza – setting up, ready for a large circle
Tasty – hoping his fellow clubmen would be late to circle so he could send them
Circle gods – not on Tasty’s side
UWMCC – having regained its taste for the sesh, buzzing for round 2
Fresher Joe – managing to have already stolen a pair of goggles for circle
Fresher Joe – a sign of good things to come
Men’s Hockey – not piping up after getting sat down last week
Bexson – announcing Player and Clubman of the year
Player – Jimmy Harris
Clubman – Captain Bozza
Jarris/Bozza – each having 5 to nominate
Jarris – looking gleeful as he sends Turner a double
Murphy – ending up with a triple
Murphy – just unbearable…
Tasty – announcing that anyone who hadn’t signed up to the club would be wacking
Jarris – the lone warrior, being expected to double as the only one who hadn’t
Tasty – threatening a triple to anyone who lies
Will – sheepishly joining Jarris for a wack
Tasty – nominated for exec whoppery. Having added Oscar Pistorius to his fantasy slip cordon, Tasty was cautioned by the SU due to the ‘inappropriate nature’ of his comments (should have seen what it said pre-Bozza censoring). He then proceeded to submit an apology note that was rejected, owing to the fact that it seemed to blame the complainer for being offended as opposed to taking responsibility himself.
Jarris – nominated for Dom tour antics. Post-Corporation Monday, Jarris was approached by “an absolutely butters girl, no more than a 0.5”. Being a man in a committed relationship, Jarris thought the best way of letting her down gently was to dog her in a loading bay, whilst Bexson and Roachy distracted her mates. In the words of Jarris, “it was 20 minutes from saying hello to wiping my knob on her face”.
Jarris – also nominated for managing to forget to apply for accommodation and therefore having to live at home
Turner – nominated for his abysmal chinos
Fresher Tim – nominated for post circle antics last week. Having had a heavy one, Tim was struggling to keep the vom down. Roachy, giving kind words of encouragement, tells Tim to go to the toilet but Tim is determined to brave it. What an error… Tim manages to spew everywhere and then is carried out of POP! by security. Strong start from the fresher
Gujar – nominated for being banned from the SU for an indefinite period of time due to smashing a car window post Sports Ball. Could be a while before Guj can collect on this dress.
MOTW – decided by a wack off between Tasty and Jarris, with back a winner.
Tasty – sending Jarris and avoiding the dress for the second time in two weeks.
Jarris – having similar trouble sliding on the darby dress as Tasty did.
Larkins – itching to gamble after a yearlong haitus
Gamble – Magic roundabout to you left and right
Larkins – almost as happy as he would be if Choppy Lawson had been hired as the new family cleaner
Magic roundabout – fucking over John Mark and Fresher Akash, Larkins getting some serious revolutions
New game – Roman Numerals
Will – continuing his theme of being gash at pretty much every game, almost certainly the first to wack
Turner – “IIII…”
See ya Turner
Turner to Rooty – “if we were in Rome, then it would be IIII”
New poll – ‘should Turner fuck off to Rome to learn how to play Roman Numerals?’
10 mins later – finally reaching XXI with Rooty being kimmed
New rule – X and XX are swapped
UWMCC – continuing to be utterly gash
Tasty – ending the game and forcing everyone to wack
Merriman – hitting Tasty with his cup yet again
Merriman’s uprising quickly halted by Tasty forcing him to wack
The dictatorship – well and truly enforced
New game – ICICN
Gamble – Freshers 1 minute challenge
Bexson – claimed on CC division 1 batsmen to have scored 1k runs this season
Rooty – “Joe Root definitely has”
Bexson – “Joe Root??”
See ya Bexson
Bexson – vowing revenge on Rooty
Larkins – ICICN original monopoly squares
Nikhil – claimed by Inth for 9 (c’mon lads)Inth – losing
J$ and Nikhil – deciding to wack with Inth
J$, Inth and Nikhil – preparing to drink
Cheeky to Hall – “that’s a black wack happening there”
Hall to Cheeky – “nah mate, that’s a brown down”
Cheeky – unable to contain himself, taking 5 minutes to down his pint
Cheeky – already unbelievably sent
New game – Mexican wackoff
Gamble – Jarris – 1 minute challenge and nominate squared
Jarris – managing a weak 2 pints, requesting the bin over just in case
Jarris – 4 to nominate, sends a double to Murphy and Turner. Common theme occuring here…
Millman – getting stitched up by the Mexican wack off
Millman – only on the squash tonight, owing to his Hepatitis (or whatever the fuck he has)


1st Recess


Fresher Joe – continuing the long standing tradition of getting in the hole
UWMCC – already beginning to get out of hand, the sesh hitting hard
Second session – starting with the Freshers 1 minute challenge
Ballo – being a general knob, being forced to join the freshers
20 pints the target between 8 of them
Freshers – only managing 19.5 pints, Ballo falling a half pint short
Ballo – sort your shit out
Murphy – quick to put his hand in
Super Gamble – Too close to call, back a winner and nominate incorrect
Roachy – distraught that Murphy didn’t pull out the Double Shoe Boat
Tasty – getting his rematch against Chattle
Tasty – absolutely sending Chattle, justice being served
Murphy – 12 pints to nominate with everyone who backed Chattle also wacking
UWMCC – already feeling like its 3rd sesh
New game – Premier League Darts
Team led by Bexson against Ferdi’s team
Bexson – the only one in his team who shlotts his cup
Bexson’s team – losing
Bexson – blaming his team for the loss… Shit bloke
The ‘brown down squad’ vs. chattle’s team
Chattle’s team taking the win, shlotting a 180 and sending them Cheeky’s way
Cheeky – taking his phone out for the 5th time, finally being made to double
New game – 3 man
Gamble – the diabetes Golden ticket
Hall and Cheeky – laughing at everyone’s misfortune
Cheeky – forgetting to put his phone away, made to wack
Rooty and Fresher Joe – rogue claims of being diabetic, also forced to wack
3 man – just a chance for Tasty to go and take a piss
UWMCC – quickly descending into chaos
Roachy – shouting 3 man even when all the dice had been collected
New game – Tinderrrrrrrr
Gamble – Turner – Red chino double wack
Ooo the irony
Turner – wacking to the tune of ‘what are those’
But seriously Turner… what are those?
Tinder – finishing off people pints as per usualBexson and Goodyear – suspicious collusive activities in the corner, forced to lose the next round or triple


2nd Recess


Disclaimer: from this point onwards, my memory, along with the memory of pretty much everyone else, is fucked. So if I say something that isn’t true, then in the words of Choppy Lawson… Get fucked


3rd session – started with Bexson stealing a ladies hockey cap and handing it to Fresher Tim
Fresher Tim – refusing knowledge of the hat to girl, despite having it on
Hockey bint – on her reds, basically crying about it
Hockey bint – eventually getting her hat back because ‘Everyone’s a special snowflake’
Fresher Akash – having water for the final session
Jarris – sends Akash’s water
Jarris – “we don’t do water here…”
New game – Home or away
Gamble – 2nd vs. Exec boat race rematch
Back a winner – most people predicting an exec win this time
2nd years – sending the exec once again
The merriman express rides on!!
Home or away – probably gun, just can’t remember
New game – Face down, eyes up
Gamble – Bozza – 1 minute plank
Pint – positioned on Bozza’s neck
Jarris – sending pints at Bozza whilst he planked
Bozza – showing remarkable strength, planking for close to 2 minutes
Millman – targeted heavily in face down
Will – somehow confused by even this simple game
Bexson – sending a chair into the middle of circle
Cheeky – not to be outdone, sends two chairs into circle along with a pint, which hits Tasty
Tasty – needless to say, sending Cheeky
Merriman – noticeably absent from a large proportion of 3rd session
Meriman – missing, presumed seshed
Fresher Joe – falling off his chair and sending his pints
Bexson – feeding Joe midget gems as opposed to helping him up
Goodyear – pouring his pint on Joe
New game – 1FF
Gamble – Murphy – Lady boy chaser
Murphy – “is it me or do I always have the worst luck”
Murphy – limbering up with a few calf stretches for the impending drinking
Murphy – doing well considering the sentness of circle
1FF – never really getting going
Circle – binned off in favour of chants
Jerusalem and German Bombers – volume unreal – all other circles having to stop as they couldn’t hear themselves
Inth, J$ and Nikhil – mock rowing through the copper rooms on a bench, entering CMD circle and getting binned




Megamix – raucous, obvious that everyone is sent
UWMCC – locking down the front area
Tasty – back to his regular spot of rouge bar, on the prowl
Tasty – telling one girl that he’d definitely text her back, just to pull
Tasty – a man with no morals
Hall – not leaving rouge bar all night, in the pursuit of a future gary
Disco Dave – devastated by a lack of Hall
Bexson and Inth – having a scuffle with golf at the front of POP!
Choppy – having to act as the bouncer, pulling Inth back
Choppy – not letting his size hold him back
Turner – approaching the women from the blind side, no chance to escape
Jarris – getting with an absolute dog of a woman
Tasty – pointing at Jarris’s conquest and shouting why?
Random bint – has no shame
Jarris – what happened to commitment?
Turner – obviously having locked a girl down, enjoying a successful pull
Fresher Joe – once again on the pull, keen to get Tasty in on the action
Big Tasty, Little Tasty threesome – definitely on the cards
Clubmen (minus Goodyear) – returning to Leam and going to an underground house party hosted by Taha
UWMCC – running the Warwick social scene
Goodyear – getting to the buses, only to forget his bag. Runs back to the SU, which is now closed, only to run back to the buses to find that they have now left. In a last ditch attempt, Goodyear calls up Fresher Joe and sleeps on his floor
Fresher Joe – hero
Goodyear = Mugyear
Larkins – waking up in the ‘Naked Starfish™’ position
Jarris – spotted in a seminar, having slept in his car
Jarris – was meant to be presenting in the seminar but forgot and brought absolutely nothing with him.
Jarris – asked to stay behind after class
Jarris – you naughty, naughty boy

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