UWMCC’s 3rd XI Leamington Spa contingent were unpleasantly treated to a bus-full of whoppers going onto campus on Sunday morning, but were fortunate enough to avoid the street-by-street tour of Kenilworth as the U17 normally treats you to. Unfortunately, North Leamington resident Platt was victim to the aforementioned whoppery, unable to board the targeted bus and thus had to wait for the next bus, and it went via Kenilworth. In the delay, Larkins and Patel searched campus high and wide for a coffee, to no avail. The disastrous start to J-$’s day continued as he realised on the bus that he had two training kits, but no whites.
Other notable events on the journey to Lincoln included Larkins writing names of historians on either hand according to their historiographical stance, his detailed recollection of a dream he had the previous night (bartering with the staff of Leamington Spa’s Barnado’s to have a practice round with their fairway wood), the Social Sec being endlessly run out on his iPhone cricket game, and an exploration of famous vegans and vegetarians (see Wikipedia if that tickles your fancy). Our lengthy trip to Lincoln was extended by getting lost, including the bus driver missing the ground as we literally drove past it at 10mph. Howard won the toss and elected to bat, and after a quick game of football, it was Lippiatt and BUCS debutant Taha Ahmed striving out to open the batting, with the later asking “is it 40 overs” on the way out.
Whilst I assume Howard told him otherwise, Ahmed got off to a start well suited for the old Pro40 competition with some fluid stroke-making. Alas, his commanding innings was ended when he top edged a pull shot, UWMCC 35-1 off 6.4. From thereon in no one really got going as well as Taha, Howard falling after a big old run of dots, albeit after an unfortunate snick slip via the keeper’s pad to first slip. Fantasy league failure Millman hung around as Carter, Larkins, Patel and Ballington fell around him, the score being 123-6 off 34 overs. To be fair to J-$, he may have been caught at mid-off, but it was only after some uncharacteristic patience, with many leaves and ruthless efficiency putting away the bad balls. Indeed, generally Lincoln bowled very well after Taha’s quick start, on a slow and low pitch. The fortune of the innings never got any better, Millman failing with some Steve Smith style batting outside off, and later hauling out to deep square leg for a well dug 42. Hall amusingly fell first ball after calling for his helmet, the Lincoln showing his distaste for UWMCC baggy with a bumper. The innings was perfectly encapsulated by Platt being bowled from a rank long-hop, the stumps being yorked on the second bounce. 149 all out, merely 42.5 overs used – an underwhelming performance from UWMCC’s batting line-up.
Turner and Platt started excellently in response, UMWCC’s unused 7 overs only going for 8 runs, and Platt taking a wicket shortly after, Lincoln’s opener spooning one to specialist short extra fielder Jaimin. The shot justified the opener’s lonely stint underneath a tree on the other side of the ground after his dismissal. The same must be said for Hall’s first wicket, the Lincoln skipper (who looked as shit as his dismissal tbf) clunking a full toss to Patel again. Lincoln’s number four, with an uncanny resemblance to John Liddle, promptly strode to the crease. For context, he had sent UWMCC (and Hall more specifically) pongo at Lakeside last year. This momentum appeared to be carrying on, as Liddle #2 pinged Hall for four first ball. Second ball, however, didn’t go as well, hauling out to Platt at long on – a headsgone if ever there was one. After this pretty gash first over, Hall settled down nicely, getting a smart caught and bowled for his third. Next, Ballington rather outrageously said to Millman that the ball was coming to him at first slip. On cue, the right-handed opener rocked back to play a cut, the ball promptly ragging and spitting onto his bat handle and into Ballo’s grateful hands – get fucked Darren Brown you egotistical nonce. Hall’s second baggy robbed from him with a Turner drop not dissimilar to this.
Larkins broke an important partnership with a classic spinners wicket, a full toss slog swept to Carter at cow. Even despite his formal warning for swearing and kicking the pitch, Larkins dismissed the number 7, caught by a back-peddling Hall at mid-off. One of the tail-enders came in, wacked a couple of fours, before putting everything into a Larkins dismissal and smashing it onto his own stumps. 3-30 from the ever reliable off-spinner. With both spinners bowled out, Platt and Turner returned to the attack, the latter finishing it all off with an archetypal in-swinger to a left hander, crashing into middle – Lincoln all out for 136 and UWMCC winning by 13 runs.
A sleepy bus journey back was illuminated by Turner’s stories of a batsman vomiting through his helmet having eaten too much at tea, and J-$’s tales about ladyboys in downtown Bangkok (“I was 16 on a school-trip, the man said blowjob and pointed to a nearby alley”). Despite the Leam dweller’s worries, the almost perfect day continued unabated, the U1 not too long delayed, even if it was again full of library dwellers at 8:30pm. UWMCC carrying on winning, whoppers carry on whopping.