Fresh – gathering eagerly in the piazza, awaiting the start of what had been described to them as ‘ the ultimate week of pure sesh’
Dan – piloting the Ford Tourneo (to be later renamed the ‘Lads on Tourneo’)
Murphy – taking the wheel of some shitty Seat aka the Faggio
Tour – some strong clutch control getting tour off to a smooth start
Tour – going downhill quickly when Dan misses the motorway turning
UWMCC – awaiting the minibuses in the Leamington Co-op car park
Dan – managing to miss the turning to the co-op twice
Dan – gash at directions
Dan – definitely regretting not doing DofE

UWMCC – departing the car park – TOUR HAS COMMENCED

Tasty – taking the role of Disco Dave in the Tourneo
Tourneo – chucking song requests through the Merriman Express twitter
Clayden – “any of some Estelle?”
Estelle – absolute banger
Tourneo – cut up by some knobhead lorry driver, only one thing for it…
Tasty – “Oi lorry driver, get fucked!”
Clayden – “Oi tasty, get it out”
Tasty – refusing to ‘get it out’ for the first of many times this tour
Darbs – rumbling… a service stop is required
Dan – having had a flawless journey, charges into a curb at considerable speed
Tourneo – clubmen wishing they’d saved the number of ‘InjuryLawyers4U’
Yeti – walking darb first into the glass wall at services, darb rippling upon impact
Clobber – doing the exact same thing as Yeti but to less comical effect
Yeti – proof that darbs make everything funnier
Bexson – “There’s only one thing you’re allowed to order Tasty”
Tasty – obliging with a cheeky Big Tasty with Bacon
Tasty – big claims of a 30+ jägerbombs post circle week 10
Clobber – sparking a debate of the SU’s use of Jungfrau vs. Jäger
Tasty – “I’m gonna claim £5000 from the SU at the end of uni for false advertising of jäger
Clayden – “Tasty, you’ll need 30 jägers a week for that”
Tasty – up for the challenge?
Faggio – setting up the tour group
Chandi – realising that Tom Lawson = Dom Tourson
Dom Tourson – best nickname on tour?
Clayden – renaming Chandi to Dinesh
Chandi – such a Dinesh
Russell Scott Sheffield – perched atop one of Sheffield’s many hills
Hill – proving to much a challenge for the Tourneo
Hostel lady – “You shit on my floor, 50 euros”
Hostel – about as cramped and sweaty as the front row of POP! during week 10
UWMCC – going for a cheeky nandos
Yeti – Lemon and Herb… enough said
Pres – becoming raucous
Clubmen – continuing a recent tradition of adding random people to the group chat including Choppy Lawson, Big Tasty, Jackie Chan, Ghandi, Amanda Roach, Michael Ballack, Florent Malouda to name but a few
Jason Roy – honoured to be added to the chat, possible Cricket Ball guest speaker lined up?
Dinesh – commencing the cull, ridding the group of everyone including Jason
Dinesh – ruining the hopes and dreams of everyone still in the club
Tasty – leading the clubmen to West Street Live
Larkins – unable to get in due to the presence of a Nike tick on his clothes
Larkins – “Oh Ballack!!”
West Street Live – buzzing and ludicrously cheap
Roach – promoting Popworld like no tomorrow
Popworld – the end destination for most clubmen
Popworld – basically POP but all day, everyday
Random female – terrified after being circled by clubmen and given out
Dinesh – busting out unbelievable dance moves
Dinesh – discovered in a Bollywood movie. The film was long and weird but fuck me is he a good dancer
Adit – the first clubman to pull (although I’m sure Jimmy Harris was already on double digits by this point)
Adit – failure to convert, renamed the ‘Chopbottler’
Dan – rounding up females left, right and centre to join his table, “you’ll be able to meet ugly Tom”
Choppy – disheartened but still making an appearance, giving the girls a taste of his signature shimmy
Clayden – falling out of the club through the fire exit
Clayden – missing, presumed seshed
Turner/Larkins – missing all of this for a bar called Bierkeller
Bierkeller – a Bavarian bar where loads of old men stand on tables and chant
Turner/Larkins – absolute whoppers
Clubmen – returning home
Tasty, Roach and Dinesh – gutted to arrive at a shut Pizza Mania at 4am
Roach – inconsolable, having skipped out on Adnan’s for Pizza Mania
Meanwhile – Bexson and Dan decide to burgle a door from a nearby skip and bring it back to the hostel

UWMCC – waking up feeling particularly rough
Clayden – “why am I spooning a door?”
Door – blessed to have been chopped by Dave Slayden
Door – given its marching orders and put in the corridor
Hostel lady – taking photos of the door
Murphy – letting off an obscene fart to hungover mutters of ‘Shittampalam’
Hostel lady – presenting tasty with a phone
Tasty – getting absolutely bollocked by the boss of the hostel, asked why there was a random door in her hostel
UWMCC – managing to get 4 complaints on the first night – gun performance
Yeti – “Oi Tasty, get it out”
Jarris, Bexson and Tasty – leaving early for the game in order to get a pre game maccies in
Clayden – suffering from last night, ordering maccies through Bexson
Clayden – “Tasty, Bexson’s got my order. You know what I want from you though… Get it out”
Sheffield Police – loitering in maccies for Jarris to drink drive
Jarris – devising a secret plan to deceive the police by walking the first part of the journey back home instead of driving
Police – well and truly deceived
Tom Hiddleston – get fucked
Jimmy Harris = new 007
Thorncliffe CC – Gun clubhouse
UWMCC – sent into the field first
Turner – bowling some truly appalling spells
Jarris – being his characteristic lazy self in the field, somehow taking a grab
Cooper and Hall – turning up mid game to join the tour
Aamish – being gun as usual, the only batsmen to put a dent into the chasing total
Batting – no one else really getting going
Tasty – bemused at the £1.58 beer pricing at the bar
Yeti – “I thought you were bigging up your 90 over sesh Tasty”
Tasty – once again not living up to his chat, deciding some more bogus claims were needed
Tasty – “I once ran 11.88 in 100m
Clubmen – calling bullshit on that one
UWMCC – first loss of tour
Clayden/Clobber – confused at why Cooper had a bum bag with emergency provisions in it
Cooper – “Doesn’t everyone have an emergency bag?!”
Cooper – a shit Bear Grylls
Pres – much more contained due to the threat of removal from the hostel
Sheffield – relatively buzzing given it was a Sunday night
West Street Live – the destination of choice for UWMCC
Larkins – foregoing Nike this time and actually getting in 13720530_10210470130217500_1712971436_o
Dinesh – racking up the numbers from the girls, using his moves to good effect
Sunday – a fairly quiet night for most clubmen… cue James Murphy
Murphy – having hit the Bulmers quite hard, decided to give out to multiple girls, going as far to claim a hat-trick and hold up the match ball in celebration
UWMCC – taking odds on whether Murphy would get decked
Murphy – almost getting nutted, thankfully Cooper coming to his rescue
Murphy – commencing some bizzare stretching routine in the middle of the dancefloor, not too dissimilar from Eric Prydz’s Call on Me
Call on Me – gun video, here’s a reminder –
Murphy = unbearable
UWMCC – Adnan’s Fried Chicken the food destination of choice
Clayds, Tasty, Teds, Larkins, Bexson and Aamish – post night out revelry in the kitchen with chants of Choppppppy Lawson
Clayden – feeding Tasty cheerios
Tasty – feeding that darb well
Cooper and Clobber – having walked from West Street Live to McDonald’s, eventually returning to the hostel c. 6am

UWMCC – not arising until late
Tasty – finally doing something about his possible STD symptoms and visiting the clinic
Jarris – “anyone for bingo?”
Jarris – taking a trip to Mecca Bingo alongside Chandi and Larkins
Jarris and crew – late to Bingo and therefore denied entry by the pensioners
Rest of club – heading to the park
Tasty – managing to get lost in 3 different parks before finding the right one
Bexson – “lets see how long Tasty can run in 11.88 seconds”
Clubmen – standing at various distances, guessing how far Tasty would run
Tasty – surpassing everyone’s beliefs but still being sent in the race by Teds
Hallam CC – ground shared with the football club
Hallam FC – rumours of oldest ground in the world
Hall – cynical as usual, doubting the claims
Hall – boring
Bowling – notable performances from Clayden, Roach and Chandi
Batting – Teds and Aamish playing some good shots
Fielding – Cooper and Chandi gun in the field
Umpiring – outstanding performance for Larkins, keen to trigger absolutely everyone
Larkins – finger up before the ball had even struck Hall’s pads
Jarris to Tasty – “did they do the umbrella when they stuck the swab up?”
Hallam CC – disgusted by the thought of the swab
Hallam CC – taking the win, another loss for the UWMCC
Hallam CC – recommending Corporation for the night out
Pres – somewhat splintered with some downstairs and some upstairs watching love island
Love island pres – gun
Aamish – trying to hide his secret addiction to love island, crawling into the room half-way through
Corporation – absolutely huge, 3 floors of underage and under-par girls for the UWMCC (Jarris) to work their way through
Bexson/Jarris – proceeding to follow an innocent couple round the whole of corporation, taking pictures next to them
Poor couple – going at it on a table to avoid Bexson and then proceeding to fall off
Jarris – using ‘giving out’ as a pulling method, the first of many successes for him in the night
Adit – taking the sloppy seconds off of Jarris
Adit – “someone give me a condom”
Adit and Turner – conducting a covert condom swap in the gents
Adit – once again bottling the chop, instead asking for a date on the next day
Cooper – pulling what could only be described as fat lesbian (-0.5 at best)
Hall and Yeti – spending all night as the only two people in a dimly lit room downstairs
Hall and Yeti – “that DJ is a sure thing for Glasto in a few years time”
Roach – the return of Jeremy Poach, spotted walking Adit’s girl to McDonalds
Roach – binning off the bints in exchange for some chicken mayos
Clayden – stopping off at Pure Gym on the way home for a quick 45 minute chest workout
Aamish – leading Tasty, Teds and Murphy in a pilgrimage for Adnan’s Fried Chicken
Murphy – “If you’re going to go down for rape, at least rape a fit bird”
Random woman in street – not taking Murphy’s comments too well, verbally assaulting him
Murphy – beginning preliminary stretches in preparation for running away 13689312_10210470131217525_803251984_n
Murphy = unbearable
Aamish – fear of stabbing ruining his hopes and dreams for Adnan’s
Jarris – chopping what he describes as “a filthy ginger bint, no more that a 0.5”, in a loading bay in an alleyway near Corp
Bexson – making small talk with randomers whilst he waits for Jarris to do the deed
Bexson – not waiting long
Jarris – efficient

Clayden – suffering from DOMS post 4am workout
Hall – “Jarris, shouldn’t you get tested?”
Jarris – “I will never be tested. If you don’t know you have it, then it’s not illegal to pass it on”
Tasty – still wincing at the thought of another test, knob still sore
Hallsforth Hall Park CC – cancelling the match due to weather the day before
Yeti – sadly leaving the tour (sad because no more darb jokes)
Cooper – giving Yeti a lift to the station
Cooper – managing to get horrifically lost in the Sheffield ring road system
UWMCC – ignoring the hostel departure time of 12pm, eventually clearing out of Sheffield at 2pm
UWMCC – stopping off at TGI Friday’s on the way in to Leeds
Hall – managing to burgle a free meal after it was dropped on the floor
Hall – “If you drop anything else, bring it over here”
Russell Scott Leeds – nicer than Sheffield, albeit smaller rooms
Leeds in general – nicer than Sheffield, with a better quality of woman and generally better quality of human
Hostel lady – once again bollocking Tasty for the events of Sheffield, setting a no noise curfew of 10:30pm
Cooper – leading a group to the local Yates to watch the cricket
Pres – beginning as they always do… Love island!!!!
Love island – Dinesh sitting in expectation for some lezza action between Sophie and Katie
Dinesh – disappointed
Pres – interrupted by a man who needed to check in
Random man – disappointed to find it was too late to check in, therefore making do with the couch in the kitchen
Tiger Tiger – not knowing what was about to hit it
Dinesh – once again bringing the moves out, other clubmen trying to copy him but highly unsuccessfully
Rumours – Will Monk is a better dancer than Dinesh?!?
Drinks – a new concoction of Double vodka lemonade sambuca being created for Bex, Tasty, Jarris and Clayden
Double vodka buca – gash but potent
Turner – meeting a lovely little blonde
Jarris – “You realise she’s only using you for a drink”
Turner – hopeful that this isn’t the case
Tiger tiger girl – fucks off once she downs her drink… Bad luck Turner
UWMCC – going pongo when feed em to the lions comes on
UWMCC – heading over to McDonalds
Tasty – giving Adit chat about being a ‘chopbottler’
Adit – ripping Tasty’s food receipt in response
Tasty – slapping Adit ludicrously hard in the face… no one gets between him and his dippers
McDonalds – ejecting Tasty
Dinesh – arriving outside to give Tasty his dippers, only to find him stretching against the wall
Murphy – night out stretching catching on?
Dippers – arriving without salsa
Tasty – shlipping back into maccies and hiding behind a pole, trying to contact Teds for his salsa
Teds – able to see Tasty due to the fact that he is wider that the pole
Tasty – eventually procuring some salsa before being chased out of maccies by the bouncer
Dinesh – “Clayden, that girl over there keeps saying I look 12 years old”
Clayden to girl – “Hi there, I’m Rob. I’d just like to let you know that you look 11 years old”
Bloke next to girl – getting obviously irate with Clayden’s comment
Clayden to bloke – “Mate, you’ve got a 10/10 physique. Too bad that you’re facial hair lets you down, it’s shite”
Bloke – now definitely not happy, wanting a fight to ensue
Clayden – legend
Jarris to girls outside – “You are the most beautiful girl in the world, a definite 10. Your mate on the other hand is vile, a definite 0”
Tasty to the same girl – “Words cannot describe how beautiful you are… But numbers can, 2/10”
Girl outside – “I got my highest rating in Malia tattooed on my arse”
UWMCC – expecting some self-esteem boosting high number
Girl outside – pulling trousers down to reveal a 3.5…
Tasty/Teds – unable to control themselves, collapsing in a heap on the floor
Jarris – giving the girl a wedgie in disgust
UWMCC – returning to the hostel
Hall – passed out on Dan’s bed
Tasty – dropping a bollock on each of Hall’s eyes
Hall – no response
Jarris – squatting his arsehole onto Hall’s nose
Hall – still no response
Jarris and Tasty – disappointed by the lack of reaction, moving on to a new target
Jarris – remembering the man sleeping in the kitchen
Jarris and Tasty – getting completely naked and helicoptering the sleeping man in the face
Random man – waking up after some suspect flesh hit him in the face
Jarris – “I dare you to dip your knob in this garlic and herb dip”
Tasty – obliging
Jarris – proceeding to hurl the open dip at the squatter
UWMCC – calling it a night
Cooper – noticeably absent…

Cooper – returning to the hostel at midday looking particular chirpy, having seized his chopportunity
Bexson – “how many times did you chop?”
Cooper – “4 mate. Once at night and then 3 times this morning”
Cooper – surely as sore as Tasty’s post swab knob
UWMCC – once again monging out until the evening T20
Hostel lady – telling Tasty that she was extremely happy with us
Hostel lady – “all is forgiven for Sheffield”
UWMCC – confused seeing as last night was the rowdiest yet
Hillam & Monk Fryston CC – put together a side made up of different local clubs, including some of our own, notably Dan Lewis himself
Hillam CC – not the strongest side…
Dan – once a Judas, always a Judas
Roach – bowled by a 10 year old…
Jarris – giving chat from Square-leg umpire
Murphy – a merciless man, bowling their 10 year old out first ball
Turner – still bowling shite
UWMCC – taking a comfortable victory
Hillam CC – putting on a gun tea for us in the local pub
Roach – buzzing for some of his home cuisine
Southerners – getting a taste for chips and gravy
Darbier members – going back for seconds/thirds
Dan – distraught with the bashing of Wales by Portugal
UWMCC – buzzing for circle, a function room above Yates having been booked out
Yates – bar staff bemused by people ordering 4 pints at a time
Circle – a potent 17-man circle
Leeds – getting a taste of Gentleman!!!
Dick of the day – Tasty for his actions the night before
Jarris – somehow avoiding repercussions for his actions
New game – 20+1
A lack of gamble pot meaning that Tasty gets to make up the gambles
Gamble – Golden ticket
Cooper – pulling out the ticket, looking on in glee
Choppy – losing the first round– to the tune of Choppppy Laws, laws, laws
Larkins – face noticeably lit up as the song starts
New rule – 5 to 10 are reversed
Dinesh – “is it inclusive?”
Bexson – “has it ever not been inclusive?!”
New rule – 1 to 5 are the word darb
20+1 – starting to kim people as the number of darbs becomes hard to calculate
UWMCC – eventually making it to 20+1 with Clayden losing
New rule – 1 to 21 were the word darb
UWMCC – somehow managing to make it through on the first attempt
New game – Mexican wack off
Gamble – who wants to wack
Bexson and Dinesh – stitched
Rumours – next gamble to be the double, gamble, wack
Bexson – no longer so eager to gamble
Gamble – nominate your year in pints
Mexican wack off – landing on Dinesh
Dinesh – having a heavy one, asking to go to the toilet
1st Recess
Clubmen – refilling pints downstairs, awaiting 2nd session
Meanwhile… – Dinesh, unable to hold in the vom any longer, makes a dash for the toilet but doesn’t make it. The result? No more circle
UWMCC – booted from the function room
Adit – once again on the chirpse, hooking up with a leeds local
Adit – once again requesting some condoms, “this one is game”
Adit – once again bottling the chop
Quiet circle – reconvened outside
Circle – including games such as ‘I claim I can name’ and ‘Never have I ever’ and ‘I have’ the latter becoming interesting with some Jarris input – a few as follows:
Jarris – I have done sexual things with a married woman
Tasty – slowly raising his drink to his mouth
Clobber – I have slept with someone whose family had value in excess of 10 figures
Clobber – “I probably should have tried harder with her”
UWMCC – realising the time, decide to head inside and get further seshed
Jarris – hooking up with the 35 year Frankie and Benny’s waitress
Jarris – trying to get Tasty involved in a threesome with him and the waitress
Tasty – return of Big Snakey as he hooks up with Adit’s girl
UWMCC – heading to maccies
Dinesh – remerging from the hostel to join the lads in maccies
Tasty – allowed entry due to a different bouncer
Teds – removed from maccies after deciding to slutdrop the new bouncer but winning the slutdrop contest in the process
Tasty and Jarris – the last two left in maccies, sitting in a booth overhearing the conversation going on next to them. One of the girls had been cheated on and asks the opinion of a random African man on what he would do in the situation
African man – “If my woman cheat on me, I beat her”
Friend of girl – bursts into tears after revealing that her sister had been the victim of domestic abuse
African man – removed from maccies without even getting his food… Any justice
Tasty and Jarris – catch a cab home with a random bloke who reveals he too has had a bad night. Having fancied his best mates girl for ages, he finally sleeps with her after he thinks they have broken up. Turns out they haven’t and now he’s in deep shit.
Jarris – “bin her off man, she sounds like a right whore”
Randomer – “don’t say that man, I like her”
Jarris – “nah mate she’s a slut”
Randomer – “guess you’re right, you give good advice”
Jarris = brummy Jezza Kyle
The result – free cab for the UWMCC

Dan – “I have a feeling that the oppo today could be a similar standard to yesterday”
UWMCC – eagerly awaiting their second victory of tour
Clubmen – having a quiet day in prep for the game
Farsley CC – a nice looking ground
UWMCC – starting to worry when people start turning up in England stash
Dan – “right lads, I may have been wrong about the standard of their team”
Rumours – their overseas pro represented South Africa and their other opening has played 60 1st class games for Yorkshire
Warwick – to open up in the field
Clayden – bowling heat, gets absolutely put away
Realisation – we are fucked
Farsley CC – both of their openers getting 50’s
Turner – finally putting in a semi decent spell, making the breakthrough thanks to a Dan lewis catch
Dan – nice to see him taking catches for us once in a while
Farsley CC – sending in a 14 year old who is breaking all of Joe Root’s records
Clayden – dislodging his off stump
Clayden > Root?
Farsley CC – reaching a total of 231 from their 20 overs
Teds – putting in a honourable performance, providing the backbone to allow UWMCC to reach 132-7 off of 20.
UWMCC – not losing by more than 100 and therefore effectively winning in our mind
Maccies – hit up by most clubmen in preparation for pres
Pres – consisting of only one game, 20+CHOPPY!!
Rules – same as 20+1 but with the words of the choppy song
Clayden – the brainchild of the game
Choppy – not sure whether to be happy or upset about being the subject of pres
Choppy – singing along nonetheless
20+choppy – lasting over an hour
Aamish – unable to grasp the lyrics of the song no matter how many times it was sang to him
Larkins – never so happy as when singing the choppy song
New rules – include changing ‘Laws’ to ‘choppy’, reversing left and right and turning the word ‘shack’ into a nod
Aamish – screwed
Clobber – drinking a mixture of whiskey and gin
Clobber – having learnt his spirit mixture lesson from sports ball, passes the drink to Clayden
Clayden – getting the drink down
Clayden – beginning his night of woe
UWMCC – heading to a club called Space
Space – voted official worst club in the country
Space – a dingy downstairs club, filled with so much smoke that it was impossible to see in front of you
Music – a mixture of house music and well… house 13702330_10210470133577584_1597884093_o
Larkins – loving life
Smoke – providing perfect cover for some pokey bum time
Hall – looking in his element
Hall – a pokey bum ninja
Jarris, Bex, Teds, Tasty and Clayds – back on the Double vodka buca
Double vodka buca – still gash and proving too much for Clayden
Clayden – legs starting to falter
Teds – managing to harpoon a whale
Teds – not able to take her home due to her inability to fit through the hostel door
Tasty – making a new drink of double vodka coke with tequila
Jarris – almost vomming after one sip
Double vodka tequila – somehow worse than buca
Clayden – in a world of trouble, unable to get up from the floor
Tasty – carrying Clayden out of the club with Jarris
Clayden – ending up on the floor outside Space, refusing to go anywhere without Adit Kulkarni
Adit – leaving the club in order to her get him home
Cabs – refusing to go anywhere with Clayden
Jarris/Tasty – carrying Clayden back home
Clayden – refusing to move unless everyone was singing
Megamix – in play as we move through Leeds
Clayden – responding particularly well to chants of ‘Oh Adit Kulkarnii’ and ‘Bexson is a cunt’
Clayden – wanting to try and get into maccies
Tasty – devising a ‘bouncer’ game whereby Clayden had to persuade either him, Jarris or Adit to let him in
Clayden – immediately dropping his phone, entry denied
Adit – eventually getting us back to his… If only he could do that with the girls 13694103_10210470134337603_1377876916_o
Clayden – passing out in a pool of his own piss… the return of Dave Slayden
Adit – passing out at 5am, leaving his phone at the mercy of Jarris and Tasty
Tasty – attempting to use Adit’s lifeless thumb to get into the phone but to no avail
Tasty – “Adit, you’ve got an emergency message and you need to open your phone”
Adit – falling for the ruse
Tasty – finding gym selfies of Adit on the phone, sending them to the tour group
Jarris – playing havoc with the phone, leaving ‘Amy’ a voice message telling her to talk dirty to him as well as telling ‘Alice’ that he wanted to do dirty things to her and her family
Tasty – rounding things off by sending a picture of his bollock to a random contact
Damage – done

Adit – waking up in the morning to find a threatening message from ‘Mayurden Logeswaran’ in regards to the messages sent to ‘Alice’
Clobber – replying to Mayurden in the style of Liam Neeson in Taken
Mayurden – telling Clobber to ‘watch himself around Warwick’
UWMCC – arising slowly to get ready for the T20 at Headingley
Clayden – looking particularly fragile, now a pair of chinos down after ‘pissgate’
UWMCC – managing to secure front row seats at cow corner
Ball – never even looking close to coming towards us
Yorkshire children – becoming more and more annoying as the game went on
Teds – become genuinely worried about the number of methods devised by Tasty to end the children
Tasty – weighing the pros and cons of a life sentence vs. the satisfaction of taking the kids out with a shotgun
Yorkshire vs. Warwickshire – coming down to the last ball, Warwickshire needing 5 to win or 4 to draw off the last ball
Tasty – praying that Warwickshire win so the kids cry
Yorkshire – managing to save the boundary on the line
Jarris – leaving tour in order to get back to his missus (yes, he has a girlfriend)
Jarris – calling up Tasty
Jarris – “Tasty mate, do you remember where my car is, I’ve managed to lose it”
UWMCC – struggling to work Uber in order to get home
Pres – one long game of I claim I can name
Clayden – nursing down some granola in the hopes of lining his stomach for the night
Call Lane – the intended destination of the night
UWMCC – failing to wear smart shoes and therefore not making it into any establishment
Clayden – once again benefitting from his Pure gym membership, using it to take a shit
Clubmen – ending up in some underground dive called Wire
Larkins – once again loving it
Everyone else – pleading to leave
Space – the end destination for the second night in a row
Hall – disappointed by the lack of smoke… no pokey bum time tonight
UWMCC – no major casualties, everyone making it through the night
Hostel – having a quiet night in comparison to previous nights… or so we thought

Bex, Teds and Tasty – awoken at 10:30 by hostel lady, demanding that they leave immediately
Hostel lady – finally giving us the boot, claiming that we have caused two families to walk out of the hostel due to noise complaints
Hostel lady – doing us a favour… no danger of us getting up before midday otherwise
Tasty – paying the fines that we owed for lose of custom, lost key (any) and a broken table in Sheffield
Cleaning lady – jumping on the bandwagon, comparing living with us to an episode of Jeremy Kyle
Russell Scott hostels – get fucked
Journey home – uneventful, some suspect driving from Dan around the Leamington area
Co-op car park – emotional goodbyes from those still there
Fresh – forgetting Hall was back next year, saying goodbye to him
Hall – will he ever leave?
UWMCC livers – destroyed
Domestic tour 2016 – Gun

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